One Month

Today is the one month anniversary of my leaving home. And it's really starting to kick in. The homesickness I mean.

I guess I had high hopes, and thought I'd be in employment of some kind by the start of February. So far I have had one - unsuccessful - interview, and thats been it. Not a hint of a word from anywhere else. Oh well. Don't have the magic powers to sort it all out unfortunately.

What bothers me is this: I graduated two and a half years ago, and since then everyone has said to me that it will happen. "Something will come up for you." I'm kind of done with being patient and trying to find work and nothing happening. I can be a very patient person, but two years of waiting for something thats right for me to appear is about a year too long.

Fingers crossed for the next leg of the journey. Hopefully there won't be too many hurdles in this one.

Boys are stupid - Throw rocks at them.

Boys are messy. And smelly. And loud. And inconsiderate. And I am aware I sound about 12 years old right about now, but it is kind of how I feel. I am in a house with four boys. Its tough. I am more comfortable here than I was ten days ago; but I'm still feeling the urge to jump ship. If only slightly.

With Batman working all day Monday to Friday, it leaves a lot of time to fill. And though I am filling it in an attempt to find a job, there is only so much time I can research non existant jobs. The average daily job posting per jobsite is about 15. Take into account being under- and being over-qualified for about 90% of them and we can work out that I'm applying for about 2 jobs a day. Which is good, especially the way things are, but its also not very positive.

I am doing my best to stay focused and keep searching; keep applying. Even when I know the chances of my getting an interview are slim I will still apply. Which I think is the main aim. Surely someone out there is going to like what they see on my application.

I'm Here!!

I've been in the Uk for less than a week. I already kind of want to abandon my plan. Because I'm still scared. I thought being here with Batman would make me feel less scared, but it doesn't. It helped for a day or two and then wore off.

I've had a few days of not having to do anything, besides a little tidying up. So I've been thinking. And we all know thats a bad idea. But I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like the person I've become. The girl I was 3 years ago would hate me right now. And I'm not sure how to change that. I don't want to go backwards, thats for sure, but I'm not sure yet how to go forwards and still get back to liking myself.

I do promise updates though. Because it seems that I will have some time on my hands in the upcoming weeks, I will try to write more often. I say that alot though. But we'll see how it goes.

Christmas Is Coming

I love Christmas. I really do. I love the lights; I love the crisp weather; I love writing cards and wrapping presents; I love baking seasonal food. This year though I'm feeling a bit anxious. I have made a decision. I have booked a one way flight to the Uk, leaving here before New Years, to try and start afresh.

And I am scared s***less. I don't know how its gonna turn out. I might be lucky and land a job. Or I might be like the hundreds of other graduates who are stuck sitting on their behinds wasting days because there are no jobs to be had. But there's no way of finding out if I can get a job in England while I'm sitting around in Ireland. But I am scared about having nothing to do. I do not suffer boredom well. I eat and become lathargic. Which then leads to not job hunting properly, if at all.

There's a double reason for my going though. Batman and I have been dating across an overly small ocean for two and a half years, so I figure its about time we tried to date while in the same city. But I am more nervous about that than anything else. I am nervous that it will turn sour; that we will come to realise we only worked because we were apart most of the time.

I guess only time will tell.

Stuck in a rut

This seems to be turning into a place for me to whinge, which is not what I had intended for it at all. But sometimes its what you need. So if you do read, forgive me.

Recently I've started to assess things in my life. I don't know what I want anymore. From anything.

As a child, I had plenty of dreams. I was going to own a mobile steakhouse, own a bookshop, and be a writer. All at the same time. Lately I can't string two sentences together let alone whole passages. And as for the steakhouse - I'm no closer now than I was when I was seven. Only now, I can actually cook a steak. And there may be enough books in the house to make it resemble a bookstore, but unfortunately I haven't managed that one yet either.

As I got older, dreams changed. As is normal for most people. Only a select few know what they want to do from childhood and follow it through. Of those select I am highly envious. I would love to have known at a young age exactly what I wanted to be. I would love to have had the initiative and forward planning as a teenager to take subjects that would be useful in my future. Instead I took subjects I enjoyed. Imagine! So now I have a degree in a subject that is about as useful to me as juggling shards of glass would be to a carpenter. (Awful analogy I am aware.)

I am stuck in such a rut that I can't seem to get out of. I work, I sleep, I work, I sleep. I bake when I'm stressed, I eat what I bake. Eating baked goods doesn't help with the feeling bad about the weight issue, so I then eat more. Its a horrible horrible cycle. And I'm stuck.

Offers or suggestions welcome.

Pet Hates: Part Deux

So, I actually have a lot to talk about aside from bad spelling, but first things first.

Today, two young boys from the local secondary school came into the shop. They looked to be about 12 or 13. They asked could they put up a poster. No problem. So a short while later, I took a look at said poster. They were advertising a dog-sitting service. From memory, it went something like this: (mis-spellings intended)

"Are you gooing on holaday?

Dog owerner avalilable to look after your dog."

I say 'from memory' because all I can remember are the awful spellings. I think the local schools should hang their heads in shame if that is the powerful level of spelling they are producing.

Pet hates

Little things bother me. And I think talking things through helps with stress and tension. So, I am going to use this post to complain. So I ask your forgiveness for my indulgence.

Being called 'The Lady' at work. Having customers use me as the bad guy in their family scenario. When a parent tells their young child that they have to put something back because 'The lady will get angry' it makes me feel like the parent doesn't have the courage to stand up to their own child. If they use something like 'it belongs to the lady' or 'it can't be sold to kids under 10' I don't mind so much. Its claiming that I will become angry with them if they don't put it back that bothers me. They are using me as the disciplinarian, when that is supposed to be their job. I know I am not a parent, but I feel parents want to be friends with their children, and not a parent to them. I understand wanting to be their friends, but their first role is that of parent.

Seeing obvious spelling mistakes. There is a pharmacy on the main street, and I pass it at least twice a day to and from work. A year or so ago, they redid the shop front, new paint, new signage, it looked wonderful. Aside from one teeny tiny thing. The word 'precriptions' on one of the shop windows. It made me laugh. The first time anyway. I even considered going in and telling them. My guess was the signwriter was to blame. However seeing it frequently it bothered me. Summer came, and they placed beautiful window boxes on the windowsills, hiding the offending signage. A few months later, when the window boxes were removed, they had replaced the 'precriptions' with 'prescriptions'. Only took six months.

There are more, but I'll get to them another time.