Weightloss Week Two

I’m almost done with my second week with the weight loss group. I went along last Thursday and got weighed in and, much to my delight, I had lost 4&1/2 lbs. It was actually easier than I expected, although the first week was fairly full of salad. Its taken a bit of time to get accustomed to and I have found it more difficult to stick to the plan on week two than I did with week one, but I can tell you exactly why. Visitors. 

B’s parents came to visit for the weekend, and as always it was lovely to see them and spend time with them, but I found having people around called for entertaining which called for foods that are not exactly good for me. We watched the Eurovision, a tradition for me, and I had arranged to have healthy snacks, fruit and veg, things I love snacking on anyway. However take-away was suggested, and I considered saying no just for myself but I knew once the food came I’d want some and would end up pilfering from other people’s orders. Which was followed by a box of chocolates, among other things. The weekend was a downward slope, but I hoped starting back to the work week on Monday would help steer me in the right direction. It didn’t. Now I haven’t been terrible or eaten the weight I lost in Drifter’s but I haven’t been as good as I was on week one. 

I get weighed in tomorrow after work and I am just hoping to not have gained weight. Even if I just stay the same I’ll be more than happy. Promise to report back soon.

Late Night

It is currently 1:20 am - well, technically it is 2:20 am as the clocks are springing forward tonight. But I don't feel much like springing. Or celebrating. Or doing anything that might indicate that I feel alright or happy.

It has been a roller coaster of a month, and it ain't over yet. At the beginning I was in a relationship that was healthy, happy and had a bright future. Now? Now I am in limbo with a man who couldn't make a decision if his life depended on it.

It's been a four year roller coaster ride. But the kind of ride that even at the scariest moment, when you're screaming so hard your lungs hurt, you still know deep down that you're safe. But maybe it's been too safe.

I feel like I have run myself ragged trying to make him love me. He is the quiet silent type, and I am not. I like to talk. I like to listen. I like to know what the people closest to me are thinking; what they're worried about; what they want from life; what they dream about. So I caused problems in our four years by asking too many questions. But he caused problems by not answering them. Or not talking at all.

Relationships are tricky. Granted I'm still relatively young at 27, but I have had my fair share of strange, complicated relationships. And because of that now I know what I want. So is it wrong of me to be forward about what I want and what I think I deserve? I don't think I should have to fight so hard to be loved. All I ask for is conversation, honesty and a bit of romance from time to time. And to be first choice.

I believe that if you've found someone you want to grow old with, you should make sure that they know every day that no one else compares. I have made sure, every day, that he knows how important and special he is to me. All I ask is the same in return. I'm starting to think I may have been wasting my breath.

Up in the Air!

No, not the Clooney movie, but my life.

The last month has been tumultuous to say the least. Batman visited for the Tall Ships weekend here in Waterford, which was a great weekend. Then he went home. And thats when it started. The distance has proven too much for the caped crusader and he/we decided it was time to call it quits. Unwillingly it happened. Then less than 5 days later I received word about an interview. In Hull. Ironic. So, I went to the interview, got the job, and am moving to Hull in less than a week.

Three years with him, trying to find work to be in the same place as him. We break up and the universe gets a sense of humour. But, beggars can't be choosers, and as there are no jobs on this side of the water I accepted and am now leaving Tramore. Again. How many times is this?

So, my future is all a bit of a jumble. I have a good job, but no guy to come home to at the end of the day. I have great friends who let me stay on their couch, but no place of my own. I have a fantastic family that are loving and supportive and encouraging....and I am choosing to leave them behind. I think that is going to be the hardest part.

But new beginnings and all that jazz. New job will lead to new friends. Living on the couch will push me to find somewhere to live. And Batman and I are going to go back to the beginning and date for a while, see how things lie.

All in all, I have no idea whats going to happen, but I'm excited to find out.

Christmas Is Coming

I love Christmas. I really do. I love the lights; I love the crisp weather; I love writing cards and wrapping presents; I love baking seasonal food. This year though I'm feeling a bit anxious. I have made a decision. I have booked a one way flight to the Uk, leaving here before New Years, to try and start afresh.

And I am scared s***less. I don't know how its gonna turn out. I might be lucky and land a job. Or I might be like the hundreds of other graduates who are stuck sitting on their behinds wasting days because there are no jobs to be had. But there's no way of finding out if I can get a job in England while I'm sitting around in Ireland. But I am scared about having nothing to do. I do not suffer boredom well. I eat and become lathargic. Which then leads to not job hunting properly, if at all.

There's a double reason for my going though. Batman and I have been dating across an overly small ocean for two and a half years, so I figure its about time we tried to date while in the same city. But I am more nervous about that than anything else. I am nervous that it will turn sour; that we will come to realise we only worked because we were apart most of the time.

I guess only time will tell.

Long awaited return

Or is it?

Been a while since I've visited here. I've actually been kinda busy, for a change. Works been keeping me mental, as one of the girls got a grown up job and left, leaving me by myself to do all the monkey work, and they didn't get around to replacing her until a few weeks ago. Then with the other women I work with taking holidays I was covering other shifts left right and center. Not complaining, I need the money, but man I was tired. So Batman and I planned a few weeks together. He came to visit the homestead for the first time, and then I went back to the Uk with him for two weeks. It was so nice to be away from everything for a while. And nice to be together to celebrate our 1 year. Imagine! I got to a year in a relationship - with the same guy the whole time! I'm more surprised that he still wants to be here than anything else. I figured he'd have run a mile by now, but apparently not.

I did start freaking out a bit though. Its been a year for feck sake. I don't do this. And admittedly now I'm worried more about whats ahead than I was before. I have no plans. I thought I had, but nothing has worked so far. The teaching thing fell through, seems no one wanted me. And this current job is fine, but man its driving me crazy. I've been back from the Uk for two days and have avoided contacting them. I figure they'll ring me when they need me to come in. They know I'm back. I know I need to go, I need the money {sensing a pattern?} but I just don't want to do it anymore. I am sick of the small minded gossipy nature of the shop, and the internal politics and bitching. I am actually reconsidering an idea I had when I was 18, to become a mechanic. I hate working with women, so an almost all male environment would be ideal. I can actually deal with the sexist stuff easier than the gossipy crap.

Enough venting, and onto my favourite topic. Books!!

I went to see the movie of Neil Gaiman's Coraline recently, and it was good but, it's got to be said, the book is better. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, and as a kids movie its pretty creepy and very detailed and the art is beautiful, but I enjoyed the book that bit more.

I've moved onto a new author this month. Melissa Marr. As Batman and I were going through Dublin airport, we stopped in a bookshop, as is the norm for us. And a book called Wicked Lovely caught his attention. The tag on the cover said "So compelling it will give Twilight a run for its money." Now I haven't read the Twilight series {yet} but if this book could claim that on the cover, I figured it was worth the €8.99. And man was it. I loved it. Could hardly bare to put it down some nights. Its the story of a girl called Aisling who can see faeries, as could her mother and grandmother, and how one faery in particular seems to have taken a liking to her. Drama unfolds! Its aimed at teenage girls, like the Twilight series, but I gotta admit, I loved it so much I went and purchased part 2 and 3 a mere week and a half after picking up the first one. I started the third one this afternoon! They are a little addictive. But better addicted to books than, well, an awful lot else.

I think I may have a slight obsessive nature. Just an ickle one.

Home again, home again...

...jiggidy jig.

I went to Hull almost three weeks ago for a weekend. I got home yesterday. When it got to the day before I was supposed to come home, I couldn't bear to leave. I know, silly right? But I feel so much better being there. Its not that I'm unhappy at home, I'm just that bit happier in England. I have people to see and places I can go when I'm sick of being stuck in the house. I have people I trust and can talk to. And being able to see Batman whenever I want helps things too.

So I postponed my flights for two weeks. No one on this side of the water seemed happy about it; everyone on the English side was delighted. I even had Jason offer to 'steal' my bag with passport and flights in it, and then ring my mom saying he'd found the phone etc in the bag he stole, so I wouldn't be coming home. However I figured that just telling her myself would be a better option. She was delighted for me at first, but when I rang again the following weekend, she didn't sound so positive. And my boss was so unimpressed that I figured I wouldn't have a job when I got back. But I was in work at 9:30 this morning, so guess she didn't care as much as I thought.

The worst bit though is not knowing when I get to go back again. I had an amazing time being there, seeing people and going out and socialising. I kinda forgot how much fun it could be. I also kinda felt like I was finally back in the loop. Being away means that I only hear snippets of whats going on with my friends, and being there for almost three weeks meant I finally felt back in place and aware again. And I have no idea when I'll be back in England. End of May maybe? I honestly don't know, and that upsets me.

Anyway....to market, to market.

A Wreck

I'm not sure what to blame for the high emotions of the past two weeks. It could possible be that I'm over worked and not sleeping enough. It could be women stuff. It could be that I left Hull after Valentines weekend wishing I wasn't leaving; I sat in the departure lounge trying to work out if it made sense to walk back out of the airport, without getting on the plane. It could be that I'm due back in Hull in a matter of days and I don't feel like I'm wanted. I know that I am, but knowing something and feeling something are different at times. Batman's been really busy and quiet lately, add the distance to the mix and my crazy mindset and it doesn't make things easy. Why he still puts up with me I'll never understand. I must drive him up the wall sometimes, yet he still wants me there.

Anyway...enough of that. I finally sent off my application for the teaching course. I'm scared to do it, but it's sent. Not an hour ago, but it is sent. Now all I can do is wait.

I've been up the walls the last two weeks, picking little fights with people, crying at the drop of a hat and over the stupidest things, I'm tense and angry, and I don't know why. And I also think I'm sick, I'm either freezing cold or boiling. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I want to up and leave but I can't go anywhere, I have no money. I want to be in England, but I can't afford to stay for long because there are no jobs and I have no money.

Man my complaints are repetitive aren't they!?

To Teach, or not To Teach

I'm scared. Again. I've sent off my PGCE application form for my referee to fill in his section, and once thats done, I'm done. I will send it in and be officially applying for another course at university. And I don't even know if its what I want to do. It's another option, and one that will open more doors for me. Which is great, really great. But do I want to be a teacher? Do I want to go into work every day and deal with hormonal teenagers, angry at the world for cutting them a raw deal and try and let them see through literature that they are not the first kids to feel that way; that they are not the first generation to suffer and to feel ostracised. But then no teenager wants to hear that do they? They want to feel like the only ones who've been done wrong by.

Anyway, enough of that. I've booked flights to go to Hull for a weekend, the end of the elections weekend. March 5th to 9th. Batman is running in the elections and I want to be there for him. I'd rather be there for the whole thing, the lead up, the campaigning, the whole shebang, but as it stands I can't afford to be. So I'm gonna be a good girlfriend and be there for the last day of the elections, so I'm there for the results.

If I'm dating Batman, does that make me batgirl? Or someone else?

Christmas is Upon Us!

It is officially Christmas time! 24 days and counting!! I heard three Christmas songs on the radio today, so its almost here. Although when I hear Wham!'s Last Christmas then it is officially the festive season and I can start getting excited. I think everyone has their own Christmas song, one that makes them excited about the season, and use it to judge the start of the excitement and when they hear it on the radio its the starting line. Playing it yourself just doesn't count. Last Christmas is mine. I remember listening to it at Christmas as a small kid, and I have always loved Wham! so it makes sense.

Aside from Christmas jingles, life is going along at a fairly regular pace at the moment. I went to Dublin last Tuesday to have a bit of a day out and do some Christmas shopping. All I ended up buying was things for myself. But I enjoyed it, and isn't that what counts? I've never been so organised for Christmas so early. I'm probably jinxing myself now, but I am. I have my secret santa gift, and I know what I'm getting the kids, I just have to go buy it. And as for Batman and The Viking I have their gifts in my head. It's just a case of getting a couple of bits and pieces together and they're done.

I've booked flights to go over to Hull for New Years. I want to spend it with my boys, rather than sitting in at home watching movies by myself. Because if I stay here I know that's probably whats in store for me. So I'll be in Hull from the 29th until January 10th. Almost two weeks!! But it's to go job hunting as well as celebrating the new year. Oh the joys!

SURPRISE!!!

I've just returned from a weekend in Hull. Yeah I know I didn't mention specifics of it before I left but I had my reasons. Namely I wanted to surprise one of my friends and I have a feeling he occasionally dips in and out of this, and knowing my luck and his timing he would have read it before I went over.

I had a fantastic time. I can't really say much else without being repetitive, but I think I shall. I saw Batman for four days. Which I really really needed. It's kinda crazy how short a month is in comparison to the grand scale, but how long it can be when its what's standing between you and seeing someone who makes your whole world brighter. I spent my days seeing people and having food and coffee with friends I've missed more than I thought I could. I spent my nights with Batman and the other regular crew, drinking, watching movies, chilling out. And spent a lot of time just doing nothing in particular. But that's the way I like it.

I had some duties to attend to this weekend however. I had to meet the new girlfriend of not one but TWO of my close friends. And I'll be honest, one of them I was not looking forward to meeting, and I really didn't want to like. But I do. She's a nice girl, and she's good for him. Not entirely sure he's ready for her and what dating her means, but I like him. And the other one was quiet but seems nice. And he's happy, again thats all that matters.
My other duties were of the meet the parents variety. I was kind of nervous before hand, but once they arrived I realised I was being silly. Parents generally love me. We went for lunch, and I slowly gathered how this family works. Dad is relaxed and chilled and Mom is the stern captain of the ship. Or so it seems. Batman really looks like his Dad, and from the short time I spent with them, I think personality wise they're very similar too. I could be wrong. Supposedly they think I'm nice. Good start I hope.

Right, I'm damn cold and it's late. Sleep is a must. Photos of the weekend will follow soon.

Dreams

I've been having some strange dreams lately, and some nights of interrupted sleep. Falling asleep is difficult. I'm not used to being in this bed, this place, without knowing I'm going back. And it's strange, I've gone from a double to a single, but yet the single feels empty. I've gotten too used to having someone's arms around me when I fall asleep that its made falling asleep without him kinda difficult. I thought I was getting there too, but last night proved I'm not. It took me the best part of an hour and a half to fall asleep, and then I woke about three times throughout the night. Inbetween times having some peculiar dreams. The most peculiar, and the one that has stuck in my mind more vividly than any of the others, is one where I was getting married. I know its because I was talking to someone about weddings and venues and all that goes with it last night, but still. It was so vivid. I could even see the face of my groom, which was a little weird. I was stood behind his chair, hand on his shoulder, singing a song for him. Which was possibly Mary Wells 'My Guy' but I'm not entirely sure. It was all a bit odd. Stranger still was that the guy who's arms I miss, and the groom in my dream - not the same guy. If the guy with the arms is Batman, the guy in the chair was the Riddler. Actually, I like those names, I might stick to those. They suit the men they are attributed to.