Thoughts of a Glowworm

Up in the Air!

2011-08-07T13:29:00.005Z

No, not the Clooney movie, but my life.

The last month has been tumultuous to say the least. Batman visited for the Tall Ships weekend here in Waterford, which was a great weekend. Then he went home. And thats when it started. The distance has proven too much for the caped crusader and he/we decided it was time to call it quits. Unwillingly it happened. Then less than 5 days later I received word about an interview. In Hull. Ironic. So, I went to the interview, got the job, and am moving to Hull in less than a week.

Three years with him, trying to find work to be in the same place as him. We break up and the universe gets a sense of humour. But, beggars can't be choosers, and as there are no jobs on this side of the water I accepted and am now leaving Tramore. Again. How many times is this?

So, my future is all a bit of a jumble. I have a good job, but no guy to come home to at the end of the day. I have great friends who let me stay on their couch, but no place of my own. I have a fantastic family that are loving and supportive and encouraging....and I am choosing to leave them behind. I think that is going to be the hardest part.

But new beginnings and all that jazz. New job will lead to new friends. Living on the couch will push me to find somewhere to live. And Batman and I are going to go back to the beginning and date for a while, see how things lie.

All in all, I have no idea whats going to happen, but I'm excited to find out.

Look, I've been writing.

2011-03-16T14:28:00.001Z

Dumbing Down

Sixty years ago it wasn't uncommon for some people to be unable to spell correctly, mostly due to a lack of education or the family's need for more regular incomes. You would like to think that we as a society have gone beyond that. It is not illegal to refuse anyone their right to an education but unfortunately our modern ways mean that people are still – or should that be again – losing a fighting battle with the English language.

Commonly regarded as the most complex language to master for those coming to it later in life, I believe it should be given the respect it deserves by those who call it mother tongue. But modern technology is gradually degrading it. With the invention of text messages and instant messaging services our communication age rounded a corner – leaving half of the alphabet behind. Words have been shortened, others replaced by symbols or numbers and even vowels removed – all in an attempt to save space and time. Even sites such as Twitter constrict the amount you can write in one go, at 140 characters a turn.

Why are we all in such a hurry?

The written word is a wonderful part of our lives. Think to those well thumbed books on your shelf; letters from an old friend; an invitation to a weddings; cards on your birthday. Without these things our lives would ultimately be wildly different and without the written word none of these would be possible. One could argue that there have been entire societies and tribes who used merely pictures and images to convey messages, but none of those people have ever felt the joy of following “Once upon a time...” to its conclusion, or reading a love letter dedicated solely to them.

Spring time

2011-02-26T18:05:00.003Z

It's Spring. There are snowdrops and crocuses all over the place, and the stems of daffodils poking their heads up out of the ground. And there are daffodils and tulips in the shops. It is Spring and it is glorious. The tulips are vivid colours. Reds and yellows and pure white. Just knowing they're there makes me smile.

However, A box of Cadbury's Roses does not a bouquet make.

Valentines Day

2011-02-15T14:47:00.004Z

A day for love; for romance; for being over the top about the one that you're lucky enough to be with. So I did what I do best....I baked. Valentines cookies.
The paler ones are yummy sugar cookies, a recipe borrowed from my sister. The darker ones are chocolate cookies, the recipe gotten here. They were fun to make, and fun to eat. I drizzled white chocolate over them once they were cooled, to give them that little something more. To make them a touch more interesting. I tried writing on a number of them, but they didn't turn out quite right. More practice I believe.

The day itself was fairly typical. Batman cooked for me, which is always nice. As a day it wasn't what I was expecting, but when do Holidays turn out like you thought they would?

One Month

2011-01-28T11:38:00.007Z

Today is the one month anniversary of my leaving home. And it's really starting to kick in. The homesickness I mean.

I guess I had high hopes, and thought I'd be in employment of some kind by the start of February. So far I have had one - unsuccessful - interview, and thats been it. Not a hint of a word from anywhere else. Oh well. Don't have the magic powers to sort it all out unfortunately.

What bothers me is this: I graduated two and a half years ago, and since then everyone has said to me that it will happen. "Something will come up for you." I'm kind of done with being patient and trying to find work and nothing happening. I can be a very patient person, but two years of waiting for something thats right for me to appear is about a year too long.

Fingers crossed for the next leg of the journey. Hopefully there won't be too many hurdles in this one.

Boys are stupid - Throw rocks at them.

2011-01-12T22:11:00.004Z

Boys are messy. And smelly. And loud. And inconsiderate. And I am aware I sound about 12 years old right about now, but it is kind of how I feel. I am in a house with four boys. Its tough. I am more comfortable here than I was ten days ago; but I'm still feeling the urge to jump ship. If only slightly.

With Batman working all day Monday to Friday, it leaves a lot of time to fill. And though I am filling it in an attempt to find a job, there is only so much time I can research non existant jobs. The average daily job posting per jobsite is about 15. Take into account being under- and being over-qualified for about 90% of them and we can work out that I'm applying for about 2 jobs a day. Which is good, especially the way things are, but its also not very positive.

I am doing my best to stay focused and keep searching; keep applying. Even when I know the chances of my getting an interview are slim I will still apply. Which I think is the main aim. Surely someone out there is going to like what they see on my application.

I'm Here!!

2011-01-02T18:41:00.002Z

I've been in the Uk for less than a week. I already kind of want to abandon my plan. Because I'm still scared. I thought being here with Batman would make me feel less scared, but it doesn't. It helped for a day or two and then wore off.

I've had a few days of not having to do anything, besides a little tidying up. So I've been thinking. And we all know thats a bad idea. But I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like the person I've become. The girl I was 3 years ago would hate me right now. And I'm not sure how to change that. I don't want to go backwards, thats for sure, but I'm not sure yet how to go forwards and still get back to liking myself.

I do promise updates though. Because it seems that I will have some time on my hands in the upcoming weeks, I will try to write more often. I say that alot though. But we'll see how it goes.

Christmas Is Coming

2010-12-10T23:20:00.004Z

I love Christmas. I really do. I love the lights; I love the crisp weather; I love writing cards and wrapping presents; I love baking seasonal food. This year though I'm feeling a bit anxious. I have made a decision. I have booked a one way flight to the Uk, leaving here before New Years, to try and start afresh.

And I am scared s***less. I don't know how its gonna turn out. I might be lucky and land a job. Or I might be like the hundreds of other graduates who are stuck sitting on their behinds wasting days because there are no jobs to be had. But there's no way of finding out if I can get a job in England while I'm sitting around in Ireland. But I am scared about having nothing to do. I do not suffer boredom well. I eat and become lathargic. Which then leads to not job hunting properly, if at all.

There's a double reason for my going though. Batman and I have been dating across an overly small ocean for two and a half years, so I figure its about time we tried to date while in the same city. But I am more nervous about that than anything else. I am nervous that it will turn sour; that we will come to realise we only worked because we were apart most of the time.

I guess only time will tell.

Stuck in a rut

2010-10-18T18:42:00.003Z

This seems to be turning into a place for me to whinge, which is not what I had intended for it at all. But sometimes its what you need. So if you do read, forgive me.

Recently I've started to assess things in my life. I don't know what I want anymore. From anything.

As a child, I had plenty of dreams. I was going to own a mobile steakhouse, own a bookshop, and be a writer. All at the same time. Lately I can't string two sentences together let alone whole passages. And as for the steakhouse - I'm no closer now than I was when I was seven. Only now, I can actually cook a steak. And there may be enough books in the house to make it resemble a bookstore, but unfortunately I haven't managed that one yet either.

As I got older, dreams changed. As is normal for most people. Only a select few know what they want to do from childhood and follow it through. Of those select I am highly envious. I would love to have known at a young age exactly what I wanted to be. I would love to have had the initiative and forward planning as a teenager to take subjects that would be useful in my future. Instead I took subjects I enjoyed. Imagine! So now I have a degree in a subject that is about as useful to me as juggling shards of glass would be to a carpenter. (Awful analogy I am aware.)

I am stuck in such a rut that I can't seem to get out of. I work, I sleep, I work, I sleep. I bake when I'm stressed, I eat what I bake. Eating baked goods doesn't help with the feeling bad about the weight issue, so I then eat more. Its a horrible horrible cycle. And I'm stuck.

Offers or suggestions welcome.

Pet Hates: Part Deux

2010-10-06T22:27:00.003Z

So, I actually have a lot to talk about aside from bad spelling, but first things first.

Today, two young boys from the local secondary school came into the shop. They looked to be about 12 or 13. They asked could they put up a poster. No problem. So a short while later, I took a look at said poster. They were advertising a dog-sitting service. From memory, it went something like this: (mis-spellings intended)

"Are you gooing on holaday?

Dog owerner avalilable to look after your dog."

I say 'from memory' because all I can remember are the awful spellings. I think the local schools should hang their heads in shame if that is the powerful level of spelling they are producing.

Pet hates

2010-09-02T20:40:00.002Z

Little things bother me. And I think talking things through helps with stress and tension. So, I am going to use this post to complain. So I ask your forgiveness for my indulgence.

Being called 'The Lady' at work. Having customers use me as the bad guy in their family scenario. When a parent tells their young child that they have to put something back because 'The lady will get angry' it makes me feel like the parent doesn't have the courage to stand up to their own child. If they use something like 'it belongs to the lady' or 'it can't be sold to kids under 10' I don't mind so much. Its claiming that I will become angry with them if they don't put it back that bothers me. They are using me as the disciplinarian, when that is supposed to be their job. I know I am not a parent, but I feel parents want to be friends with their children, and not a parent to them. I understand wanting to be their friends, but their first role is that of parent.

Seeing obvious spelling mistakes. There is a pharmacy on the main street, and I pass it at least twice a day to and from work. A year or so ago, they redid the shop front, new paint, new signage, it looked wonderful. Aside from one teeny tiny thing. The word 'precriptions' on one of the shop windows. It made me laugh. The first time anyway. I even considered going in and telling them. My guess was the signwriter was to blame. However seeing it frequently it bothered me. Summer came, and they placed beautiful window boxes on the windowsills, hiding the offending signage. A few months later, when the window boxes were removed, they had replaced the 'precriptions' with 'prescriptions'. Only took six months.

There are more, but I'll get to them another time.

Last day

2010-08-11T22:19:00.003Z

Tomorrow I officially leave behind the first quarter of a century of my life. I am turning 26. Doesn't feel any different to any other birthday, and why should it? Although the amount I'm baking recently it would seem it might be affecting me ever so slightly.

I think I've mentioned this before but I bake when I'm stressed or upset or angry. When I'm channeling bad emotions. Baking clears my head, calms me down, and gives a sweet treat at the end of it. So its all good.

Last night I baked chocolate and raspberry brownies. They started out as white chocolate and raspberry brownies but the white chocolate melted and the dark chocolate merged into one and there was no trace of white in the finished product. But it really didn't matter.

When they were ready and cut in squares, they were still warm. The raspberries were juicy and squishy and warm. The brownie was a chocolate overload - in a good sense - and kind of gooey in the middle and crunchy on top...just the way I like them. But wow. Luscious was the word my mum used. Several times. And for a woman who doesn't eat many sweet things, she went back for a second...and a third.

In hindsight, I wish I had taken a photo. But I doubt it'll be too long before I make them again, so I'll take a photo then - perhaps with white chocolate actually visible - and post it then.

Post script: Have to say thanks to Aoife in work for passing the recipe my way, and to Rachel Allen for publishing it.

Food

2010-08-10T23:02:00.002Z

So it seems that food is the only language I understand. That would explain why I'm overweight.

New Room

2010-08-09T20:30:00.004Z

I have spent a lot of my time over the last two weeks redecorating my bedroom. It has been the same since I was about 14 or 15. Not entirely sure when I changed it. But I figured ten years was about enough for the stars.

So, time for a change. My initial plan was to go red, black and white. One deep red wall, three white. White ceiling and black accents. Edgings etc. And with a small design on the red wall. The basic idea has changed, but the colours began to mutate as the process progressed.

White became TOO white. And the red too red. And together a bit too cold. So I mixed it up a little bit. The red wall turned to raspberry, and the white walls to a warm pale cream. The official names of the colours are Raspberry Rush and Picket Fence. Gotta say, I love them.

When I first applied the raspberry to the stark white wall it freaked me out a bit. It was just SO pink. But two coats later and its warm and deep and just so right.

The idea of the edging and design in a dark colour is still there in the back of my mind, but right now I can't decide on a colour. Chocolate brown has been suggested, and I bought four different testers, but none of them match up just right. I need it to be just right. So I may have to spend a few more weeks scouring the paint stores trying to find the right colour. When I have, and have also decided on a design for the wall, I'll update more pictures.

Animal Cruelty

2010-08-05T21:11:00.002Z

I just had to write about this because of my immediate reaction to it.

I went for a walk earlier this evening down the beach, and as I was walking back towards the prom I saw a man and his son walking their dog. A beautiful red cocker spaniel I think. She looked quite young and hyper, as those dogs are wont to be. The father had her on her lead (I'm saying her, it could have been him) and walking alongside his left side. As I mentioned, she seemed quite hyper and was trying to run. He kept pulling her back quite sharply, which is done. I did it when we had out dog. I was watching her because she was such a pretty colour and seemed like a sweet dog, when I saw him reach out and kick/shove her on her back haunches, quite forcefully. I will admit it made me sick to my stomach to see and I was so tempted to take her away with me, but he was a big guy, and from dealings with him occasionally in the shop I work in, I wasn't about to take him on.

She didn't seem too affected by the kick. She just kept scampering beside him. But no one should treat an animal that way. Its horrible.

Lists

2010-07-31T23:03:00.005Z

I'm good at making lists. Rarely good at following through on ticking things off the lists, but good at making them. I was watching a film tonight and it made me think of a list. Things I want.

I want to learn how to bake pies. Proper pies. With a decent crust/pastry base and interesting, tantalizing flavourful fillings.

I want to own my own cafe. A proper little coffee shop, with good coffee and even better desserts, made fresh by yours truly.

I want more spontaneity in my life. And more romance. Spontaneous romance even. I'm not the soppiest girl in the world, but all girls like it from time to time.

I want my own place. Somewhere I can decorate to my liking. Somewhere I can come home to and feel at ease.

I want to share that place. I want to be in a situation where I can share that home.

I want the ability to make all these wants become realities.

90's Revival

2010-07-01T21:53:00.004Z

Followed a trail of links today which brought me to this. I loved Ace of Base when I was a younger. Still do to be fair. Anyway I started clicking even more links and found Scatman, 5ive, LFO, Shaggy, No Mercy and way too many other random bands I loved in school. Not all of them could be classed as good music, but they are still the kinds of songs that get me dancing and smiling. Which is no mean feat these days.

I've been discussing modern society with my mother this evening, and I've come to a conclusion. This is one bloody scary world. I mean, I'm not at the point where walking out the door and down the main street worries me, but I will admit that the thought of living in a bigger city or country does cause concern. Not that it's going to be happening any time soon, but its one of those lingering things in my mind.

I was going to write more but time seems to have escaped me.

Snow in March.

2010-03-30T22:04:00.006Z

Its snowing. Today is the 29th of March and we have a snow storm raging outside the window. A storm is the only appropriate word for whats going on. It's been windy and wild all day, and since nightfall it has started to snow. The snow is swirling around in waves and the cars across the road are now white all down one side. It's a bit chaotic. And yet very captivating to watch.

Anyway...enough of the weather. Not a lot has changed in the last month. David O'Doherty was hilarious. Really enjoyed that night out. Work is the same, home is the same. Still not sleeping very well. Especially not the last few nights. But hopefully I'll be so tired when I get to bed tonight that I'll fall straight to sleep.

Booked tickets last night to go see Dara O'Briain live in July. Four tickets, two of us going. The other two are for whoever is free the week leading up to it.

Going to a wedding in a few weeks in England. Looking forward to it, though it's going to be a little bit peculiar. For one thing, its the first wedding I've been invited to that wasn't a relative. For another, I will only know the groom and the bestman. I haven't yet met the bride. I've spoken with her, but not met her. And lastly, though it sounds a bit cruel, I didn't think that of the three of us - groom, bestman and myself - that he would be the first to get married. He's a wonderful guy, and I am over the moon for him, but I just didn't expect it. Though having said that, I don't know who I thought would be.

Getting to that age where friends are getting married and having babies. Its a bit weird. I barely know what I want to do in six months time, let alone for the rest of my life.

Comics and such.

2010-02-24T00:01:00.002Z

I'm sat watching some random movie about cops and time travel, knowing that I should go to bed but somehow unable to bring myself to get up off the couch. I know I should, work beckons at 10am, but I just don't want to. I never want to. And then, the following morning, I never want to get out of bed. I'm not sure why. Part of me thinks it has something to do with the lack of company. My bed might be small but being by myself it always feels massive. Doesn't help that I seem to sleep better and feel more rested if I've slept beside Batman.

Went to see Ardal O'Hanlon a couple of weeks ago in Waterford. He was pretty good. Not great but good. His support was awful though. Planning on going to see David O'Doherty next week, crossing my fingers that he'll be better. I do love his dry sarcastic humour, and his casio songs. So should be good fun.

Limbo limbo limbo

2010-01-14T16:36:00.003Z

Its been a while since I've written here, kinda forget it exists from time to time. But someone reminded me recently so now that I have some time to kill I thought I'd write.

I'm currently in Hull, and I've been here since Dec 30th. Seems like a long time ago to be honest. I was due to go home two days ago, but postponed my flight for several reasons. Primarily to keep searching for jobs, but secondly to spend some more time with Batman. Although I'm wondering if it was worth it, since I seem to be spending alot of my time upset or by myself. The by myself bit I was expecting, Batman has essays to do for next week, and I get that. Its just a bit lonlier than I was expecting.

I don't feel like I fit in here anymore. I've sort of reverted back into my shell by being at home for so long, so my friends that are still here are mostly a little bit too 'out there' for me. I don't play video games so that kind of cuts out about 80% of conversation topics too. So now I don't fit in anywhere, I'm in a kind of limbo. Beginning to wonder if my being here is a bad idea, and if it is, is my plan of moving here even worth thinking about any more?

Girlie Trip

2009-11-09T22:05:00.002Z

Edinburgh was fantastic. Again! I love that city. The girls had either not been there or not been there for a long time so we did all the touristy stuff again. Which isn't a bad thing, nothing felt boring or repetitive to me. We did do some things I hadn't done before, which was also great.

A new thing for me was the Ghost Tour, which I would recommend to anyone going. One of the girls said she is delighted she went on it, but would never go on one again. I loved it. I always thought I didn't like horror, but the gorey blood and guts type of horror, turns out that the traditional ghost story freaks me out too, when told properly anyway. Our guide was a proper scotsman, by the name of Euan, who knew dates and placenames and surnames for each story. The particular tour we took had us travel beneath the city into the vaults which once housed wine cellars, gambling halls, illegal taverns and occassionally bodies that had been snatched from nearby graveyards. And when I closed my eyes in bed that night all I could see was the old stone walls of the vaults. It kinda freaked me out. But thoroughly enjoyable.

Music & fear

2009-10-31T00:30:00.003Z

First things first, the gig last night was fantastic. The set was a clever mix of new and old, including some so old that none of us knew them. {However the four guys in front of us knew every word.} It was just Amy & Emily and a dozen or so guitars. I pity their sound guy. His job was to bring on the right guitars for each song, removing the guitars from the previous song, and tuning the guitars for the next song while they played. Not an easy task I'd say. They played for an hour and a half straight and I loved every minute. Two very talented musicians. I think thats one of the reasons I like them. There's no jazz or drama about them, they just play good music and sing great lyrics. Their albums are usually recorded with a band, but any time we've seen them play its just been them and their guitars, and its always an amazing gig. I'd recommend them to anyone.

Change of topic. Walking home from work this evening I ended up behind a group of 'youths'. I counted and there were 16 of them, all darkly dressed and all about 14 or 15 I'd say. And I felt intimidated. Not entirely sure why. Could have been the time of year, or that it was after 8:30 and pretty damn dark out. Or that there were so many of them and just one of me. Or that they were discussing playing pranks like knock a dolly. {Not the term they used, but same idea.} Either way, I could feel me feet slowing down while they blocked the way ahead, and then speeding up once I knew I could pass them; my heart starting to race as I overtook them, hoping they kept ignoring me. At the time I felt a little silly and I still do for reacting that way to a bunch of teenagers. But at the same time, I think I'm right to be a bit nervous.

For as long as I've been going out in Tramore I have never had a problem with walking home alone after a night out. But in the last few months when I've been out, I've tried to avoid it. I shouldn't have to be nervous about walking home through my estate - that's the bit that bothers me as it's quite dark - but I am. Is it a sign of the times, or am I just getting old and a bit more sensible? Or sensitive?

Exciting stuff...

2009-10-28T23:24:00.004Z

...For a change!! It's been a busy week, and not with work based things, which is fantastic. Spent Monday with my sister, her husband and their two boys. We went to the Reptile Village outside Kilkenny and had an absolute blast! Well, the adults did. Not so sure about the kids. I however was in my element. I came home and realised I had picked up lots of tit-bits of information about the animals. More of those useless things that will stay lodged in my head for eternity, taking up space that could be used on more important things. But instead, I will forever know that if a spider is dropped from a height the abdomen can burst, causing the spider to die. However, sometimes if the spider is preparing to shed her skin (I say her cause I'm sexist with spiders, blame E.B.White) she has already started healing herself from the inside out, so she could possibly survive the drop. Why do I know this? Cause I heard it from the handler at the Village. How long will I remember this? Longer than I'll remember my conversational Irish phrases probably.

Yesterday and today were work filled. But tomorrow is concert filled! After work I am clambering into my sisters car to go to Dublin to see the Indigo Girls in concert. There's four of us going - hopefully, one is currently on the brink of being out of action - and it should be a really good night out. I haven't seen them since I was in Secondary School, which is quite a while ago. And I don't even know the last time the four of us did something together, so very excited now.

And then, and THEN, it's Hallowe'en!! I am spending the day of Hallowe'en in the Indoor Market facepainting, all dressed up in my gothic fairy costume!! Then hopefully I get to wear the costume out and about on Saturday night.

And then! It gets better! I get to go back to Edinburgh on Monday!!! So excited about that one. I haven't been in two years. Its such a fantastic place. I'm going with two friends, one of whom has never been before. I hope she likes it as much as I do. After all, I'm the one that suggested it!

Progress Report Part 2

2009-09-26T22:59:00.003Z

A friend of mine has bought a house. One of the guys I was friends with in school, less than a year older than me, has bought a house. Well, the offer was accepted, he's waiting on an engineers report and the like, but he's bought a house. I can barely afford to buy new clothes and he has bought a house. About 200 yards away from his parents house, but it will be his own place. A place he can retire to and enjoy and call his own.

This bothers me a bit. I'm freaking out a little about having spent what I consider to be a small fortune on clothes in the last two weeks, but it was mostly required. I doubt my employers would be keen on my coming to work in clothes with inappropriate holes in them.

A house! I mean, I'm delighted for him, he deserves it, the jammy sod, but he does. He worked hard to get where he is. One of the few people who has managed to land a permanent job doing what he was trained to do in the current awful job situation. So good for him. But it makes me wonder what am I doing wrong? And if I was given the chance, would I change anything?

Progress Report

2009-09-25T22:53:00.003Z

I've been thinking about writing here for a while. Not entirely sure what about but I need an outlet. Without being too emo-y I've been down and cranky and just a general b**** for the previous few days - my apologies to all who incurred my wrath - and I need somewhere to talk about it. And since I'm not so good at the one to one honesty thing, this is gonna be it me thinks. Though I do say that a lot don't I? That I intend to write here more often? It hasn't been as regular as I had once hoped, but I guess I didn't have a lot to say. And all my problems seem to just repeat themselves.

I realised today that I have been working in my current job for exactly a year. I started there at the end of September 2008. Its now the end of September 2009 and I am still exactly where I started. The only difference is I now work more hours and have more of my loan paid off than I did a year ago. Thats it. The only obvious progression in my life in the last year is the dent in my student loan.

And its not that big a dent.

Quiet night in.

2009-08-08T21:27:00.002Z

Wasn't supposed to be. I was actually kinda looking forward to going out tonight, which is unusual for me. But I've been bailed on, sort of. The girl I was supposed to go out with went to a friends house to have a couple of drinks first, and she's still there. I've been invited, but there's a reason I don't really hang out with people I went to school with so I declined. She did say she'd tell me when they head out, and that it'll be in the next hour. That was 40 minutes ago. I wouldn't mind so much if I hadn't gone to the trouble of getting ready. So I am sat here, all dressed up and no place to go. Another reason to move back to the Uk. Even with the number of friends I have there dwindling with people moving home after graduation or whatever, I'd still be able to go out on a Saturday night if I wanted to. There'd be someone to call if something like this happened. I went through my phone here to see who there was I could call, see if they were out already and I could join them. I came up with 2. Neither of whom are available.

I know I could go out and would probably meet someone I knew in the bar, but its not the same. I can't just latch onto another group, that's not my way. I'd feel out of place if I did that. I'm not the greatest at integrating well. It takes me time.

On a brighter note, I'm hopefully going to Edinburgh for a few days towards the end of October with one of the girls. I'm starting to really look forward to it and we haven't even booked anything yet!! I keep telling her it'll be freezing there at that time of year but her response is just that she'll wrap up well! My kinda girl!

Long awaited return

2009-06-14T22:52:00.003Z

Or is it?

Been a while since I've visited here. I've actually been kinda busy, for a change. Works been keeping me mental, as one of the girls got a grown up job and left, leaving me by myself to do all the monkey work, and they didn't get around to replacing her until a few weeks ago. Then with the other women I work with taking holidays I was covering other shifts left right and center. Not complaining, I need the money, but man I was tired. So Batman and I planned a few weeks together. He came to visit the homestead for the first time, and then I went back to the Uk with him for two weeks. It was so nice to be away from everything for a while. And nice to be together to celebrate our 1 year. Imagine! I got to a year in a relationship - with the same guy the whole time! I'm more surprised that he still wants to be here than anything else. I figured he'd have run a mile by now, but apparently not.

I did start freaking out a bit though. Its been a year for feck sake. I don't do this. And admittedly now I'm worried more about whats ahead than I was before. I have no plans. I thought I had, but nothing has worked so far. The teaching thing fell through, seems no one wanted me. And this current job is fine, but man its driving me crazy. I've been back from the Uk for two days and have avoided contacting them. I figure they'll ring me when they need me to come in. They know I'm back. I know I need to go, I need the money {sensing a pattern?} but I just don't want to do it anymore. I am sick of the small minded gossipy nature of the shop, and the internal politics and bitching. I am actually reconsidering an idea I had when I was 18, to become a mechanic. I hate working with women, so an almost all male environment would be ideal. I can actually deal with the sexist stuff easier than the gossipy crap.

Enough venting, and onto my favourite topic. Books!!

I went to see the movie of Neil Gaiman's Coraline recently, and it was good but, it's got to be said, the book is better. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, and as a kids movie its pretty creepy and very detailed and the art is beautiful, but I enjoyed the book that bit more.

I've moved onto a new author this month. Melissa Marr. As Batman and I were going through Dublin airport, we stopped in a bookshop, as is the norm for us. And a book called Wicked Lovely caught his attention. The tag on the cover said "So compelling it will give Twilight a run for its money." Now I haven't read the Twilight series {yet} but if this book could claim that on the cover, I figured it was worth the €8.99. And man was it. I loved it. Could hardly bare to put it down some nights. Its the story of a girl called Aisling who can see faeries, as could her mother and grandmother, and how one faery in particular seems to have taken a liking to her. Drama unfolds! Its aimed at teenage girls, like the Twilight series, but I gotta admit, I loved it so much I went and purchased part 2 and 3 a mere week and a half after picking up the first one. I started the third one this afternoon! They are a little addictive. But better addicted to books than, well, an awful lot else.

I think I may have a slight obsessive nature. Just an ickle one.

Obsessed

2009-03-25T22:59:00.003Z

So a little over a year ago I was introduced to the workings of the mind of Neil Gaiman. It started with seeing the movie Stardust - five or six times - and then being given a gift of the book of the same name and thoroughly enjoying it. So then I looked into him some more, and have since read American Gods, Anansi Boys, The Graveyard Book, Coraline and most recently Neverwhere. His books are the kind of things I wish I had the brian power to read. His mind just baffles me. I would hate to be lost inside it for any length of time. The detail in his writing, his style, the way his words just flow across the page. His childrens books {the two I've read} are a bit bizarre and you wouldn't read them to younger children for fear of frightening them, but wow are they amazing.

I read his books and feel at a loss. I have always wanted to write a book, preferably a kids books, but I've never come up with an idea strong enough to put to paper. When I read Gaiman's work I feel less than adequate when it comes to my writing. Why would anyone consider reading my material when there are novels such as his in the world already?

Home again, home again...

2009-03-24T23:10:00.003Z

...jiggidy jig.

I went to Hull almost three weeks ago for a weekend. I got home yesterday. When it got to the day before I was supposed to come home, I couldn't bear to leave. I know, silly right? But I feel so much better being there. Its not that I'm unhappy at home, I'm just that bit happier in England. I have people to see and places I can go when I'm sick of being stuck in the house. I have people I trust and can talk to. And being able to see Batman whenever I want helps things too.

So I postponed my flights for two weeks. No one on this side of the water seemed happy about it; everyone on the English side was delighted. I even had Jason offer to 'steal' my bag with passport and flights in it, and then ring my mom saying he'd found the phone etc in the bag he stole, so I wouldn't be coming home. However I figured that just telling her myself would be a better option. She was delighted for me at first, but when I rang again the following weekend, she didn't sound so positive. And my boss was so unimpressed that I figured I wouldn't have a job when I got back. But I was in work at 9:30 this morning, so guess she didn't care as much as I thought.

The worst bit though is not knowing when I get to go back again. I had an amazing time being there, seeing people and going out and socialising. I kinda forgot how much fun it could be. I also kinda felt like I was finally back in the loop. Being away means that I only hear snippets of whats going on with my friends, and being there for almost three weeks meant I finally felt back in place and aware again. And I have no idea when I'll be back in England. End of May maybe? I honestly don't know, and that upsets me.

Anyway....to market, to market.

A Wreck

2009-03-01T22:18:00.002Z

I'm not sure what to blame for the high emotions of the past two weeks. It could possible be that I'm over worked and not sleeping enough. It could be women stuff. It could be that I left Hull after Valentines weekend wishing I wasn't leaving; I sat in the departure lounge trying to work out if it made sense to walk back out of the airport, without getting on the plane. It could be that I'm due back in Hull in a matter of days and I don't feel like I'm wanted. I know that I am, but knowing something and feeling something are different at times. Batman's been really busy and quiet lately, add the distance to the mix and my crazy mindset and it doesn't make things easy. Why he still puts up with me I'll never understand. I must drive him up the wall sometimes, yet he still wants me there.

Anyway...enough of that. I finally sent off my application for the teaching course. I'm scared to do it, but it's sent. Not an hour ago, but it is sent. Now all I can do is wait.

I've been up the walls the last two weeks, picking little fights with people, crying at the drop of a hat and over the stupidest things, I'm tense and angry, and I don't know why. And I also think I'm sick, I'm either freezing cold or boiling. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I want to up and leave but I can't go anywhere, I have no money. I want to be in England, but I can't afford to stay for long because there are no jobs and I have no money.

Man my complaints are repetitive aren't they!?

To Teach, or not To Teach

2009-01-31T00:25:00.004Z

I'm scared. Again. I've sent off my PGCE application form for my referee to fill in his section, and once thats done, I'm done. I will send it in and be officially applying for another course at university. And I don't even know if its what I want to do. It's another option, and one that will open more doors for me. Which is great, really great. But do I want to be a teacher? Do I want to go into work every day and deal with hormonal teenagers, angry at the world for cutting them a raw deal and try and let them see through literature that they are not the first kids to feel that way; that they are not the first generation to suffer and to feel ostracised. But then no teenager wants to hear that do they? They want to feel like the only ones who've been done wrong by.

Anyway, enough of that. I've booked flights to go to Hull for a weekend, the end of the elections weekend. March 5th to 9th. Batman is running in the elections and I want to be there for him. I'd rather be there for the whole thing, the lead up, the campaigning, the whole shebang, but as it stands I can't afford to be. So I'm gonna be a good girlfriend and be there for the last day of the elections, so I'm there for the results.

If I'm dating Batman, does that make me batgirl? Or someone else?

2009-01-23T00:18:00.003Z

Every time I see anything to do with Paris, I become even more convinced that it is somewhere I would like to live. Change that, Love to Live. I would love to learn how to speak french fluently. Love to learn the ins and outs of the city, the backstreets. The secrets that only locals know. Even in a movie that is set in Paris, but all we see is inside buildings and streets that could be in any city in the world, I still get this urge to move there. Just up sticks and go, break away completely and be myself, by myself, in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Blue Monday

2009-01-19T23:44:00.002Z

Each day brings a new dawn. But it always brings another sense of waste. I wake up, go to work, apply for jobs I know I either have no genuine chance or interest in getting, come home, spend my evenings on the couch or in front of a computer screen, killing time. I know were I in England that my days wouldn't be much different but at least I'd have people to talk to, people to see.

Today is "Blue Monday". Officially the day of the year that people feel more depressed than any other day of the year. I have to admit, I felt worse earlier this weekend than I did today but I can understand why today might get people down. Third Monday of January, Christmas is over, all that you have to look forward to is more dreary weather and that awful made up holiday in February.

On a random side note, I just discovered that Keith Barry was presented last night with the Merlin Award of Mentalist of 2009. Go Keith!

Post 100!

2009-01-14T01:27:00.002Z

Never thought I'd get to this post, but I guess I did. Now, what to talk about??

I'm just back from being in Hull for two weeks and already being back is taking its tole. Four days and I'm wanting to be back there already. Each time I leave it gets harder than the last. I'm craving so much junk food its not even remotely snacking. It's pure out bingeing. And every time I come back I come up with all sorts of great plans and ideas for getting me back over there, permanently, sooner rather than later, but they all fall through. Or I don't have the self confidence to carry them through. I'm so scared that when I get there, things aren't gonna go as planned, or something will go wrong. I guess in short, I'm scared of growing up. I'm scared of taking a plunge and landing on my face instead of my feet.

Childhood memories

2008-12-02T23:33:00.003Z

In the lead up to Christmas I always get a bit nostalgic, what adult doesn't? But this year my nostalgia seems to be directed towards sweets and junkfood. I was on a wonderful website the other evening, A Quarter Of, which deals primarily with sweets from times gone by. I keep finding things on it that I used to love, and some I don't ever recall seeing. So I have been idling time away sitting looking at the site, adding numerous sweets to my shopping cart, trying not to think about the damage they'll do to my insides. I'm planning to give some away in Christmas gifts, so its not too bad I suppose. Just how much I give away is to be decided!

Christmas is Upon Us!

2008-12-01T22:45:00.002Z

It is officially Christmas time! 24 days and counting!! I heard three Christmas songs on the radio today, so its almost here. Although when I hear Wham!'s Last Christmas then it is officially the festive season and I can start getting excited. I think everyone has their own Christmas song, one that makes them excited about the season, and use it to judge the start of the excitement and when they hear it on the radio its the starting line. Playing it yourself just doesn't count. Last Christmas is mine. I remember listening to it at Christmas as a small kid, and I have always loved Wham! so it makes sense.

Aside from Christmas jingles, life is going along at a fairly regular pace at the moment. I went to Dublin last Tuesday to have a bit of a day out and do some Christmas shopping. All I ended up buying was things for myself. But I enjoyed it, and isn't that what counts? I've never been so organised for Christmas so early. I'm probably jinxing myself now, but I am. I have my secret santa gift, and I know what I'm getting the kids, I just have to go buy it. And as for Batman and The Viking I have their gifts in my head. It's just a case of getting a couple of bits and pieces together and they're done.

I've booked flights to go over to Hull for New Years. I want to spend it with my boys, rather than sitting in at home watching movies by myself. Because if I stay here I know that's probably whats in store for me. So I'll be in Hull from the 29th until January 10th. Almost two weeks!! But it's to go job hunting as well as celebrating the new year. Oh the joys!

*

2008-11-18T22:11:00.001Z

Happy Bat Day!

Spouting randomly.

2008-11-18T21:57:00.005Z

Some people find it strange that I don't enjoy being at home as much as they expect I should. A semi-traditional Irish family. Big, chatty, friendly, welcoming, musical and definitely entertaining. But yet sometimes I really dislike being here. Nobody in this family talks to anyone about anything real. To get my younger sister to actually discuss her ill treatment of me and everyone else I had to ambush her at around 12:30 am after watching movies. Catch her out unawares and make her open up. It worked, but only I think because she's young and can be saved. I'm not so sure it will work for other members of the Mernagh clan. Both my sisters and I are unhappy with things our mother does, but will any of us confront her about it? No. The reason? We were never taught to; it is not something that is done in this household. Although I don't know if it's an Irish thing or just a this family thing, but since living in England I have become more vocal about how I feel, and more confident about talking to other people about how I feel and how they feel. I am now willing to talk to someone about something they've done that upset or distressed me, let them know how I feel and find out why. Yes it does sound slightly Dr. Phil-ian, but it works. Otherwise we end up carrying hurt and guilt around with us for much too long, therefore building grudges when we should in fact be building bridges. {Yeah yeah, clichéd, be quiet!} The reason I would rather be back in England is I am comfortable there, with who I am and with showing who I am. Here I stay reserved and quiet and keep things in because whats the point trying to talk when I know no-one will answer.

SURPRISE!!!

2008-10-29T00:06:00.002Z

I've just returned from a weekend in Hull. Yeah I know I didn't mention specifics of it before I left but I had my reasons. Namely I wanted to surprise one of my friends and I have a feeling he occasionally dips in and out of this, and knowing my luck and his timing he would have read it before I went over.

I had a fantastic time. I can't really say much else without being repetitive, but I think I shall. I saw Batman for four days. Which I really really needed. It's kinda crazy how short a month is in comparison to the grand scale, but how long it can be when its what's standing between you and seeing someone who makes your whole world brighter. I spent my days seeing people and having food and coffee with friends I've missed more than I thought I could. I spent my nights with Batman and the other regular crew, drinking, watching movies, chilling out. And spent a lot of time just doing nothing in particular. But that's the way I like it.

I had some duties to attend to this weekend however. I had to meet the new girlfriend of not one but TWO of my close friends. And I'll be honest, one of them I was not looking forward to meeting, and I really didn't want to like. But I do. She's a nice girl, and she's good for him. Not entirely sure he's ready for her and what dating her means, but I like him. And the other one was quiet but seems nice. And he's happy, again thats all that matters.
My other duties were of the meet the parents variety. I was kind of nervous before hand, but once they arrived I realised I was being silly. Parents generally love me. We went for lunch, and I slowly gathered how this family works. Dad is relaxed and chilled and Mom is the stern captain of the ship. Or so it seems. Batman really looks like his Dad, and from the short time I spent with them, I think personality wise they're very similar too. I could be wrong. Supposedly they think I'm nice. Good start I hope.

Right, I'm damn cold and it's late. Sleep is a must. Photos of the weekend will follow soon.

Disaster of a Day

2008-10-14T08:02:00.004Z

I should be on a bus right now on my way up to Dublin to attend a Graduate Careers Fair, an opportunity to meet and impress potential employers and give my cv to the unsuspecting reps for numerous companies. I've been debating with myself for a few days whether I really wanted to go or not. My dad suggested it and I agreed it might be a good idea. Which in fathertongue means I'm going. I know he's just looking out for me and wants me to succeed and to be happy, but I don't see the point in going to this fair. If I am to stay in Ireland, I really want a job in the south east. Somewhere accessible from home. Somewhere that I can commute from home. It makes saving a lot more feasible. However if I was to get a job elsewhere in the country it would mean having to pay rent and food and whatnot, leaving next to nothing for saving. Tramore might not be my ideal location right now, but it makes financial sense.
So I had been tossing and turning over whether to go today or not, and I decided to prep to go. So I printed a few dozen cvs and put them in envelopes, found time tables of trains and buses and picked a time to leave. My bus was at 7:55 am. That would get me to Dublin sometime around 12, which would mean getting to the Arena sometime around1. Giving me an hour to look around and talk, before heading back into town to get a 3 o'clock train home. A lot of travelling for a little time in Dublin, but who knows? It might do me good. I got up this morning at 7, and dawdled. There is no other word for it. I was still debating the trip and whether it would be worth it. But I left the house at 7:45, determined to give it my best shot.

The bus stop is at the bottom of a hill. As I began to head down the hill I could see the bright red bus with its orange lights sitting at the bottom. 'Great,' I though, 'I'll make it.' Only as soon as I thought those words the bus began to pull away. I was too far away to make a run for it so all I could do was stand there and watch. So I turned on my heels and trudged home in the rain. The next bus was well over an hour away so I wasn't waiting. And I've sat here for the past hour debating whether it's worth my while to get the next bus. And I've decided it's not. By the time I'd get to the Fair it would be after 2, and it's only open until about 3. And it would mean not getting home until almost 9pm tonight. Really not worth it.

So goes my job hunt....slowly but surely twisting down the drain.

Long time.

2008-10-12T22:54:00.003Z

I don't even know when my last post was, but it must be fairly long because I thought of posting all by myself, with no reminders from anyone!
Mostly I wanted to get something out of my system, well a couple of things. The first is a very upsetting and kinda disturbing dream I had last night. It was a long complicated dream with people I don't know and some I do, and places that weren't familiar in the slightest but I knew them meticulously in my dream. But the thing that has stuck with me is that the Riddler {remember him from a previous post?} talked to me about how he felt he had no purpose and no one cared for him, and how he would be better off dead. Then he committed suicide, and my father was the one to find him. It was a little disturbing. Even though I've been awake and busy for at least 13 or 14 hours now I can still vividly see my parents standing in my bedroom doorway telling me he was dead. It upset me a bit. So much so that I got in contact with him shortly after I woke up to see if he was okay. He says he has some issues at the moment but he'll be fine. Not so sure I believe him but what can I do when I'm in a different country?

Other than that, I am just so sick of being here. There are no jobs to be had. I'm working in a newsagents for the time being to just get some money into my pocket and fund a trip to Hull before Christmas. And when I go over I am going to bring a stack of cv's and my best employ me outfit and smile. I love home, I love my friends, but there's just not enough incentive for me to stay here anymore. My friends, my life is in hull. I feel like a shell of my former self by being away from it all. Doesn't help that my best friend has a new girlfriend, and I sorta feel like I've been replaced in a way. My best friend and my boyfriend are hanging out constantly, and I used to be part of that equation, but now I'm not. And she's there with them on nights out and nights in and it makes me feel like I'm missing out even more. And worse still, I have to give my approval of her when I meet her. How am I supposed to approve of someone I'm jealous of and who I feel is replacing me? Can it be done?

To go back to speaking of home, two of the girls I went to school with were home for the weekend so we went out for a couple of drinks last night. Less than an hour into the night I started thinking how maybe I should pursue teaching so I'll at least have something to talk to them about. I can't say I didn't enjoy the night, I did. For the most part. I still feel a bit out of place here now so it wasn't the easiest night for me. I will admit I did leave the pub earlier than everyone else, and was glad to. I had been leaving an hour before but had another drink bought for me so I stayed. Then some girls we went to school with showed up and sat with us, even though I would guess it's been at least four years since I had a conversation with any of them that lasted longer than 5 minutes. Which is quite sad, because one of them was one of my best friends in school, and her fiancé was another. Now I'd be surprised to even get an evening invitation to the wedding. But these things happen right? Its said that the friends you make at college/university are the ones you keep for life, and I can genuinely see that happening, but I don't want them to be the kind of friends I see a couple of times a year, I want to see them as often as possible. But until I get decent money, or a decent job in the Uk, it aint gonna happen. And I miss them. Terribly.

Cough, cough

2008-09-28T23:30:00.003Z

I'm sick! Coughing and spluttering and generally being a nuisance, more to myself than anyone else. I can't sleep at night because I'm coughing so much, and my chest, stomach and back hurt from the amount of coughing I'm doing. It's great fun! But on the plus side, I am getting better. Well, I think I am.

I had an interview on Friday! It went well, apparently. I thought it went horribly but I've heard since that it wasn't nearly as bad as I first imagined. Now all I have to do is wait and see if I got the job. Fingers crossed! It's a fairly handy job. It's a cashier position at the credit union. Like I said, fingers crossed. It's not a dream job, but it's a job. Speaking of, I am working. Sort of. Local newsagents/toy store/gift store/stationary store were short staffed and I need money, so it's a win win situation. Started on Saturday and am working again tomorrow and then for the rest of the week. Which is great cause I need some money because I want to go to Hull between now and Christmas, and flights and trains cost money!

Dublin was great. The conference went really well - I think anyway. Had a fun time with Robert and was fun to talk to students about the Uni and tell them stories. I also got the chance to look at some post grad info from some English uni's. Gonna look into that in more detail soon though. I do sort of expect I'll just go back to Hull to do my Masters. It's comfortable and I'm comfortable there. We'll see how money and time goes. Seeing the girls was great fun. I miss Aoife so much. I always realise this when I see her, but the great thing is we can go for so long without seeing each other and then meet up and it's like we were never apart. And Sarah!! Well, that girl is an entity all her own. I love her to pieces, but this past weekend she managed to upset me for possible the first time I've known her. And it was unintentional I'm sure, but it still happened. But I think it was a two way street so what can ya do?

The Saturday was a lot of fun, Ben and I wandered Dublin for a while before heading out to Phoenix Park and waiting outside the zoo for Nici and James. It took them forever to get there, but get there they did. We wandered around the zoo until closing time and then headed to Thunder Road where we were joined by Sarah and Padraig for dinner. I hadn't been there in years, it was brilliant. Music was loud {I'm getting old!} and they've changed the layout and some of the decor, but it was still fantastic.

Just hanging with Ben for the weekend was fun. I've missed him. Lots. We didn't do anything of note, just enjoyed each others company and walked alot. Hopefully it won't be another two months before I see him again.

Glutton

2008-09-11T21:30:00.003Z

Been a while since I was here last. I think it's partly because I don't have a lot to write about, and I feel like I'm just repeating myself. Still no job, still at home, still missing Hull and still baking. In the past few weeks I have baked chocolate biscuit cake; chocolate chip cookies; apple & strawberry crumble; lemon & yogurt cake; salsa; chocolate cake and shortbread. Lots of shortbread. That one was good. And tonight I tried muffins, which didn't turn out so great. I know myself it's a coping mechanism. I get bored or stressed or depressed and I bake. Generally something sweet that I can use to stuff my face. I am a comfort eater. I always have been. It's such a bad thing. Especially since I'm not walking nearly as much here as I would in England. I need to start going walking every day, instead of once or twice a week.

But on the upside, I am going to Dublin in a few days to firstly help out at a Higher Options Conference. Someone I know from Hull Uni contacted me about it a few weeks ago, its three days of standing and convincing secondary school students that Hull Uni is an amazing place for Irish people to be! Which it is! I am testament to that. And secondly to spend time with the girls who live up there. And lastly {and probably most importantly} someone's coming over from Hull for the weekend to see me. Which I can't wait for! Oh, and a trip to the Zoo with my lil sister and some others. Photos will follow I'm sure.

On a totally different note, my nephew and Godson started big school. He looks so cute in his uniform, it's adorable, IF a little weird. Still getting used to it. Stranger still is that two girls I went to school with are the teachers of his class and the other junior infants class. It's odd going to pick him up and seeing them at the doors of the school; the same school I spent 6 years at!

Late night rambles.

2008-08-23T00:35:00.000Z

I have just come home from the 21st of someone who means the world to me. He is my pseudo little brother and I love him like a real one, but I just couldn't stay. I just felt so out of place, I was sitting with my parents despite the fact I knew about half the room.

Its almost exactly three years since my own 21st, followed by my move to England; my leap into the unknown. I guess tonight felt strange because it was like proving to myself that all the steps I've taken to move on with my life in the past three years have been for nothing because I am right back where I started. Moving away was such a big thing for me, even though I tried to make out that it wasn't. It felt right and scared as I was I knew it was the best thing for me. And I have had some adventures away, I have some stories to tell and yes, I earned a degree while I was away but I think the most important thing I did over the last three years was discover myself - as cliched as that sounds! I am two very different people at home and in Hull. Very alike, but yet very very different. And I don't like the person I am at home. Not anymore.

In Hull I am a social butterfly. Its rare that a day goes by where I don't have some form of plan for the day. To see someone for coffee or a movie or dinner, but here its even rarer that such plans exist. I spend every day at home with my parents who don't seem to get that I just want them to leave me be, my sister who I love to bits but who I am terribly jealous of. She is in Tramore the way I am in Hull, and I can't become that here. Growing up with someone it seems isn't enough to make a strong friendship.

During my schooldays I had a group of people I saw daily, spoke to daily and hung out with outside of school. Towards the end of school it became a smaller group and those girls I still see regularly if I can, but outside of those when I meet someone I knew back then, I find it so hard to be the person I know I am now and not to revert back into the girl I was in school. The quiet one in the back who spoke to no-one and liked it like that. Now it seems no one speaks to me, and I don't know what to do to change it.

I can't revert back into small town girl - I won't. Thats not me now. But it might have to be it seems. Doesn't look like anythings gonna change anytime soon.

Being a Grown-up

2008-08-17T21:49:00.002Z

I got an email the other day in response to a job application. They were asking for some more information. The first question was Salary expectation.....I felt like replying to them and saying Honestly, I've been a student for three years so I have *no* idea what it costs to live a real person life, so give me an average amount. And talking it over with my Mom, the amounts she was coming out with sound so bizarre to me. I'm used to dealing with a couple of hundred pounds or euro's, not in thousands or ten's of thousands. It's kind of a bizarre idea, to say that my salary expectation is 25,000 for example. It sounds like a hell of a lot of money and almost unreal to me. Then I always have been kinda naive when it comes to things like that. In a way, I feel like money sort of appears and I just spend it. I have been pretty lucky when it comes to money, I've always had a job in summer due to living in a tourist town, and in winter...well, my dad's a bit of a soft touch, bless him. He made sure I never wanted for anything. But now I gotta grow up and be a proper person. I think I'd rather go back to being 10 if thats alright?

Speaking of money....very good song.

Dreams part deux

2008-08-10T20:35:00.002Z

So last night it seems my unconscious mind was in over drive. I had several peculiar dreams, but the one that I can remember all day is the one where I had a daughter and was hiding her from the world. No one knew about her expect my best friend Ben {possibly the father, it wasn't clear in the dream.} He was hiding away with her {Penny or Poppy or Polly} in a holiday home and I would go visit them as often as I could. She was adorable, beautiful black hair and wearing a beautiful dress. But I was supposed to be working, cutting the grass I think, and I left to try go see them, but my boss caught me, so everyone found out I had a little girl. I don't know how I managed to hide the fact I was pregnant and then that I had a daughter but I did.

Anyway, aside from that, I haven't got alot to report. Not much going on. I turn 24 in two days, which is a little strange, but at the same time not that big a deal. Mam and Dad were asking what I want to do for it, but I don't really, its just another day. Next year is a big one though! Weird though, I don't feel this old.

On the job front - nothing! Nada, zip, zilch!! Just gotta keep trying I guess! Wish me luck!

Dreams

2008-08-03T13:09:00.002Z

I've been having some strange dreams lately, and some nights of interrupted sleep. Falling asleep is difficult. I'm not used to being in this bed, this place, without knowing I'm going back. And it's strange, I've gone from a double to a single, but yet the single feels empty. I've gotten too used to having someone's arms around me when I fall asleep that its made falling asleep without him kinda difficult. I thought I was getting there too, but last night proved I'm not. It took me the best part of an hour and a half to fall asleep, and then I woke about three times throughout the night. Inbetween times having some peculiar dreams. The most peculiar, and the one that has stuck in my mind more vividly than any of the others, is one where I was getting married. I know its because I was talking to someone about weddings and venues and all that goes with it last night, but still. It was so vivid. I could even see the face of my groom, which was a little weird. I was stood behind his chair, hand on his shoulder, singing a song for him. Which was possibly Mary Wells 'My Guy' but I'm not entirely sure. It was all a bit odd. Stranger still was that the guy who's arms I miss, and the groom in my dream - not the same guy. If the guy with the arms is Batman, the guy in the chair was the Riddler. Actually, I like those names, I might stick to those. They suit the men they are attributed to.

Kavfest

2008-07-27T22:17:00.003Z

For the last few years, the first weekend in July sees Tráfest take over the streets of Tramore. Three days of live music in bars, on the streets on and off official stages. This year however things were different. The festival's main sponsors pulled out a few months ago, and it looked like Tráfest was to be no more. Two local men - a father and son team - took it upon themselves to put something together. So instead of three days, we had one day. Today. Sunshine, music, food, drink, people. There isn't a lot that gets better than that. I caught a few of the bands today, mainly Pugwash and The Pale. Both were good, but The Pale - a band I've liked for years but never had the chance to see live - were fantastic. They were everything I expected and more. The day itself was fun, but once the music stopped I felt kind of like I was intruding. Which sounds peculiar, I know. I've ben away from this town so long I've missed out on gossip, on events and just the regular week to week banter that comes from having a local with local people.

I was fine during the music, cause we were dancing and fooling around. But once the music stopped and people started talking properly.....I missed my boys. I missed Hull and the people I've left behind.

It's a strange thing that. I was talking to my older sister about it all, and though she did the Uni thing, she stayed at home, so kept the same friends and didn't really make life long friends at Uni. I on the other hand, made some of the best friends I am ever going to have. And now I've gone from seeing them on either a daily or weekly basis to not knowing when I'll be in the same country as them again, let alone see them again. Which is a lot harder to handle than I would care to admit. Although, what I will admit - I've cried only once. Been tempted more than that but can't seem to let it happen. I'm sure it will. I just want to go back. I want to be with my boys. {I know, I use the term 'my boys' a lot, just one of those things. I hang out with girls singularly, and boys in a group.} But I miss them. A hell of a lot.

The land of Leprechauns

2008-07-24T22:16:00.003Z

Well my trip to Hull has been and gone. Graduation was fun, if a little bizarre. I still don't feel any different, I just now have a piece of paper telling me I've got a degree. It's all a bit weird really.

The visit was fun. I got to see people again, and say goodbye again. That bit hurt. More than I expected. I even cried some, a rarity for me. Well no, I'll correct that. It's a rarity that people witness me crying, and three people saw this outburst. It was my final night in Hull and I was saying goodbye to two of my closest friends. One of whom I'm sure I'll see again, but the other - he makes promises but he's hard to keep track of even when we're in the same city, so I'm just hoping that it won't be any harder now we're in different countries.

Back home again now, and it's nice but I'm not liking the unpacking part. Especially since I have no idea what to do next. I have a chance to move back to the UK, but it'd be temporary and in a new place with strangers. Not terribly keen to do that. It has a plus side though, by being in the UK I can go visit people in Hull more regularly. It'd be jumping on a train instead of a flight...but we'll see what happens.

Calling Batman, Come In Batman.

2008-07-04T21:57:00.003Z

Week two at home is done. And has anything changed? No. Cv's have been sent out, flights have been booked and the rain is falling heavier now than a week ago, but thats kinda it.

Went for a walk with my 4 year old nephew this morning, we went down to the beach. That is actually the most exciting thing I've done with any of my days this week.

I booked flights, back in the UK on the 10th of July. Back in Hull on the 12th. Going to York for a couple of gigs and to see friends. Really looking forward to that, though Lord help me but I can't remember the names of the bands I'm going to see. I'm sure they'll be good.

No, I actually have nothing else to talk about. See you in the next cartoon...

...Commissioner Gordon!

Home Sweet Home

2008-06-26T23:29:00.003Z

But is it?

I've been home a week now. And as much as I love my family, and I like this town, things are different. Things change. It's inevitable.

The take away I ate from every week as a kid and a teenager has been sold. The name has changed, along with it the look, the menu and the staff.

The amusement park I spent an awful lot of my teenage years in is completely different. Yes, every year there are new machines and old ones get taken away or traded, but this is almost a total overhaul. It's just weird.

The people that I spent hour upon hour upon hour with, gossiping, giggling, plotting - most of them are no longer here. People are what make a place, and without them this place has lost some of it's glow.

I love my family, I love spending time with them, but part of me feels that by being away so much I'm missing out on a lot. Little jokes, sarcastic comments I would have gotten three years ago, when my sisters and I had the same sense of humour, I no longer pick up on because I've changed. I am even having trouble understanding my kid sister and my next door neighbour. I have lost touch with the accent. That's how bad its gotten. And what am I doing to fix it? Sitting online, searching for jobs in the UK.
This is my home, the place I grew up in, the place I made a lot of kid decisions in. Now, as an adult - supposedly - making adult decisions, all I can think is how I want to go back to England. I always say how I dislike this small town; but I dislike big cities too. Cities are too impersonal. Small towns are way too intimate. Everyone knows everyones' business. It's a nightmare. But it's life I suppose. I haven't yet found a happy medium, but I'm sure gonna keep looking.

First Timer

2008-06-14T23:18:00.000Z

Nineteen years old and still a modest girl. I had intended to stay that way, at least until I found someone I trusted enough to do it with. But I was pure no longer. I didn’t want to go with some random guy I barely knew but I had. I wanted my first time to be special, memorable, not regrettable. I knew it was going to hurt, I was prepared for that. I’d done my homework, but it still scared me. I knew I would get over the pain, and that I would end up enjoying it. Some people even got addicted to it –they did it once and wanted more and more.
He tried to sweet talk me into it. ‘It’ll only hurt a little bit,’ he told me.
‘But…the blood?’
‘That’s natural; almost everyone bleeds when they do it. Just don’t think about it. Relax!’ he told me ‘you’ll be fine. You’re in good hands. Trust me.’ He looked into my eyes and I believed him. ‘You still wanna do this?’
I nodded. I could feel the pain beginning and I wanted to dig my nails into the flesh of this guy who was causing it to cause him pain in return, but instead I clenched my fists and bit my lip to stop from screaming. I wanted to do this. I knew I’d probably regret it in the morning but I was here now, I wasn’t going to stop him.
Thoughts began to rush through my head, anything to distract from the pain I could feel. What if my friends found out I’d gone with some guy none of them knew? Or worse, what if my mum found out? I would not be the responsible girl she had raised if she did find out. I could try hide it but they’d uncover it, I know they would.
“Almost there.” I heard him say reassuringly. The ache was still constant, but I was becoming immune to it, each prick feeling slightly less painful than its predecessor. I heard the buzzing stop, and felt him pull away from my skin. ‘That wasn’t so bad now was it?’ he asked of me. I shook my head, feeling too shocked to speak. I was too scared to look but I did. I could just about make out the new black outline of a butterfly on my waistline, still slightly bloody from the needle.
“What about the colours?” I asked.
“Oh you’ll have to come back to get the specific colours done, that takes quite some time.” He was beginning to clear up his equipment.
“Come back?” I gulped. Once was enough I thought.
“Sure, in a couple of weeks when that’s healed. Make an appointment with Janet. Just make sure she knows it’s a tattoo appointment and not a piercing, we don’t wanna pierce those pretty wings. See ya.” And with that he left me alone with my new tattoo.

All In A Night - Creative Piece

2008-06-14T23:09:00.002Z

I know I said when I started this, once upon a nightmare, that this would contain things I had written or played about with for creative classes, but I was never happy enough with anything to put it on public display. So I'm going to throw up some bits and pieces over the next few days. For anyone that actually reads this, I'd love some feedback. The first one is a section from a story I wrote over a year ago, roughly titled Sophie & Noah. It's something I was keen to work more on, but other creative things took over. Hopefully when I have some free time in the next few months I'll start to work on it, among other things. Very short section. Enjoy:

The dance-floor was now heaving with a hundred or so students, and the heat was beginning to get to her. ‘Getting a drink’ she yelled over Abba and weaved her way across the floor. Her hand brushed against the small of someone’s back to gently nudge him out of her way, she slipped between three girls dancing around their handbags and manoeuvred her way to the edge, and without thinking took the long route around the club. She swept past people dancing and drinking and found herself at the bar. The queue was three people deep and although she hated the squash that was inevitable, the thought of going dancing again without having had something to quench her thirst wasn’t appealing. Elbowing her way into the crowd Sophie was checking the back of every brown-haired spiky-headed boy in her vision. She had studied Noah’s features over time and could pick him out at a distance. Unfortunately half the males on campus had spiked brown hair, broad shoulders and wore baggy jeans so it did make the task that little bit harder but she almost always got it right. Having made it to the bar with the use of a practiced elbow, Sophie ordered her drink and looked around. She noted a few familiar faces; some guys from her course were nearby making a scene. They were dressed head to toe in green and black and had obviously come for some theme night. Drink finally in hand she ducked under an arm and around a drunken couple. She stood against the wall, taking in the scene, all the while looking for his face. She could pick him out of a thousand strong crowd, and tonight was no exception. Though it had taken her longer than most nights she had spotted him in his white shirt, standing at the opposite end of the bar, ordering a drink. Now that she knew he was there she felt happier, she could take her time and bump into him, accidentally of course, during the night somewhere. First however she had to test her skills.
Coming up behind the guys in black and green, she placed her hand on the lower back of one, her body close to his. “Hey Jordan.” He turned to her and wrapped his arm around her waist.
“Hey you. Having a good night?”
“Yeah, so far. Hey, where’s my kiss?” Sophie turned her head and pointed towards her cheek. Jordan leaned in and kissed her skin. “That’s better! So what’s with the get up?”
“What? This?” He indicated his outfit.
“Yeah,” she replied “is it national Kiwi day and no one told me?” Jordan laughed.
“Nah, nothing like that. Ya see that guy?” He pointed to a guy Sophie recognised who had gelled black hair, a red bandana and what looked like home-made nun chucks “well it’s his 21st, and we’re all dressed as the Ninja Turtles for it.”
“So he’s Raphael? Which would make you…” she put her hand on his chest and pushed him back slightly, looking at him from head to toe, taking in the costume “…Michelangelo?”
“COWABUNGA!”
“DUDE!!!” They laughed together. “Oh, can’t believe I still remember that. Michelangelo was always my favourite though.” Looking up at him, she winked. She moved her hands to his arm and trailed the orange ribbon through her fingers, brushing his bare skin and running her hand down his bicep. She put her arms around his neck to hug him, taking his hand in her own when she pulled back. “Come dance with me later?”
“Yeah, sure.” She gave him a peck on the lips and turned to walk away. Still holding her hand he brought her back to him and pulled her in closer.
“That all I get?” he asked, looking into her eyes.
“’Fraid so,” she said, giving him a cheeky grin. “See ya later.” She walked away from him, going in the opposite direction to where she knew Noah was standing. She didn’t want to run into him just yet, it was too early. She found the girls where she had left them on the dance-floor so she joined in. Ruby, Sophie’s best friend since the first month of first year, took her hand, squeezed it and mouthed ‘Stop thinking about him.’ Nodding back at her, they both kept dancing. However knowing Noah was bound to be somewhere nearby, she kept letting her eyes drift to the sides of the club, to his normal haunts, occasionally spotting one of his friends but never him. Each time she brought her focus back into the circle she could see Ruby giving her that look, the one she reserved to tell Sophie ‘he’s not worth it, pay attention to us’. Sophie tried to, but after six or seven songs she made an excuse and left the close circle. Weaving her way through the throng she felt a hand on her wrist, turning around she saw it was Jordan. He had definitely had a lot more to drink since she had seen him earlier in the night.

Number 80

2008-06-14T22:29:00.003Z

It's been a while since I've written anything Huh? Truth is, I have nothing to write about. Well, I'm sure if I racked my brains I could find stuff to talk about, but is it worth writing? I'm having quite a disheartening time at the moment. Nothing seems to be working the way I want it to. I know it's partly my fault for not having more of a "go-get-'em" attitude, but I just feel like I won't be wanted by any employer. My degree is gonna be a 2.1 - I'm praying! It should be, but those last essays weren't my best work, I know it. And aside from that and the time with the ISA what have I got going for me?

People keep asking "So, what now?" And I feel like I'm 18 again, waiting for the LC results and telling people I'm not going to uni, that I don't want to. The looks I'm getting now from my peers are similar to the looks I got back then from my elders. The look of shock at the fact I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself or my life is similar to the look I'm getting now at the fact I have no real solid plans. I have a few vague ideas, but they are all dependant on other vague ideas being successful or falling through. People ask where I'm going to be and my answer is along the lines of "Somewhere in the south of Ireland or north of England." Because to be honest, that's about all I know right now. I had an interview for a job in a small village outside Manchester but was unsuccessful. That was the only positive line I had and it got cut. I have an offer to housesit in Northampton for a few months from August onwards, but do I want to move that far away? If I stay in England I'd kinda like to be near Hull. A lot of friends are sticking around here and it'd be nice to be able to visit easily. And I'm sure Northampton would be nice and I'd meet people and all that, but this is my home now.

Speaking of leaving Hull, I am getting so upset this week. I said goodbye to one of my best friends on Tuesday, and it's the last time I'll see him for God knows how long. I may see him in July when I come back for graduation, but then he may not be around as he's not graduating himself. If I come back next year for visits he'll be top of my list of people to see, but thats only an "if" I come back. I don't see why I wouldn't, but it doesn't stop it playing on my mind. Had we not said goodbye in the middle of the street I'm sure I would have cried. And I know I'm gonna cry either Wednesday or Thursday when I have to say goodbye to the guy I've been spending all my time with since exams ended. He and I have spent a ton of time together over the year and have gotten really close. He knows way too much about me. Since we both finished essays we've hung out almost every day, doing something - generally watching movies or just talking til God knows what time in the morning. Saying goodbye to him is going to be weird. Not seeing him on an almost daily basis is going to throw me.

Packing is proving to be difficult. I keep promising myself I'm going to sort my room, decide whats for charity, whats for friends and whats for home. So far I've gone through about a third of my clothes, some of my books and thats it. The books proved problematic, I don't want to get rid of barely any of them, but I am trying. Doesn't help that I keep finding more I want. I've bought about six books since I finished my degree. Not too bad, but thats about how many I bought for pleasure in the three years I was at uni. I've read four, am on number five. My favourite was one called Fup {the authors name escapes me right now} about a grandfather, his grandson and the duck they find and raise as a pet. It's just plain silly, can be read in about an hour. But thoroughly enjoyable.

Packing - thats what I was talking about, not books. Packing! The clothes and shoes are proving difficult too. I was in agony thinking about having to sort through my shoes. I have two pairs of boots I know I should throw out, but can't help thinking that the cobbler in Waterford might be able to fix them for me. Cause I don't want to throw them. I like them too much! But then there's shoes I've never worn, or only worn two or three times, and know I should throw, but there's the "What if?" potential to each shoe that makes me rethink it.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I should stop and go read. Or sort. Or pack. Or something.
Also, post 80! Who'd have thought.

Balls and Boyz!

2008-06-02T00:10:00.004Z

Nici leaves tomorrow. It's been a good week, but flown by pretty quickly. I've loved having her here, though I'm not so sure she picked up on that. It's been a strange week for me, strange few weeks actually. I'm so lost about what to do. I keep making vague plans with friends and realising that really I can't agree to anything because I have no idea what I'll be doing or where I'll be doing it. People keep asking what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, what my plans are....all I can do is shrug my shoulders, shake my head and tell them I have no idea. Seems like I'm not the only one though, which does make me feel that bit better.

Anyway, back to Nici, we had an interesting week. Lots of shopping, not many purchases. Lots of walking, not much sleep. And lots of music! Friday night was the Boyzone concert down in London, which despite my initial "Oh my god, what am I doing?" feelings, was a fantastic night. The two support acts were less than great but they were entertaining. The Boyz were brilliant. They may have aged, but so have their audience. I actually felt quite young while looking around me. The four women sat to my right were all well over 40.
There was one moment when I felt quite old however. One of the boyz was introducing a song and he made a comment about how it was 15 years since they had recorded it. FIFTEEN YEARS!!!! I was 8! Susan, Nici and I all looked at each other in shock and started laughing. It felt weird to know I've been listening to their music - albeit on and off - for that many years. Which means I was about 9 when I first saw them live in O'Sheas. Wow! But all in all, a good night. The trip down took us a lot longer than we would have liked, but thats mostly due to the fact we're not very competent travellers.

The End Of Year Ball was last night, and it ended up being quite a good night out. Not as much fun as last years ball, but still a brilliant night. Nici seemed to enjoy it too, which is good. Her, Tom and Roland seemed to have fun. I took - and Ben took - quite a few photos, so once I have them loaded I'll put some up. If for nothing else but the dresses. Which, I might add, it took me forever to find. I bought my dress for the ball at about 2pm yesterday afternoon. But it worked out well, I loved it. Was a little doubtful to begin with, but by the time the night was ending, I was in love with it.
As for events at the ball, one friend informed me I'm one of the most important women in his life, which made me feel happy. As simple as it sounds, it made me feel happy. He is one of the people I have met here that I intend to still be in touch with in my 60's. When, I might add, is about the time he thinks we'll end up getting married. Another close friend told me he thinks I'll be really close to his children. I told him I better be. His response was along the lines of: "Well, lets face it, you'll probably be their mother." Which is kinda sweet, in a weird way. I even managed to make one friend cry - well, almost - with words. We were talking, and yes he was a little drunk, and he said some sweet things, and I informed him that when we first met early in our first year he was a boy, and I've seen him grow into a man in the three years we've known each other. He smiled and almost cried. Which was nice payback, since he's one of the two people who have seen me cry in Hull.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop for now. Sleep is needed.

Another thing that makes me happy

2008-05-27T09:54:00.001Z

Nici arrives today for a week! I can't wait to see her. It's going to be an interesting week, but fun! I hope!

Things that make Me Happy!

2008-05-23T21:50:00.004Z

It's been a week since I handed in my last essay and I still don't know what I'm doing. I have received word of a possible interview in a little village outside Manchester in the next couple of weeks, and I have in my possession an application form for a job in the union here at the university. It's just a case of taking small steps and hoping that they build up to a long distance. Did that make sense?
Anywho, since I had handed in my last essay I decided I should go through my books and folders and notes and decide on what to throw, what to give to charity and what to keep. So far the throw and charity piles are a little too small, but they're getting there. Anyway, I found an old notepad and in the middle on a random page was a list entitled: Things That Make Me Happy! So I thought, for whatever reason, I'd put it on a post. There was also the: Things I Want To Do Before I Die list but that can wait for another day. So here goes! In no particular order

Sleeping Late

Watching good movies

Hugs

Music

Singing

Completing a jigsaw

Good books

Warm fire on a cold day.

Singing along to a favourite song at the top of my voice.

Photos and Photo Albums

Thunderstorms

Musicals

John Cusack Movies

Meeting new people

Walking at a fast pace

Talking

Smell of leather

Seeing good things happen to good people

Being a part of that ^^

Seeing live music

Kittens

Fresh nail varnish

Walking on a deserted beach

The sky turning pink

Some of those things should maybe be edited slightly, but the date on the top of the page is July 5th, 2006, so I'm going to leave it as is. It's two years almost. Alot changes in two years!

Three years...what now?

2008-05-17T17:00:00.003Z

Thursday morning I handed in my essay on the works of Samuel Beckett, and once that green acceptance slip was in my hands I knew I had come to the end. My final essay. My final Third year essay. The end of my degree. Three years of living in Hull, three years of getting to know the people, the campus, the city and now it's all over. Put it in a box marked memories and put it on a shelf, to be peeked into sporadically over the rest of my life. It's a little bit sad really. But it hasn't really sunk in either. Give it a few weeks, when I have to start saying goodbye to people, then it'll sink in. Although, I did have to say goodbye to someone already. I was in Spiders last night and I met a friend who was leaving today. He finished on Wednesday and having no job, no money and nothing to do made the decision to go home. That was a little strange.

On a brighter note, my sister is coming to visit in just over a week. Can't wait to see her, and can't wait to have her here. Have a lot planned for the week she's here, we'll both be knackered by the end of it but what harm!

Photos from the ground

2008-05-10T10:57:00.005Z

I came across something yesterday that made me smile. Well, let me correct that, I was directed towards something because someone knew it would make me smile. Down a side street quite near to the university it seems that some students thought that the sunny weather meant it was time for some games.

They had drawn a hopscotch board{?} on the footpath, with the words "Feel free to hopscotch" before it, surrounded by pictures of flowers and hearts and rainbows. It just made my day.

Well, that and finding this a few streets away from my house. It's stuck to the ground, but perfectly. Almost like someone placed it there!

Long time coming

2008-05-03T19:25:00.004Z

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, and I kept forgetting, but I saw something today that prompted me to actually sit and write. When I was younger, early teens, I used to spend my Saturdays in the city, shopping, hanging out with friends, what you'd expect teenagers to do. On these days I used to see a variety of people, but the ones that used to always catch my attention were the goths. Now in winter they're not that surprising to see, but in summer they used to astound me. Dark clothes attract the sun, making you warmer. Big leather coats equals even warmer still. Piercings, dyed hair, shaved hair - these are all part and parcel of the goth look. And I know in the media {film, tv etc} they are portrayed as a nuisance, or as depressed, or just a bit of trouble. But the thing is, Goth's are people too!! I know, it sounds silly to say, but I've wanted to say it for a while. A lot of my friends are - well, not goths, but close to it. I have a bunch of friends whose wardrobes consist of black, black and some more black. The girls might stretch to purple or pink or red now and again, but generally its black with black. I had a house party a week ago, and I invited this particular bunch of friends. A girl I know when she found out this lot were coming, declared that she might get drunk before coming to mine, because they're my 'scary' friends. Why is that? Why is it that people find people in long leather jackets, dark hair and piercings frightening or intimidating? Some of my best friends are geeks and goths!!! Photos from Rocky Horror will hopefully show that! Assuming I'm allowed take photos.

Oh, and the thing I saw today that prompted me to write this? I was walking up Princes Ave today, about lunchtime, and across the road was a guy dressed head to toe in black with long flowing dark hair. Black t-shirt, black jumper tied around his waist, black trainers and black shorts! Yeah, SHORTS!!! I found it entertaining!

Celebrations and Shoot Outs!

2008-05-01T23:03:00.002Z

Few things to report since the other night - oddly enough. Some I just forgot to mention, others have happened since.
Last things first: Went to see In Bruges last night, brilliant brilliant film. Absolutely loved it, it is a clever piece of film, and it has totally changed my opinion of Colin Farrell. I always said he was a bit of an idiot and that the only time he's ever done anything anyway good was when he appeared in an episode of Scrubs playing an Irish guy. And here he is again playing an Irish guy. An Irish hitman but an Irish guy nonetheless. Definately worth going to see. Brendan Gleeson is brilliant in it too, hilarious film.

Second and more importantly - I got my best friend back!! He's been MIA for a few months due to.....well....circumstances beyond our control, but the circumstances have been dealt with and he's back!! So we've spent copious amounts of time together in the past week and it's soooo good! The guy knows too much about me for him to go disappearing anywhere. Gotta keep him in the good books!

Thirdly - Monday is ROCKY HORROR NIGHT!!! Wooo!!! Lots of men in corsets too small for them and girls in torn fish nets! Gonna be fun! Hopefully I'll remember to take photos!

It's been a while...

2008-04-30T15:35:00.001Z

...so I thought I'd update. Not really sure what to talk about though. Essays, essays essays are getting me down, so I'm using a typical Martha technique and sticking my head in the sand to ignore it all. It's not working though. I can slowly feel my stomach getting tighter and tighter and the urge to scream and run away getting higher and higher, but it's not gonna happen. I know in my head that I'm slowly but surely working my way through everything, I just feel like I'm not getting anything done and that the due dates are gonna show up and I'm not gonna be ready for them. Like having a dinner party, the guests showing up and you've almost completed the meal, but it's not there yet and you know that your guests will be waiting longer than you had intended.
Last Friday night I had a house party. I say *I* because only two of my five housemates bothered to show up at it, and one of those two had been telling people it was my party. It was an interesting night. I've never had the paramedics and police show up at a party before. But it was a fun night regardless.
Aside from that, all has been quiet. I've been to see two plays in the past two weeks as the Drama Society have had a mini drama festival. They have three plays on, one every week for the past two weeks and one next week, and they did a fantastic deal. If you go see the first two, keep your tickets, you can go see the third for free. So that's just what I'm doing. The first one was A Streetcar Named Desire. Two friends of mine were in it so that was incentive enough to go. It was well put together, the set was very cleverly thought out and the space was used fantastically. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The second one, which I went to see last night was The Suicide. A russian comedy, written in the 1920's in Soviet Russia. Possibly the strangest, but best, play I have seen in a long time. And the best Drama Soc production I've seen since Rumours in my second year, which I went to see twice it was that good. I won't give the story away, because if anyone ever gets the chance to see this play they should, but wow. Amazing! Hysterically funny for all the wrong reasons. The third one, which I'm going to see next Tuesday is called Baby With The Bathwater, which is a play about gender confusion. I'm intruiged!

Geekfest & Essays....more essays.....

2008-04-18T00:21:00.000Z

I'm sure I have nothing interesting to write about, but I'm gonna give it a go anyway! It'll kill some time.

Over the past few days I have done research for two of my essays. Granted, the two shortest ones, but still, it's a start. The third one is the one I'm dreading. 5,000 words on Samuel Beckett. Where do I begin? I can't even read his books, let alone write on them. I've gotten half way through a couple of the novels and plays on this module, and thankfully that's enough to get me through the seminars, but my god!! Trying to pick an essay topic? Can I not just write about how un-accesible his writing is? I'm not sure my lecturer would be keen on that, since he's an avid Beckett fan. But hey, I'll get there. I always do. The essay might end up being complete and utter....well, you know! But I'm not that bothered. As long as my other essays are up to scratch I should be fine. The fourth one is not going to be fun though, it's a creative writing piece that I've barely began to scratch the surface on. I have a basic plot in my head, but I know myself that it will change as soon as it leaves my mind and hits paper. The original idea will be a puff of smoke. And if its as good as my last few creative pieces, it will probably deserve to be thrown on the fire and become smoke itself.

My phone, my NEW phone, only two months old, has developed some interesting extra features I didn't ask for. Among them, if I go into certain folders it switches itself off, it won't recognise names and half my contact list seems to be invisable unless called upon. Finally got around to going into the shop and asking about it, seems I have to take it to a Nokia Service Centre in Hessle to get it fixed, so guess what I'm doing Saturday? Never been to Hessle before. Never really wanted to. But hey, first time for everything!

Saturday night, assuming I get back from Hessle in one piece, is going to be interesting - to say the least. It's Geekfest. And yes, it is exactly what it sounds like. A night of debauchery for geeks. Basically, it's a party where people come dressed as a character from their favourite show or movie or - never let me get this bad - their favourite game. Yes I'm serious! Anyway, I dropped my head round the door at the last one, back in Oct/Nov and it did seem like a bit of a laugh. Granted I didn't recognise any of the costumes or characters, but I'm still a newbie when it comes to sci-fi and fantasy. I've decided to go as Kaylee from Firefly {she's a mechanic on a spaceship}, mostly because its a fairly simple outfit to throw together - dungarees, flowery shirt, docs and loose hair - but partly cause I love her. She's a fabulous character. Yes, I'm falling deeper into their world, I know...I know. Hopefully will take loads of photos. Assuming I remember to buy batteries - still haven't!

Random

2008-04-12T22:46:00.004Z

I haven't got an awful lot to talk about. Essays are weighing me down, I'm getting ill again I think and I am constantly tired. I know I've been doing too much since I got back from Ireland, but I can't help it. I get to Hull and immediately start making plans. Then I have work to do on top of everything. I know it should come first, and I am slowly changing the order of my priorities, but getting there is difficult. I'm like my mother, I find it hard to say no to people.

Last night I went to my friend Ali's house for a get together. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago so he invited a bunch of us round for food and drinks and fun. And what fun! I haven't had such a good night in in a very long time. And I haven't danced quite so much or so vigourously in a long time either. I have photos but the battery has died in my camera, and I'm too lazy to try revive it. As soon as I do I'll post a couple of pics. UPDATE: Some shots from the party at Ali's. First one is Vicky, Heiko and Adonis, and the second one is an action shot of Heiko and Idris dancing!

I've found a couple of wonderful blogs that I wanted to share. The first is PDP - Paris Daily Photo. I love this city and this guy makes me miss it and fall in love with it even more every time I look at the site. The second is PostSecret - weekly updated with new secrets, if you haven't seen it before, check it out. And lastly, cause both my sister and sister in law read this and go through the same things, I believe, its Bottles, Barbies & Boys. Its the day to day life of a mother of 3. Enjoy.

A Simple Request

2008-04-10T17:46:00.003Z

I have decided on what I want. I want a guy who:

Makes me smile,

Makes me laugh,

I can talk to,

I can trust,

Wants to be with me,

Is available when I am,

Listens to me,

Pays attention to me,

Is mature when the situation calls for it, and similarly immature when the sitaution arises,

Knows what he wants and goes for it.

Not too much to ask, is it?

Queues and Snow

2008-04-09T18:46:00.004Z

I tried posting the other night while I was queuing for ball tickets in the union but the union computers don't seem to like blogger, so it didn't work. But to repeat what I said there, oh my god! I queued from midnight on Sunday evening and tickets went on sale at 10am on Monday morning. It was an experience - that I do not want to repeat, ever! Didn't help matters that it had been snowing from 7pm that evening and didn't stop until about 1am. Started about about 6 ish but didn't last long.

On another note, on Saturday evening I went to a village/town on the other side of the Humber Bridge called Caistor to see a local variety show, and I can honestly say I haven't had that much fun in a long time. It was fun to see a local production, something that the community put their heart and soul into and spent hours and hours preparing. It made me want to get the Tramore Musical Society up and running again, but I think I would be met with difficulties, from most people.

Sunshine....On my window....

2008-04-03T17:27:00.003Z

....makes me happy, like I should be. We have had some absolutely beautiful days this week. The sun has been shining, its been almost cloudless skies, squirrels are starting to move about again and everything is green and bright. I love Spring! But, if I believe all I hear, we are due about 2 or 3 cms of snow over the weekend. How nuts is that? There goes my plan for sitting in the park with my book on Sunday. I have been taking some nice shots of the park and ducks and such, once I have them loaded I'll add some.
I got the essay done, not the best I've ever written but not the worst, so we'll see how it goes. One down, four to go. I think very shortly I will have no life outside of these four essays and classes. I know I need to keep a balance or I'll go mad, as it is I haven't gotten that balance right yet. I keep making social dates...coffee or drinks or meals....just things to keep me away from my work. So that has got to change.
Oh, and I'm adding another guy to the list. Another guy with a girlfriend has decided he likes me. Flattered. But....why is it always the taken ones I attract? Can't I find a single guy who likes me? Just once, that'd be nice.

Time for a Proper Post

2008-03-29T14:56:00.002Z

Day four back in Hull and what a busy few days its been. I got back Wednesday and was hounded {!!} to go out, so I went and actually had a really good night. We went to Sharkeys, and there ended up being quite a lot of us - especially if you include the three bar staff that I knew.

Thursday I went to the library, did work, met up with a friend for coffee and then that night a friend of mine came over, we had dinner and watched some movies and ended up talking until almost 3am. It was a really nice day. Yesterday I went to see the new Katherine Heigl movie, 27 Dresses. Definately worth a visit. Her and James Marsden work well on screen together and the movie is funny and entertaining.

Then went to Spiders last night with my housemate, a friend of his that's visiting and another crowd of people. The place was pretty empty, most students not being back yet, but it was still quite a good night. So today I am a little bit tired. But it's been fun. And, I've managed to get half way through my essay at the same time, which is a shock to me but there it is, over 1000 words written. Not sure when they got written, but they did. Just another 1,200 or so to go and it's done. That's the plan for the rest of today, since I don't think I have the energy to go partying again, as much as I'd like to.

Easter at home was fun. It was quiet but I liked it. Gave me a chance to relax and think through some things, future options, current predicaments, things of that nature. I don't think I've come to any set decision as yet, but it was a chance to sit without any of the normal distractions.

Speaking of distractions, it was so good to see my nephews this holiday. Eoin took some time to get used to me, but that's not surprising. And Conor was, as always, hilarious without intention to be. And I am quite jealous of him, he got to have his first ever ride on a motorbike. A friend of my father's came to call on his bike, and offered Conor a spin. Why didn't I get one??

Hull....

2008-03-27T11:39:00.001Z

....I'm back, and Oh how I missed you!!

Food & Friends

2008-03-20T22:58:00.004Z

I've already said that my trip home has consisted of a lot of food, and it hasn't changed. I'm still eating way too much food, but its sooo good.

I have a bit of a problem. I've a close friend who is, well, for want of a better phrase absolutely wrecking my head lately. I can't be around her without wanting to leave. She has finally picked up that there's something wrong, and she keeps asking, but I can't give her any reply other than I'm fine. I don't want to talk to her. About anything. I dunno, maybe I've just grown impatient with people. I've not spoken to one of my best friends in over a month because he just got on my last nerve. He is a hard guy to handle at the best of times, but I am a patient person and I love him, so I've stuck with him throughout uni. But since Christmas he had been making me feel guilty and feel like the things I did, the things I poured my heart into, the things that I spent my spare time working on were unimportant and pointless in his eyes. Which made me feel belittled and hurt. I couldn't get over it, and every time we spoke he made me feel worse. So I eventually screamed at him down the phone, to the point where he hung up. We've not spoken since.

I miss him. Which sounds silly, cause of the way he was treating me, but I do. He has this terrible habit of knowing what to say to make me see sense. Knowing what to say to make me feel like I'm not worthy, or not bright, or not aware of whats going on in front of me. I know sometimes I can be naive but its not as bad as makes out.

I'm rambling, guess I haven't made up my mind about what to do about the boy. My life is definately not the same without him in it, but do I want someone in my life who makes me feel like that?? To be fair, he can also cheer me up when no one else can, and he makes me smile and laugh and we can talk. But.....when I weigh up both sides, which one wins?

Home again, Home again

2008-03-17T00:14:00.002Z

Been home a few days now and though its nice, it feels different. I know, it sounds weird, but it does. I guess I kinda feel homesick for Hull, which is strange, because last time I was home I didn't. But hey, things change.
Not been up to much since being home really. I've spent time chilling out at home, spending time with Conor and Ceilí. Trying to get Eoin used to me, he's still a bit wary of me, which is only natural I suppose. Been eating a lot, I always do when I come home. I put on weight when I get home because I eat things I tend to avoid in Eng. I don't avoid them on purpose, I just don't think to buy them. But here, they're a staple. Like white bread, french rolls, cheese, ham, crisps....mmm, then there's my mum's cooking, which is one of my favourite things ever. I tend to eat and eat and keep eating when it comes to meal times in this house.

One thing that I've been thinking about is my older sister asked me the other day if I was okay. She said I seemed distant. I can feel that I am, and I know that I'm not entirely relaxed this time round, but I can't work out why. It upsets me a bit to know I can't be entirely relaxed around my family, as they are the ones I should be completely myself with, but I guess I feel like somethings missing. I'm not quite sure what.

So, buttons?

2008-03-11T23:12:00.003Z

I've been getting quite good at writing here regularly in the past month or two, and I'm proud of that. It may not be the most interesting read, but it's mine. But, the regular posts may get disrupted as I'm going home tomorrow for two weeks. Chances are I'll sit down at some point and type a blog, but it may happen just the once.

To be fair, I don't really have a lot to write about lately, I just like the regularity of writing here, as empty as they posts may be.

I saw Nick tonight. For the first time since we split. And it was really nice. He came round, we chatted a bit, watched a movie, just chilled out. Was good to be able to do that. He's got himself a new girlfriend, apparently he had to reassure her that nothing was going on between us. Can I make that number 5 on my list?? But she has reason, I guess. More reason than most.

I'm packed. It's the night before I'm due to travel and I'm packed. This doesn't happen. I'm normally running around like a headless chicken at this point, trying to find things. Although, and I know this will sound a little odd, I have lost a pair of tights. I washed them, hung them up with other clothes to dry to bring home with me, when I went to get the clothes someone had moved them into my basket, so I brought it upstairs. As I emptied it I realised the tights were gone. Peculiar, no? I'm sure they'll show up, 6 weeks down the line when I no longer want or need them.
But yeah, back to being packed. Aside from having to throw in things like toothbrush, hairbrush, I'm done. I swear I'm forgetting something though. I'm sure I'll find out when I get home tomorrow!

Puzzled Shop Staff

2008-03-10T14:16:00.002Z

I wandered into a little shop this morning, wandered around looking for something. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted though. I get like that. Upon finding nothing of interest I headed for the door. The guy behind the counter asked me what I was looking for because I looked bemused.

"Inspiration" I told him.

He looked at me like I was a little crazy after that.

Choices

2008-03-07T15:01:00.005Z

It's been a bit of an odd week. After the election results on Thursday night I decided to take things in my stride. I spent the weekend primarily by myself, which suited me fine. I worked, I read, I baked. I even made a to-do list, and managed to cross more than half the points off. I felt quite good about things. I didn't get a chance to really think about my future. But that suited me fine. I don't really want to think about what to do. I've spent the past week avoiding the idea. People keep asking, and I tell everyone something different. One person I told I was hoping to go home and work on a new local paper - which is a possibility. Another person I mentioned that I may move to Australia - which is again a possibility. But who knows where I'll end up or what I'll end up doing.

I also think I may have made myself ill. I've been feeling tired, run down and generally not 100% for a few days, which culminated in me having a headache for the duration of today and sleeping badly the past few nights. I think this trip home will do me the world of good. Roll on Wednesday!!

I said I baked - here's the proof. Brown Butter Cookies with chocolate. They were really really good. But really small - shaped in a teaspoon. I'm thinking of making bigger ones and decorating them like Easter eggs for the boys for Easter weekend, if I manage it I'll take photos.

Election Fever Is Done

2008-02-29T10:19:00.002Z

Election Stuff
I had hoped to be able to write here this morning that all the questions I had in my head for if I didn't win would not need to be answered for another year, but that's not the case. The position went to one of my opponents. But hey, someone had to lose. And I'll admit, I know it's all my own fault that I didn't get it. If I'd been more enthusiastic about campaigning there's a good chance I'd have surpassed my opponents....but I'm thinking maybe deep down I didn't want to win. The experience was one I won't forget, but I don't think doing the job would have made me totally happy. All I need to do now is figure out what it is that will make me happy.

In regards to the other positions, I'm delighted for quite a few of the results. People I hope will do an amazing job, and definately the best candidates won - in most cases. In the case of President of HUU however, the only thing I have to say is I am absolutely delighted that I am now a member of her team for next year. I could not - and would not - put up with her for an entire year as my co-worker. And I pity the VP's who have to work with her.

Lastly, big big big congrats to Mr. Hamilton. He was up against a very tough opponent and I know he was terribly nervous throughout the week, but it all came to fruition. Good luck in the job Alex.

Other Stuff
There's not a lot of other stuff to talk about right now, elections kinda took over my life. Guess I can have it back now. I am open to suggestions as to what to do in the future if anyone wants to pass ideas on. I am kinda looking forward to going home for easter. It'll do me good to get away from Hull and think clearly about my future, and about what I want to do. Part of me wants to go home, work and earn some money. Pay back loans and parents and that. But then part of me wants to stay in England, maybe Hull, maybe not. Do the same thing, get a job and start paying back all the money I owe.
I heard yesterday that a girl I went to school with got the keys of her new house. It rocked me slightly. As did getting a wedding invitation from a girl I knew in school. It's a bit strange to think the people I grew up with are, well, growing up. Getting married, buying houses....it's all a bit much. I guess it's something I've got to start thinking about.

Nerves

2008-02-28T18:18:00.003Z

For the duration of the lead up to the elections I've been totally calm, quite relaxed and blaizé about it all to be quite honest. Now, hours from the results, I'm getting terribly nervous. Like ridiculously. It's occured to me now that if things don't go as I would like them to this evening then I have to create a whole new game plan. Like entirely new! What do I do if this goes wrong? I'll have to start again. Do I go home? Do I stay in Hull? Do I stay in England but move? I mean, I just don't know. I guess I'll know whether I need to make a decision or not in the next few hours. Wish me luck!!

The List Grows

2008-02-28T10:57:00.003Z

I never knew I was such a threat to girls. I always thought of myself as a bit of a tomboy, and the kinda girl that both guys and girls just saw as a mate. But apparently not. I can now add another one to the list of girls that dislike me because they think I want their boyfriend!! A close friend's ex came up to me last night, pulled me aside and apologised for being nasty to me for the first six months that her and my friend were going out. He and I had dated in our first year for a few weeks, decided we were better as friends and have stayed close friends since. I always thought she knew about it and that that was why she had been cold towards me. Apparently that's not the case. She never knew about it but could tell there was something between him and I, so she assumed either he liked me or vice versa. When she eventually found out - he didn't tell her about it for about six or seven months - she felt justified and continued to be not the nicest person towards me until they broke up recently. What is it? What do I do that makes girlfriends uncomfortable?

Today is the last day of voting in the elections, and the results will be announced tonight. I'm a little nervous but not at the same time. All I can do it wait and see I guess. Fingers crossed!

Paris & Others

2008-02-27T00:32:00.004Z

Election Update
Voting started at midnight, Tuesday 26th and runs until 7:30pm Thursday 28th. So we're over a third of the way through. I've already cast my vote and am just hoping that hundreds of students do the same. I'd adore it if thousands voted, but who am I kidding? It won't happen. Not with student apathy the way it is. As for campaigning, I'm talking to people, telling them who I am, what I stand for and what the election is all about. It's amazing how many people - even second and third years - don't know what it is, or what the positions do or are for. I hope to educate people on these things. But enough election crap....

....Paris was beautiful. Isn't it always? It was sunny and warm - in the sunshine! It was full of tourists. It was full of english people because of the rugby but we ignored them as best we could. Unfortunately we were not lucky enough to get our hands on some match tickets, but we enjoyed the rugby none the less. We found a pokey little scottish bar, called The Highlander down some little alley way off the banks of the Seine, and sat there for most of saturday watching the rugby. We even made some friends with a bunch of lads from Coventry. I say lads, two of them were about 18, the other two were their fathers. But they made the day entertaining.

I'm proud of myself. I didn't do much of the traditional tourist thing. I figured I've done that before, I can go a weekend without it. Went to the Rodin museum and the Picasso museum, but aside from that we didn't do too many tourist things. We walked a lot. A LOT!! We wandered around St Germaine quite a lot, just looking. Not looking for anything in particular but just looking. We spent some time wandering around St Paul also, and found the most gorgeous little chocolate shop. The chocolate is made in sheets, and they weigh out how much you want in little slabs of it. And some of the flavours just looked gorgeous!! My only problem though is the french prefer plain chocolate to milk, and plain chocolate just doesn't do it for me. But they had one which was Caramel Chocolate, and that was mostly milk chocolate, with little chunks of hard caramel throughout it....had to go back and buy more on Sunday morning before leaving. It's all gone now unfortunately! And we ate a lot of ice-cream. My theory being you should eat a lot of it while you're on the continent cause Ireland and England just don't have good ice cream. You don't get real ice-cream here, you get that useless whipped stuff out of a machine. I had lots of sorbet, lemon and rasperry and rose - that last one was really good - and then cookies and cream ice cream. Mmmm.

Highlight of the trip for me would have to be the Friday evening. We wandered around the city a little, ending up in front of Sacre Coeur. I love that area, you can see almost the entire city, and at night it just looks amazing. It's so wide, so vast and so full!! But when we arrived there was two guys stood on the steps playing some music and singing, so we sat and listened for a while, looking out over the glittering city. I'd have happily sat there all weekend. We saw some brilliant street performers actually, besides these two guys. We saw some jugglers - well, it was contact ball technically - we saw rollerbladers doing tricks, we heard some brilliant music around Notre Dame. The rollerbladers were possibly my favourites though, they were fantastic. It was really hard to draw ourselves away from the crowd surrounding them. I'd say we stood and watched them for over half an hour.

Busy Busy Busy

2008-02-21T00:37:00.003Z

Election Update!
This week has been kind of crazy. Monday at about 12:30, Harri - the current VPAR - reminded me of a meeting I was supposed to attend in Scarborough with him that night along with the other VPAR candidates, to get a feel for the job, get a chance to meet some Scarborough student reps and have a mini q&a. So We left Hull at about 4:30 and got back at about 10! It was a long evening. Well worth it, but a long day. I was out of the house from 10:30am til about 11pm!!

Tuesday - was that only yesterday? Oh man, it's been a long week - saw the beginning of the madness that is election fever. 10am - by the union clock settings - saw dozens of students in the union foyer putting posters up on any available space. It was madness! There was hands, paper, blutack and elbows everywhere. I have to say, I'm being a bit too relaxed about it all. I just wasn't all that motivated about the posters. Yes I know they can make a difference in people voting for you, but it's such a waste. The union looks ridiculous covered in sheets of green, yellow, pink and white with slogans and photos splashed across them. And then today half of them were underfoot, instead of infront of face! And that doesn't include the ones pulled down by angry students. There is some controversy regarding one of the candidates, but since it's all ongoing at the moment, I can't actually say anything specific about it.

Tuesday night - We had what is called Hustings. It's an opportunity for all candidates for all positions to get up, give a speech and answer some questions. The idea was that each candidate would get two minutes to give a speech, then once all had given their two cents, there would be two rounds of three questions put to the candidates, who would then take it turn to answer, with only a minute on the clock. When you think the number of candidates running for Pres is 6, for AU is 5, and the average for the rest is about 3, you can see how it stretched into a long night. We got out of there at about 10:45. But it was good, did me a lot of good to get up in front of a - small - crowd and tell them my opinions and positions for the job.

Today, thankfully, was not quite as busy. Had a radio interview about the election, which was a lot easier than I expected it to be, and that was it election wise!

Wow, when I put it into words I realise just how much I've been doing. I'm still wondering why, I mean do I honestly really want to do this? I think I do....I just want something to convince me.

Life Update
So outside of Election Fever I've not been up to much to be honest. Sleeping, remembering to eat, and not just junk food. Those are kinda my main two priorities outside of elections. But, tomorrow, at 6pm, I will be clambering onto a bus, driving down to Dover, across the sea to Calais and then on to Paris. Three day, the most beautiful city in the world and me!! I cannot wait. But at the same time, part of me doesn't want to go anymore. I'm getting a cold, my back is in agony most of the time - another story - and its bloody cold out! I've been wearing a hat, scarf and gloves every day the last week! We had snow all day yesterday! It's just mental! But it should be fun. Not so sure I wanna do the touristy thing again though. There's a couple of places I want to go back to, but I'm more interested in maybe finding a quirky pub and brushing up on my french with some randomers. That could be fun.

V-Day

2008-02-15T01:18:00.003Z

That dreaded day has come and gone. I've never been a fan of the day in the past. It's a commercial money making machine for card companies and chocolatiers and florists. I don't like couples who use the day as an excuse to show how much they care for each other. Yes I understand some people have trouble expressing themselves and days like this are a great help to those kind, but for me...if the man I'm with needs valentines day to express how he cares for me, then I'm with the wrong guy. I should know it by the things he does throughout the year, not just on that one day. Yes, I am an old fashioned romantic in some ways, and this is one.

Speaking of romance, Nick and I called it quits. Two days short of four months {though he thought it had been six - boys!} We talked things through and agreed we were not working and were too different so we split. And it was a good call. He's a nice guy, but not for me.

The sabbatical elections are in two weeks *bites nails*. I'm more nervous than I thought I'd be, and yet not very motivated. It's a bit weird. Fingers crossed it all goes well. I still don't even know if this is something I really want to do, but sure hey! If it's not I'll know later won't I?

Question Time

2008-02-08T20:45:00.000Z

I have a question. Am I the only one that suffers from feeling like you're still a child and have no idea about what's going on around you? That things are passing you by in some "adult world" and you're just a bystander? If I'm not the only one, does it ever go away? I've been feeling like that a lot lately. Like somehow I went through a secret door and ended up in an adult land with no clue whats going on and no idea how to navigate my way around it. How do people do it? How do they carry on a normal seeming existence when there is so much crap going on around them? At the moment I am trying to juggle several different things - committees, uni work, elections, seeing people - and still having to be my normal cheery self. It's not easy. A close friend of mine keeps asking if I'm okay, and up until today I would just reply yeah fine! Today she phrased it differently, she asked "I know it's a question you don't like hearing, but are you okay?" My response was "Then do us a favour and stop asking it!" She laughed. I was serious. It really annoys me when it's obvious that I'm not and don't want to talk about it. She should know me well enough to know that.

Anyway! Think I'm done with that tangent - for the time being.

Elections are coming up fast. Three weeks. January 26th the polls open. I'm scared! I went to see the guy who is currently in the position I'm running for yesterday and he showed me some bits and pieces so I can get an idea of what he does. I took some of the material away with me and had a better look at it today, and I can honestly say I don't think I understood even a quarter of what was written on it. Yes I know that I would get full training for the position if I won the place, but the question is do I really want to have to go through learning all of that stuff? It all read like gobbledegook to me. I'm going to go and talk to him again on Monday and discuss it with him. The nomination forms have to be in by midday Tuesday so I'll have it filled in and in my bag, and if talking to him about it convinces me then I'll go and hand it in. No turning back once thats done!

Tom Waits

2008-02-06T23:24:00.000Z

I've never really listened to a lot of Tom Waits and paid attention. The only song of his I know inside out is my namesake. And it is the only song I have ever found that brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. Doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing or who I'm with, there will be tears. I was making a mix cd for a friend last night, and we had been talking before about my name, so I said I would put it on the cd. I did and cried. I only got back from being at home and it made me want to go again. So this morning I booked my flights for Easter! Two whole weeks at home. Will I survive? Hope so.

Weekend at Home

2008-02-05T17:19:00.000Z

Well I needn't have worried. The weekend was a great success. Mike and I both had a great time. My friends liked him, my family loved him and it was a chance for he and I to both just relax and chill out away from Hull. We walked for hours on Sunday, which was really nice. We walked the Doneraile, down to the cove, around the cliff towards the Guillamene and Newtown cove, up through Newtown forest, back by the Pitch and Putt and back in by the golf course. Mike debated going surfing but it was just a bit too stormy, so I took pictures instead!

Seeing the two boys when they were both in good form was brilliant. Since they were both sick over Christmas it wasn't the best time for them, neither of them were entirely themselves. But this weekend was a different matter. Conor was racing around the house on his big boys bike and Eoin was following as quickly as he could in his walker. They're gonna be trouble in a couple of years!

Song Lyrics

2008-01-29T11:13:00.000Z

I heard some lyrics this morning that are possibly the best I have heard in a long time. The song is by Joshua Radin, I'm unsure of the title though. He's describing his girlfriend as famous women. These are just some of the lines I like.

You're Sylvia Plath, as you drift from the bath
I hand you a robe and so it goes, the moment has passed

You're Simone de Beauvoir, as you get out the car
The way you read me, no one can see me, its who you are

You're Nina Simone, when you talk on the phone
You sing to me then I'm truly no longer along.

Poor Old Michael Finnegan....Begin Again

2008-01-29T10:51:00.000Z

I'm not sure where that came from ^^ but it seemed appropriate. Classes start back this week. About time too! I've been back about a month now, and yes I've gotta quite a lot done, but I'm getting bored now, I want something to do every day!

I booked flights on Sunday morning to come home on Friday evening. It's literally a flying visit, arriving Friday night and leaving Monday morning, but I do have classes to get back for. Bringing my friend Mike to visit. The big, loudmouth, Irish English mix. He's a fantastic guy and I just hope my friends see that when they meet him. He can be a bit....off-putting at first. Intimidating and in your face. He has promised he'll behave however. And I have seen him on good behaviour and I know he can do it, so it should all be good. Initially he was coming over because he wanted to surf. Now though it seems he'd rather just chill out for the weekend, sit in a pub, read, go walking, see the sights - his words, not mine. So I've promised walks on the beach and the cliffs. Might take him to the dolmen too. Could be cool. Looking forward to seeing the boys when they're not sick too. Hopefully they'll both be in much better form this time round.

Have some photos from recent nights out to add, but not gonna do it now, have to head to uni for my first class of the week - and it's a screening, so all I have to do is sit and watch documentaries about Australian Literature and Film! Fun fun fun!

Slán!

Lacking title topics

2008-01-19T20:55:00.000Z

I don't really have anything to talk about today.

My writer's block disappeared shortly after I stopped putting things off, funnily enough, and I am now officially finished the first semester of my final year at university. That's a lot scarier than it sounds, believe me. So I now have a week entirely to myself. Well, almost. As always I have plans and meetings and volunteering and this, that and the other. But wouldn't be a week for me without all the above.

This last week I've been very stressed, what with three essays due in three days in succession. They're all done. They may not be up to the best standard but they're done. And what with the registering for sabbatical elections coming up soon. I have until, early feb to officially decide. I think the final date for application submission is Feb 12th - though I'm not entirely positive. But it doesn't end there!! Once the application is in I have to go through election campaign stuff. Like going to hustings, answering questions thrown at me but students. Having my face and name plastered across the uni!! It's gonna be an interesting few weeks. And in the midst of it all I'm heading off to Paris for a weekend on the 21st. The ISA are organising it, and am going as a trip leader, so it'll be work of sorts, but only if I'm needed that way. I can't wait to go. I've not been in years, and just love the place.

Speaking of, had an interesting discussion with Nick the other night. He doesn't like Paris. Doesn't see the appeal or the charm and doesn't want to go. I'll admit I was in a state of something akin to shock for a while after he said this. I mean I can understand not wanting to go somewhere famous, but its PARIS!!! Or is it just me that thinks this city is a must on the list of things to do before you die?

Change

2008-01-13T11:25:00.001Z

I mentioned I liked change - thought it was about time I changed the look of the page. The dots thing was getting boring. I like this!!

Writer's Block

2008-01-13T00:13:00.000Z

I always seem to suffer from writer's block when I have an assignment due. Any other time I can write and write and write, and come up with some good ideas, but when I have something that needs to be written for a specific time I get stuck. I have a 4,500 word piece due on Wednesday and I currently have just shy of 2,000 words written for it. I cannot seem to expand. It has to be either a complete short story or a section of one. So I wrote a scene between two people to throw into the middle of a short story that I have in my head, but that scene doesn't go beyond the 2,000 mark. So now I need to expand upon that, or write another scene, or the opening of the story or something to make it hit the word count.

Of course the fact that I'm slowly but surely driving myself insane thinking about the future doesn't help my writer's block. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it right now, and focusing on the papers that are going to shape my future, but I can't help it. With every essay I hand in I think I'm a grade closer to graduating. I'm terrified. I have no idea what to do. I have plenty of options - I think.

1: Run for a sabbatical position and if I succeed in getting it, stay in Hull for an extra year and work at that job. Pro's and Con's are fairly obvious. I get to stay in Hull, I get a fantastic criteria to put on my cv for the future, and I get to do something I think I would enjoy. On the other hand, the job does seem really difficult and taxing, it's very low pay and it's a very busy position. I'd have to forego the majority of the social side of my life to do this job to the degree it deserves to be done.

2: Stay in Hull. I've spent a while tonight looking at jobs online in places I know of. Looked at Hull, home, Edinburgh, High Wycombe and a few others. Even went so far as to looking at jobs in Australia. I'd like to be able to stay in Hull once I graduate for another year, six months minimum. But I know from talking to friends who have graduated before me that there is a very small amount of jobs in this city, unless you like factory work or bakeries. And I've done both in my time, and don't feel the urge to repeat either just yet.

3: Move home. It's an option, but one I don't feel ready for. I've built a life here, my friends are here, and despite it's drawbacks and bad reputation I love this city. It's quirky, it's odd, but I love it. If I move home yes it's a cheaper option, yes it means I get to be with my family more - which I really really miss - and yes I know I could find a job easily. But the chances of me finding a job I would enjoy are slim. I know I'd end up working back somewhere like Euro 2. Had enough of that thank you! I didn't go do an English degree so I could go back to being a supervisor in a discount store.

Option 4: Move and start again. As I said, I was looking at jobs all over, and I know I could move and start again, if I found a dream job. But I don't know what my dream job is. I'd like to go into a job that at least has some connection to my degree, otherwise whats the point? But that's limiting. I'm going to send cv's to every newspaper in the country I think, and every publishing house and every magazine HQ - anyone, anywhere, that might employ me because I can write fast and spell properly and have an opinion on literature.

It doesn't help that I keep hearing friends discussing applying for jobs, how bad the job market is in Hull, filling in masters applications, talking about housing. If I want to stay in Hull I need to decide, I need to find somewhere to live.

Jobs and housing is just one thing freaking me out about the future. I'm dating a guy I like, a lot, and I've been with him longer than I thought I'd be. But - and I know there are people who will kill me for saying this - I doubt it'll go anywhere. I know, I know, I'm young, I should just enjoy it while it lasts and not think about the future etc., etc. But the thing is, that's what I do. I think about how things are going, and where they are going, and as much as I like him I can't see us being together outside of university. University is a funny thing, people are all the same. Older, younger. Local, foreign. Widely travelled, never left home. Doesn't matter. People are just people. But outside that little world, people are not just people. People become things, instead of humans. Those labels that you managed to shake off for the three or four years you studied come back to haunt you. Who you are. Where you're from. What colour skin you have.

I can see myself leaving uni and travelling. I can see myself in the future moving alot. It's in my blood. I like to change the scenery from time to time. He was born and bred near Hull, and I can see him staying in the area. There's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but it's not me. I've a gypsy, he's a home boy.

BUT, for now, all is still good. It's three months and I'm still happy. He makes me smile, he's good to me and I like being with him. So, I will do what I know I would be told to do, and enjoy it while it lasts, and just wait and see what happens.

Happy New Year!!!!

2008-01-11T00:37:00.000Z

I thought I'd best write a new year's message before it gets too late into the month and becomes a bit redundant! I've been back in Hull for two weeks now, and the work is going slow and....well, slow! But getting there. I cannot wait until these three essays have been handed in. I am going to relax and read gothic novels to my heart's content, followed by Wilde. I treated myself the other day to a copy of The Picture Of Dorian Gray. It's one I've never read and would love to. So why not she says.

I finished the book version of Stardust over the weekend, and it was really really enjoyable. Different to the film, but very well written and with the same storyline. Though Robert Di Niro's character is nowhere to be found in the book, which is a shame. I was waiting for him the entire time. Oh well.

I've spent the last two nights in the Van Steen residence in Hickleton, just outside Doncaster. It was Alex's 21st and to celebrate a few of his university friends went along for an amazing dinner. I don't think I have ever sat at a dinner table for four hours and been eating for most of the time. It was a mixture of Polish {in recognition of his roots - his grandfather is polish}, Chinese and Indian dishes, all cooked by his aunt and mother on the day.

All Things Christmassy

2007-12-30T19:06:00.000Z

Christmas has come and gone, and New Years looms around the corner, and I am already back in Hull. It was fun being back in the Bay for a bit, even if it was a short visit. Part of me wishes I had stayed longer, but another part of me is so glad to be back in Hull. It's getting really strange to be back under the watchful eye of the parentals. I think every time I visit it gets that little bit more odd. But it was fun. Christmas day was nice and relaxed. Breakfast at my sisters house, singing at mass as always, followed by a chilled out day, nice dinner and card games a-plenty.

Susan seemed to enjoy herself with my family. I was a little bit worried. Visiting someone elses home any other time of the year is a completely different thing, but to spend the Christmas Holidays with a family other than your own, from a completely different culture surely can't be the easiest thing to go through. But it all seemed fine, which is good. She saw quite a bit of the country too, which is a good thing. Took her to Cork for the day, and she went down for another day with a friend and saw Kinsale. Took her to Thurles and she met my grandmother and uncle. The best part of that was her reaction to my Uncle's accent. She could understand everything he said - a difficult thing even for me - but it was the thick Tipperary accent that gave her trouble.

I discovered this Christmas that no matter the time of year, my father still loves to play tour guide!! As with anyone who comes to visit, he took Susan to see the Hook. Which, aside from the bitter wind, was a really nice trip.

On a different sadder note, a young man washed up on the beach on Christmas morning. A guy who's family my family have known for years. He was 20 years old and it's believed he jumped from the cliff edge on the night of Christmas Eve. This is the third guy since April to try, and the second to succeed. What I can't help wondering is why? What is it that pushes them, that makes them feel they need to end their life? And why does it seem to all be the same age group? The three guys were all around the same age. What happens to men at the age of 20 that they think now is the time to end everything? My heart goes out to the families of these guys, they are the ones left behind and left wondering what happened. Wondering where they went wrong. Wondering if there was anything they could have done differently. Even the guy who jumped and lived to tell the tale, I can hardly imagine the thoughts going through his head this Christmas. I wonder has he since realised how selfish his actions were? It may sound cruel, but I do believe people who commit suicide to be selfish. They never seem to realise what they are leaving behind. Or who.

I've talked a friend through it once, tried to make him see that ending his life was not the way out, tried to show him that he had things to live for. I don't know if it was my words that stopped him or his own fear and thoughts, either way he's still here. Yes he doesn't have the easiest life, yes he has troubles and bad times and failed attempts at things, but he's still here to try and fail, to try and succeed. Unlike those two guys I mentioned. All they can do now is look down on those they left behind.

It's a shame that only after a person dies do they get told how much they are loved and wanted.

Bad travel history

2007-12-19T22:48:00.000Z

Tomorrow sees me making a fourteen hour journey to get home. If all goes to plan that is. In the past I've had countless unforseen encounters and events that prevent me from making it home at the desired time. Like fog cancelling or delaying flights, missing buses, missing trains, lost luggage. Although I think it only happens when I travel solo, so things should go fine tomorrow, since Susan is travelling with me. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Old-fashioned Sunday

2007-12-16T18:22:00.000Z

When I say old-fashioned I mean like a Sunday when I was in school. It's been such a quiet day, I don't know quite what to do with myself. I woke up late...which for me was eleven am. I couldn't seem to sleep any later. Since then I have done....nothing. I moved some things around my room, put some clothes away, sorted out my module folders, washed dishes from last night, rang home and talked for over an hour. Then I decided I needed popcorn, so walked along Springback and checked every possible shop - not a sign of salted popcorn. The English are weird, they like butter and sweet popcorn over salted. It's supposed to be savoury - keep it that way!!
Anyway, walked as far as St. Stephens - which is about 15-20 mins walk from my house - only to find that the Tesco's there had shut about two minutes before I got there, so I walked back, checked the only shop I hadn't looked in on the way and lo and behold - salted popcorn!!

Yes, that was the highlight of my day. Out in the dark and the cold to buy popcorn.

Last night we had a mini Christmas dinner at my house, but unfortunately it ended up being for a lot less people than planned. We {Vicky and I} had originally hoped to have 8 or 9 people for dinner, in total we ended up with 5. But better that than it being just she and I! It was nice, roast chicken, veg, potatoes and of course, dessert. But it did make me want my mom's cooking. Only four days and I get to sample that again. True I did use her recipes and techniques for the things we made, but its never the same.

Speaking of coming home, I've been debating starting to pack. It's days away, and I know if I do start packing now, that I'll end up re-doing it two or three times, but I'm at a loss for things to do, besides starting an essay, which I don't want to do. But I've been buying bits and pieces to bring home for christmas, and then I have some films and books I want to bring home too, I doubt there'll be much space in the bag for clothes or anything like that, but what harm. Don't need much. That's what sisters are for.

I've been on a country music kick again this week. It's happening more and more lately. But I've found a song that I think is brilliant, and quite true. It's by a guy called Trace Adkins and it's called Ladies Love Country Boys. It's just fab. Have been listening to Trace and a guy called Toby Keith a lot. If you've a spare ten minutes look them up on youtube. For Toby Keith I'd suggest I Love This Bar. Really good song.

Stuff

2007-12-07T22:38:00.000Z

Next week I will have been dating Nick for two months. Anyone that knows me well knows this is phenomenal. It's actually my longest relationship since I dated Greg back in....oh god, 2003? 2002? A long time ago anyway. And so far so good. I don't want to kill him {always a good sign} and he makes me laugh and smile {more good signs}. I'm not taking it too seriously, just gonna see what happens. Only time will tell I guess.

Last night was the Winter Ball. It was amazing! I'm so impressed with the committee. We ended up doing all the decorating minus the lighting ourselves. We had free sparkling wine on entry, a buffet, chocolate fountain, polaroid photos, and loads of decorations. Had a good turnout as well, about 200 people in total. Which is pretty good all considering.

TWO WEEKS!!!! I'll be home in two weeks!! With Susan in tow, she got the visa yesterday!!!

YAY!!

2007-12-04T18:43:00.000Z

Officially Christmas!!! I heard Wham!'s Last Christmas for the first time today! And Joey heard Driving Home For Christmas on Sunday! It's official!!!

Flying Home For Christmas

2007-12-01T22:07:00.000Z

It's officially December so it's finally okay to talk about these sorts of things. I've booked my flights!! Flying into Dublin on the 2oth of December, hopefully with Susan in tow. I know it's less than three weeks away but it can't get here fast enough. Little things lately have been pulling at the heart strings and I'm missing home alot. And it's effecting my everyday persona. I'm quiet and distracted and 'off' is the most common term. A few people have said it to me. And all it is is that I need to come home. It's Christmas, it does it to me every year. And because the promotions and displays and lights are all happening earlier and earlier every year, I get homesick that little bit earlier every year. But, on the plus side, Susan is very very excited about spending Christmas with my family. It will be totally different for her I'm sure. She's never had a stocking before, or really knew the reason for them. Tried to explain it today while we were walking around the Christmas markets in Manchester, but don't think I did a wonderful job of it.

Oh yeah, Went to Manchester today for an ISA trip, it was nice. Bit cold, but five different Christmas Markets around the city, so we just wandered around them for most of the day and ate a lot of European food - the European Market was my favourite, and the biggest. It even had a singing moose head. Yeah, odd I know.

Bonnie Scotland

2007-11-21T12:04:00.000Z

This weekend was long, tiring, rainy, windy but worth it all. Left Hull at about 7:30am on Friday, and got to Edinburgh two hours after our expected arrival time of 1pm. The drivers decided that taking a scenic route was the best course of action, so while it was a very pretty drive - lots of lakes and hills and sheep and grassland - it was long. Everyone was tired and hyper, not a good combination. But we got to Edinburgh about 2:30, 2:45 ish, only to spend 20 minutes circling the city centre trying to find the hostel. For those of you who have been there, you'll know about the different levels of the city, and the difficulty in getting from one level to the one below it, especially in a large coach. But we got there, we settled and we left to ramble. I spent most of the weekend with Vicky, Karolina and Jan. Which was entertaining, since Jan met up with a childhood friend and those three spent the weekend conversing in Chezk {I've no idea how its spelt. Corrections?}. It wasn't too bad though, as Jan's friend Peter got a little bit more alcohol in him he began to speak more English. I really need to learn another foreign language. Properly!

The Saturday morning we spent wandering around the castle, and almost being blown off the cliff. The wind was so strong that certain parts of the castle grounds were closed off, because they became a very strong wind tunnel. We saw a large wooden bench be tossed across the courtyard, at which point the guy on duty decided we should leave. We thought it was a good idea too!

The rest of the afternoon was spent just wandering around the city. The Writer's Museum - which I was just dying to go see - was closed, due to an electrical fault. But its ok, just gives me an excuse to go back again. Although I think I went back too soon. It's only been a year since I was last there, and though it's a beautiful city, and one of the few I could see myself living in, I think it was too soon to do a touristy visit again. But on the plus side, I knew my way around. Was pure delighted with that. I knew where I was going! Makes a change! I even found the same coffee shop that I loved last year. It's called The Elephant House, and for all Harry Potter fans, it's the place that J.K Rowling wrote the first book. And sitting in there you can see why. It's a beautiful big room at the back, with a fabulous view of Edinburgh castle, which from that angle looks remarkably like Hogwarts. They do a fabulous array of food and teas and coffees. I could spend hours upon hours in there reading or writing or just people watching. We went back on Sunday morning to kill an hour, and it was jammed. The queue was from the counter to the door (about 15 people in lenght) and a few people outside it too. And the range of people in there was very wide. There was the group of girls, late teens early twenties, recounting the night before. There was the couples having their sunday breakfast with the newspaper. There was the writer. And there was everyone in between. Including the tourist's coming to see the birthplace of Harry Potter.

On Sunday we took the quick route home and got back to hull shortly before six. And I went to see Stardust - again!! Its brilliant!! I love Robert Di Niro. No one else could have done that role as well as he. It's a fantastic film, possibly the next The Princess Bride. Well worth seeing, and definately needs to be seen on the big screen to be fully appreciated.

Monday night I had to attend Union Council as the girl on the ISA committee that normally goes couldn't make it, so I went in her place. It was not nearly as exciting as I expected, and that's saying something. But it was an interesting evening none the less.

And yesterday I was taken to dinner again. I'm liking this. Twice in a month, I'm impressed. Might keep this one for a while!
Went to a restaurant and wine bar called Sleepers, quite near to where I live. Never been before, it was really nice. Food was good, which is always a good sign. Had a really nice night.

Edinburgh photos to follow soon. Haven't uploaded them yet!

Edinburgh

2007-11-15T10:26:00.000Z

I'm heading up to Edinburgh for the weekend tomorrow. Very early start though, well compared to what I'm used to. The bus is leaving from Uni at 7am. So that means at least rising at 6am. *shudder* I'm debating this morning why I'm going though. I went last year and did almost all of the touristy things, and yeah I can do them again but surely the castle hasn't changed much in the last twelve months?? But it IS a beautiful city, and if nothing else I get to sample the shops and the clubs! Promise to have photos next week.

Rants

2007-11-14T22:05:00.000Z

It's a bit peculiar, I have been really really busy for the past two weeks, and yet I have nothing to write about. I've been reading, trying to keep up with everything that needs to be read for class. I've been doing stuff with the ISA, trying to organise a festival, a winter ball and trips. I've been trying to still be sociable, my nights out though have dropped back to one {occasionally two} a week, and it's generally still karaoke. An ISA party if there is one. Have not been to Asylum since Halloween, and even then I left early as was just too tired to enjoy it. Invited there tonight but just could not pluck up the energy to go, even though it's Hillbilly night. Which could be really funny.

FINALLY saw Stardust!! It's a fabulous film! Well worth going to see! Two or three times! Possibly one of the best fantasy films that's come out in the twenty years since The Princess Bride was released. Yes, it is twenty years this year since The Princess Bride was released into theatres. How scary is that?? But yeah, anyway, back to Stardust. Robert Di Niro is amazing. I knew this before this film but it just adds to his awesomeness!!

It was a month with Nick the other day. Seems a little strange to me. I generally get to a couple of weeks with guys and want rid of them, but it hasn't happened. Even a friend of mine commented, saying "Isn't a week about normal for you?" and he's right.

Anyway, if I don't stop now I'll end up rambling about absolute nonsense. Such as the fact that Westlife have been allowed - yet again - to disfigure and demolish an amazing song. They have gotten their grubby mitts on Michael Bublé's 'Home' and destroyed it. And yet the general public seem to love it. Why are people so stupid? Why do they follow the crowd, liking what they are told to like? They should think for themselves and realise that Westlife only do covers, and all of the songs they have ruined were in fact once amazing.

News 'n' Stuff

2007-11-05T21:19:00.000Z

Haven't written in a while, but that's mostly because I've been very busy with different things. Firstly, on Thursday, a really good friend of mine came back to Hull for the night, and it was so good to see him. He's based in London this year because of his course {Politics} and doesn't get to come to Hull often, so it was a special night. Even if he did take my new boyfriend aside and give him the 'hurt her and I'll hunt you down' talk.

Then Friday saw the November ISA party. It was a ball. We had it in Asylum for probably the first time ever, and it worked! We had a theme too, a 60's, 70's and 80's night, which was a lot of fun. I went for the preppy 60's look. Supposedly I looked like I just stepped out of Hairspray. I wouldn't know, haven't seen the show or the film. But it was a really good night. A lot of fun.

Sunday {Yesterday} we went to the fireworks display in Hull City Centre for Guy Fawkes day. They held them a day early for convenience and it was a lot of fun. Today however, the actually Guy Fawkes day, has kinda got me scared. I guess I'm used to fireworks being illegal, aside from actual fireworks display companies and pyrotechnic companies and the like, so I'm not used to seeing them often. So walking home and having fireworks flaring on all sides of me freaks me out a bit. I think its also the thought of the potential dangers. I like that they're illegal at home. makes me feel safer or something. Had a few offers to go with people and celebrate Guy Fawkes Day by them setting off fireworks in their gardens or whatever, I declined on all counts. I just can't stand there and watch my friends light potentially fatal devices. They are explosives after all.

Not a lot else is going on. Kinda homesick at the moment if truth be told. It's finally hit me that this is my final year and it's scaring me. I handed in my first piece of coursework this morning and it was right then that I realised this is it. This is year three! The past two years and this one will mean nothing if I don't do well in June. I also worked out that between the four papers I have due in December and January I have an approximate 18,000 words to write. Woopee!! Anyone want to write them for me?
I also think the homesickness is coming from the fireworks. When I'm scared or nervous I want to be at home. And I was very nervous walking home this evening. I walk those streets every day practically, during day and night, on my own and with others, and I rarely feel scared or nervous, but with all the explosions I did tonight.

Hallowe'en Is Here

2007-10-30T19:58:00.000Z

It's that time of year again - the Holiday that gets passed over more and more as the years go by. It's Hallowe'en! One thing I love about Hull is that even though the Christmas stuff is in the shops, the window displays are all still Hallowe'en based - It's great. In recent years I've noticed shops skimming over Hallowe'en in favour of getting the Christmas stock out sooner, but it can't be Christmas until we've celebrated Hallowe'en - don't they see that?

Anywho, my hallowe'en celebrations are many this year. On Saturday just gone I went to Spiders with Nick and some friends of his. They all dressed up, and put a lot of effort into the costumes, as did quite a few people at the club. I felt a little out of place in my pirate costume but it went down a treat anyway! Tonight {Tuesday} a few people are coming over to watch horror movies. Yeah I know, not really my thing but I figured I could put aside my distaste for them for one night. And tomorrow night I'm attending the Monster Mash Bash at Asylum with a few others, should be entertaining. The people I'm going with {Namely Tom and Roland} seem to have their hearts set on dressing up so I guess I will be too. Should be fun though! Promise pictures will follow soon. I have a couple from Saturday and intend to take plenty tomorrow....especially in the getting ready process since we have a devil and the hulk getting ready! Could be funny!