No, not the Clooney movie, but my life.
The last month has been tumultuous to say the least. Batman visited for the Tall Ships weekend here in Waterford, which was a great weekend. Then he went home. And thats when it started. The distance has proven too much for the caped crusader and he/we decided it was time to call it quits. Unwillingly it happened. Then less than 5 days later I received word about an interview. In Hull. Ironic. So, I went to the interview, got the job, and am moving to Hull in less than a week.
Three years with him, trying to find work to be in the same place as him. We break up and the universe gets a sense of humour. But, beggars can't be choosers, and as there are no jobs on this side of the water I accepted and am now leaving Tramore. Again. How many times is this?
So, my future is all a bit of a jumble. I have a good job, but no guy to come home to at the end of the day. I have great friends who let me stay on their couch, but no place of my own. I have a fantastic family that are loving and supportive and encouraging....and I am choosing to leave them behind. I think that is going to be the hardest part.
But new beginnings and all that jazz. New job will lead to new friends. Living on the couch will push me to find somewhere to live. And Batman and I are going to go back to the beginning and date for a while, see how things lie.
All in all, I have no idea whats going to happen, but I'm excited to find out.
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Thursday, 24 July 2008
The land of Leprechauns
Well my trip to Hull has been and gone. Graduation was fun, if a little bizarre. I still don't feel any different, I just now have a piece of paper telling me I've got a degree. It's all a bit weird really.
The visit was fun. I got to see people again, and say goodbye again. That bit hurt. More than I expected. I even cried some, a rarity for me. Well no, I'll correct that. It's a rarity that people witness me crying, and three people saw this outburst. It was my final night in Hull and I was saying goodbye to two of my closest friends. One of whom I'm sure I'll see again, but the other - he makes promises but he's hard to keep track of even when we're in the same city, so I'm just hoping that it won't be any harder now we're in different countries.
Back home again now, and it's nice but I'm not liking the unpacking part. Especially since I have no idea what to do next. I have a chance to move back to the UK, but it'd be temporary and in a new place with strangers. Not terribly keen to do that. It has a plus side though, by being in the UK I can go visit people in Hull more regularly. It'd be jumping on a train instead of a flight...but we'll see what happens.
The visit was fun. I got to see people again, and say goodbye again. That bit hurt. More than I expected. I even cried some, a rarity for me. Well no, I'll correct that. It's a rarity that people witness me crying, and three people saw this outburst. It was my final night in Hull and I was saying goodbye to two of my closest friends. One of whom I'm sure I'll see again, but the other - he makes promises but he's hard to keep track of even when we're in the same city, so I'm just hoping that it won't be any harder now we're in different countries.
Back home again now, and it's nice but I'm not liking the unpacking part. Especially since I have no idea what to do next. I have a chance to move back to the UK, but it'd be temporary and in a new place with strangers. Not terribly keen to do that. It has a plus side though, by being in the UK I can go visit people in Hull more regularly. It'd be jumping on a train instead of a flight...but we'll see what happens.
Saturday, 14 June 2008
Number 80
It's been a while since I've written anything Huh? Truth is, I have nothing to write about. Well, I'm sure if I racked my brains I could find stuff to talk about, but is it worth writing? I'm having quite a disheartening time at the moment. Nothing seems to be working the way I want it to. I know it's partly my fault for not having more of a "go-get-'em" attitude, but I just feel like I won't be wanted by any employer. My degree is gonna be a 2.1 - I'm praying! It should be, but those last essays weren't my best work, I know it. And aside from that and the time with the ISA what have I got going for me?
People keep asking "So, what now?" And I feel like I'm 18 again, waiting for the LC results and telling people I'm not going to uni, that I don't want to. The looks I'm getting now from my peers are similar to the looks I got back then from my elders. The look of shock at the fact I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself or my life is similar to the look I'm getting now at the fact I have no real solid plans. I have a few vague ideas, but they are all dependant on other vague ideas being successful or falling through. People ask where I'm going to be and my answer is along the lines of "Somewhere in the south of Ireland or north of England." Because to be honest, that's about all I know right now. I had an interview for a job in a small village outside Manchester but was unsuccessful. That was the only positive line I had and it got cut. I have an offer to housesit in Northampton for a few months from August onwards, but do I want to move that far away? If I stay in England I'd kinda like to be near Hull. A lot of friends are sticking around here and it'd be nice to be able to visit easily. And I'm sure Northampton would be nice and I'd meet people and all that, but this is my home now.
Speaking of leaving Hull, I am getting so upset this week. I said goodbye to one of my best friends on Tuesday, and it's the last time I'll see him for God knows how long. I may see him in July when I come back for graduation, but then he may not be around as he's not graduating himself. If I come back next year for visits he'll be top of my list of people to see, but thats only an "if" I come back. I don't see why I wouldn't, but it doesn't stop it playing on my mind. Had we not said goodbye in the middle of the street I'm sure I would have cried. And I know I'm gonna cry either Wednesday or Thursday when I have to say goodbye to the guy I've been spending all my time with since exams ended. He and I have spent a ton of time together over the year and have gotten really close. He knows way too much about me. Since we both finished essays we've hung out almost every day, doing something - generally watching movies or just talking til God knows what time in the morning. Saying goodbye to him is going to be weird. Not seeing him on an almost daily basis is going to throw me.
Packing is proving to be difficult. I keep promising myself I'm going to sort my room, decide whats for charity, whats for friends and whats for home. So far I've gone through about a third of my clothes, some of my books and thats it. The books proved problematic, I don't want to get rid of barely any of them, but I am trying. Doesn't help that I keep finding more I want. I've bought about six books since I finished my degree. Not too bad, but thats about how many I bought for pleasure in the three years I was at uni. I've read four, am on number five. My favourite was one called Fup {the authors name escapes me right now} about a grandfather, his grandson and the duck they find and raise as a pet. It's just plain silly, can be read in about an hour. But thoroughly enjoyable.
Packing - thats what I was talking about, not books. Packing! The clothes and shoes are proving difficult too. I was in agony thinking about having to sort through my shoes. I have two pairs of boots I know I should throw out, but can't help thinking that the cobbler in Waterford might be able to fix them for me. Cause I don't want to throw them. I like them too much! But then there's shoes I've never worn, or only worn two or three times, and know I should throw, but there's the "What if?" potential to each shoe that makes me rethink it.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I should stop and go read. Or sort. Or pack. Or something.
Also, post 80! Who'd have thought.
People keep asking "So, what now?" And I feel like I'm 18 again, waiting for the LC results and telling people I'm not going to uni, that I don't want to. The looks I'm getting now from my peers are similar to the looks I got back then from my elders. The look of shock at the fact I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself or my life is similar to the look I'm getting now at the fact I have no real solid plans. I have a few vague ideas, but they are all dependant on other vague ideas being successful or falling through. People ask where I'm going to be and my answer is along the lines of "Somewhere in the south of Ireland or north of England." Because to be honest, that's about all I know right now. I had an interview for a job in a small village outside Manchester but was unsuccessful. That was the only positive line I had and it got cut. I have an offer to housesit in Northampton for a few months from August onwards, but do I want to move that far away? If I stay in England I'd kinda like to be near Hull. A lot of friends are sticking around here and it'd be nice to be able to visit easily. And I'm sure Northampton would be nice and I'd meet people and all that, but this is my home now.
Speaking of leaving Hull, I am getting so upset this week. I said goodbye to one of my best friends on Tuesday, and it's the last time I'll see him for God knows how long. I may see him in July when I come back for graduation, but then he may not be around as he's not graduating himself. If I come back next year for visits he'll be top of my list of people to see, but thats only an "if" I come back. I don't see why I wouldn't, but it doesn't stop it playing on my mind. Had we not said goodbye in the middle of the street I'm sure I would have cried. And I know I'm gonna cry either Wednesday or Thursday when I have to say goodbye to the guy I've been spending all my time with since exams ended. He and I have spent a ton of time together over the year and have gotten really close. He knows way too much about me. Since we both finished essays we've hung out almost every day, doing something - generally watching movies or just talking til God knows what time in the morning. Saying goodbye to him is going to be weird. Not seeing him on an almost daily basis is going to throw me.
Packing is proving to be difficult. I keep promising myself I'm going to sort my room, decide whats for charity, whats for friends and whats for home. So far I've gone through about a third of my clothes, some of my books and thats it. The books proved problematic, I don't want to get rid of barely any of them, but I am trying. Doesn't help that I keep finding more I want. I've bought about six books since I finished my degree. Not too bad, but thats about how many I bought for pleasure in the three years I was at uni. I've read four, am on number five. My favourite was one called Fup {the authors name escapes me right now} about a grandfather, his grandson and the duck they find and raise as a pet. It's just plain silly, can be read in about an hour. But thoroughly enjoyable.
Packing - thats what I was talking about, not books. Packing! The clothes and shoes are proving difficult too. I was in agony thinking about having to sort through my shoes. I have two pairs of boots I know I should throw out, but can't help thinking that the cobbler in Waterford might be able to fix them for me. Cause I don't want to throw them. I like them too much! But then there's shoes I've never worn, or only worn two or three times, and know I should throw, but there's the "What if?" potential to each shoe that makes me rethink it.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I should stop and go read. Or sort. Or pack. Or something.
Also, post 80! Who'd have thought.
Monday, 2 June 2008
Balls and Boyz!
Nici leaves tomorrow. It's been a good week, but flown by pretty quickly. I've loved having her here, though I'm not so sure she picked up on that. It's been a strange week for me, strange few weeks actually. I'm so lost about what to do. I keep making vague plans with friends and realising that really I can't agree to anything because I have no idea what I'll be doing or where I'll be doing it. People keep asking what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go, what my plans are....all I can do is shrug my shoulders, shake my head and tell them I have no idea. Seems like I'm not the only one though, which does make me feel that bit better.
Anyway, back to Nici, we had an interesting week. Lots of shopping, not many purchases. Lots of walking, not much sleep. And lots of music! Friday night was the Boyzone concert down in London, which despite my initial "Oh my god, what am I doing?" feelings, was a fantastic night. The two support acts were less than great but they were entertaining. The Boyz were brilliant. They may have aged, but so have their audience. I actually felt quite young while looking around me. The four women sat to my right were all well over 40.
There was one moment when I felt quite old however. One of the boyz was introducing a song and he made a comment about how it was 15 years since they had recorded it. FIFTEEN YEARS!!!! I was 8! Susan, Nici and I all looked at each other in shock and started laughing. It felt weird to know I've been listening to their music - albeit on and off - for that many years. Which means I was about 9 when I first saw them live in O'Sheas. Wow! But all in all, a good night. The trip down took us a lot longer than we would have liked, but thats mostly due to the fact we're not very competent travellers.
The End Of Year Ball was last night, and it ended up being quite a good night out. Not as much fun as last years ball, but still a brilliant night. Nici seemed to enjoy it too, which is good. Her, Tom and Roland seemed to have fun. I took - and Ben took - quite a few photos, so once I have them loaded I'll put some up. If for nothing else but the dresses. Which, I might add, it took me forever to find. I bought my dress for the ball at about 2pm yesterday afternoon. But it worked out well, I loved it. Was a little doubtful to begin with, but by the time the night was ending, I was in love with it.
As for events at the ball, one friend informed me I'm one of the most important women in his life, which made me feel happy. As simple as it sounds, it made me feel happy. He is one of the people I have met here that I intend to still be in touch with in my 60's. When, I might add, is about the time he thinks we'll end up getting married. Another close friend told me he thinks I'll be really close to his children. I told him I better be. His response was along the lines of: "Well, lets face it, you'll probably be their mother." Which is kinda sweet, in a weird way. I even managed to make one friend cry - well, almost - with words. We were talking, and yes he was a little drunk, and he said some sweet things, and I informed him that when we first met early in our first year he was a boy, and I've seen him grow into a man in the three years we've known each other. He smiled and almost cried. Which was nice payback, since he's one of the two people who have seen me cry in Hull.
Anyway, I'm gonna stop for now. Sleep is needed.
Anyway, back to Nici, we had an interesting week. Lots of shopping, not many purchases. Lots of walking, not much sleep. And lots of music! Friday night was the Boyzone concert down in London, which despite my initial "Oh my god, what am I doing?" feelings, was a fantastic night. The two support acts were less than great but they were entertaining. The Boyz were brilliant. They may have aged, but so have their audience. I actually felt quite young while looking around me. The four women sat to my right were all well over 40.
There was one moment when I felt quite old however. One of the boyz was introducing a song and he made a comment about how it was 15 years since they had recorded it. FIFTEEN YEARS!!!! I was 8! Susan, Nici and I all looked at each other in shock and started laughing. It felt weird to know I've been listening to their music - albeit on and off - for that many years. Which means I was about 9 when I first saw them live in O'Sheas. Wow! But all in all, a good night. The trip down took us a lot longer than we would have liked, but thats mostly due to the fact we're not very competent travellers.
The End Of Year Ball was last night, and it ended up being quite a good night out. Not as much fun as last years ball, but still a brilliant night. Nici seemed to enjoy it too, which is good. Her, Tom and Roland seemed to have fun. I took - and Ben took - quite a few photos, so once I have them loaded I'll put some up. If for nothing else but the dresses. Which, I might add, it took me forever to find. I bought my dress for the ball at about 2pm yesterday afternoon. But it worked out well, I loved it. Was a little doubtful to begin with, but by the time the night was ending, I was in love with it.
As for events at the ball, one friend informed me I'm one of the most important women in his life, which made me feel happy. As simple as it sounds, it made me feel happy. He is one of the people I have met here that I intend to still be in touch with in my 60's. When, I might add, is about the time he thinks we'll end up getting married. Another close friend told me he thinks I'll be really close to his children. I told him I better be. His response was along the lines of: "Well, lets face it, you'll probably be their mother." Which is kinda sweet, in a weird way. I even managed to make one friend cry - well, almost - with words. We were talking, and yes he was a little drunk, and he said some sweet things, and I informed him that when we first met early in our first year he was a boy, and I've seen him grow into a man in the three years we've known each other. He smiled and almost cried. Which was nice payback, since he's one of the two people who have seen me cry in Hull.
Anyway, I'm gonna stop for now. Sleep is needed.
Saturday, 17 May 2008
Three years...what now?
Thursday morning I handed in my essay on the works of Samuel Beckett, and once that green acceptance slip was in my hands I knew I had come to the end. My final essay. My final Third year essay. The end of my degree. Three years of living in Hull, three years of getting to know the people, the campus, the city and now it's all over. Put it in a box marked memories and put it on a shelf, to be peeked into sporadically over the rest of my life. It's a little bit sad really. But it hasn't really sunk in either. Give it a few weeks, when I have to start saying goodbye to people, then it'll sink in. Although, I did have to say goodbye to someone already. I was in Spiders last night and I met a friend who was leaving today. He finished on Wednesday and having no job, no money and nothing to do made the decision to go home. That was a little strange.
On a brighter note, my sister is coming to visit in just over a week. Can't wait to see her, and can't wait to have her here. Have a lot planned for the week she's here, we'll both be knackered by the end of it but what harm!
On a brighter note, my sister is coming to visit in just over a week. Can't wait to see her, and can't wait to have her here. Have a lot planned for the week she's here, we'll both be knackered by the end of it but what harm!
Friday, 7 March 2008
Choices
It's been a bit of an odd week. After the election results on Thursday night I decided to take things in my stride. I spent the weekend primarily by myself, which suited me fine. I worked, I read, I baked. I even made a to-do list, and managed to cross more than half the points off. I felt quite good about things. I didn't get a chance to really think about my future. But that suited me fine. I don't really want to think about what to do. I've spent the past week avoiding the idea. People keep asking, and I tell everyone something different. One person I told I was hoping to go home and work on a new local paper - which is a possibility. Another person I mentioned that I may move to Australia - which is again a possibility. But who knows where I'll end up or what I'll end up doing.
I also think I may have made myself ill. I've been feeling tired, run down and generally not 100% for a few days, which culminated in me having a headache for the duration of today and sleeping badly the past few nights. I think this trip home will do me the world of good. Roll on Wednesday!!
I also think I may have made myself ill. I've been feeling tired, run down and generally not 100% for a few days, which culminated in me having a headache for the duration of today and sleeping badly the past few nights. I think this trip home will do me the world of good. Roll on Wednesday!!
I said I baked - here's the proof. Brown Butter Cookies with chocolate. They were really really good. But really small - shaped in a teaspoon. I'm thinking of making bigger ones and decorating them like Easter eggs for the boys for Easter weekend, if I manage it I'll take photos.
Friday, 29 February 2008
Election Fever Is Done
Election Stuff
I had hoped to be able to write here this morning that all the questions I had in my head for if I didn't win would not need to be answered for another year, but that's not the case. The position went to one of my opponents. But hey, someone had to lose. And I'll admit, I know it's all my own fault that I didn't get it. If I'd been more enthusiastic about campaigning there's a good chance I'd have surpassed my opponents....but I'm thinking maybe deep down I didn't want to win. The experience was one I won't forget, but I don't think doing the job would have made me totally happy. All I need to do now is figure out what it is that will make me happy.
In regards to the other positions, I'm delighted for quite a few of the results. People I hope will do an amazing job, and definately the best candidates won - in most cases. In the case of President of HUU however, the only thing I have to say is I am absolutely delighted that I am now a member of her team for next year. I could not - and would not - put up with her for an entire year as my co-worker. And I pity the VP's who have to work with her.
Lastly, big big big congrats to Mr. Hamilton. He was up against a very tough opponent and I know he was terribly nervous throughout the week, but it all came to fruition. Good luck in the job Alex.
Other Stuff
There's not a lot of other stuff to talk about right now, elections kinda took over my life. Guess I can have it back now. I am open to suggestions as to what to do in the future if anyone wants to pass ideas on. I am kinda looking forward to going home for easter. It'll do me good to get away from Hull and think clearly about my future, and about what I want to do. Part of me wants to go home, work and earn some money. Pay back loans and parents and that. But then part of me wants to stay in England, maybe Hull, maybe not. Do the same thing, get a job and start paying back all the money I owe.
I heard yesterday that a girl I went to school with got the keys of her new house. It rocked me slightly. As did getting a wedding invitation from a girl I knew in school. It's a bit strange to think the people I grew up with are, well, growing up. Getting married, buying houses....it's all a bit much. I guess it's something I've got to start thinking about.
I had hoped to be able to write here this morning that all the questions I had in my head for if I didn't win would not need to be answered for another year, but that's not the case. The position went to one of my opponents. But hey, someone had to lose. And I'll admit, I know it's all my own fault that I didn't get it. If I'd been more enthusiastic about campaigning there's a good chance I'd have surpassed my opponents....but I'm thinking maybe deep down I didn't want to win. The experience was one I won't forget, but I don't think doing the job would have made me totally happy. All I need to do now is figure out what it is that will make me happy.
In regards to the other positions, I'm delighted for quite a few of the results. People I hope will do an amazing job, and definately the best candidates won - in most cases. In the case of President of HUU however, the only thing I have to say is I am absolutely delighted that I am now a member of her team for next year. I could not - and would not - put up with her for an entire year as my co-worker. And I pity the VP's who have to work with her.
Lastly, big big big congrats to Mr. Hamilton. He was up against a very tough opponent and I know he was terribly nervous throughout the week, but it all came to fruition. Good luck in the job Alex.
Other Stuff
There's not a lot of other stuff to talk about right now, elections kinda took over my life. Guess I can have it back now. I am open to suggestions as to what to do in the future if anyone wants to pass ideas on. I am kinda looking forward to going home for easter. It'll do me good to get away from Hull and think clearly about my future, and about what I want to do. Part of me wants to go home, work and earn some money. Pay back loans and parents and that. But then part of me wants to stay in England, maybe Hull, maybe not. Do the same thing, get a job and start paying back all the money I owe.
I heard yesterday that a girl I went to school with got the keys of her new house. It rocked me slightly. As did getting a wedding invitation from a girl I knew in school. It's a bit strange to think the people I grew up with are, well, growing up. Getting married, buying houses....it's all a bit much. I guess it's something I've got to start thinking about.
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Writer's Block
I always seem to suffer from writer's block when I have an assignment due. Any other time I can write and write and write, and come up with some good ideas, but when I have something that needs to be written for a specific time I get stuck. I have a 4,500 word piece due on Wednesday and I currently have just shy of 2,000 words written for it. I cannot seem to expand. It has to be either a complete short story or a section of one. So I wrote a scene between two people to throw into the middle of a short story that I have in my head, but that scene doesn't go beyond the 2,000 mark. So now I need to expand upon that, or write another scene, or the opening of the story or something to make it hit the word count.
Of course the fact that I'm slowly but surely driving myself insane thinking about the future doesn't help my writer's block. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it right now, and focusing on the papers that are going to shape my future, but I can't help it. With every essay I hand in I think I'm a grade closer to graduating. I'm terrified. I have no idea what to do. I have plenty of options - I think.
1: Run for a sabbatical position and if I succeed in getting it, stay in Hull for an extra year and work at that job. Pro's and Con's are fairly obvious. I get to stay in Hull, I get a fantastic criteria to put on my cv for the future, and I get to do something I think I would enjoy. On the other hand, the job does seem really difficult and taxing, it's very low pay and it's a very busy position. I'd have to forego the majority of the social side of my life to do this job to the degree it deserves to be done.
2: Stay in Hull. I've spent a while tonight looking at jobs online in places I know of. Looked at Hull, home, Edinburgh, High Wycombe and a few others. Even went so far as to looking at jobs in Australia. I'd like to be able to stay in Hull once I graduate for another year, six months minimum. But I know from talking to friends who have graduated before me that there is a very small amount of jobs in this city, unless you like factory work or bakeries. And I've done both in my time, and don't feel the urge to repeat either just yet.
3: Move home. It's an option, but one I don't feel ready for. I've built a life here, my friends are here, and despite it's drawbacks and bad reputation I love this city. It's quirky, it's odd, but I love it. If I move home yes it's a cheaper option, yes it means I get to be with my family more - which I really really miss - and yes I know I could find a job easily. But the chances of me finding a job I would enjoy are slim. I know I'd end up working back somewhere like Euro 2. Had enough of that thank you! I didn't go do an English degree so I could go back to being a supervisor in a discount store.
Option 4: Move and start again. As I said, I was looking at jobs all over, and I know I could move and start again, if I found a dream job. But I don't know what my dream job is. I'd like to go into a job that at least has some connection to my degree, otherwise whats the point? But that's limiting. I'm going to send cv's to every newspaper in the country I think, and every publishing house and every magazine HQ - anyone, anywhere, that might employ me because I can write fast and spell properly and have an opinion on literature.
It doesn't help that I keep hearing friends discussing applying for jobs, how bad the job market is in Hull, filling in masters applications, talking about housing. If I want to stay in Hull I need to decide, I need to find somewhere to live.
Jobs and housing is just one thing freaking me out about the future. I'm dating a guy I like, a lot, and I've been with him longer than I thought I'd be. But - and I know there are people who will kill me for saying this - I doubt it'll go anywhere. I know, I know, I'm young, I should just enjoy it while it lasts and not think about the future etc., etc. But the thing is, that's what I do. I think about how things are going, and where they are going, and as much as I like him I can't see us being together outside of university. University is a funny thing, people are all the same. Older, younger. Local, foreign. Widely travelled, never left home. Doesn't matter. People are just people. But outside that little world, people are not just people. People become things, instead of humans. Those labels that you managed to shake off for the three or four years you studied come back to haunt you. Who you are. Where you're from. What colour skin you have.
I can see myself leaving uni and travelling. I can see myself in the future moving alot. It's in my blood. I like to change the scenery from time to time. He was born and bred near Hull, and I can see him staying in the area. There's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but it's not me. I've a gypsy, he's a home boy.
BUT, for now, all is still good. It's three months and I'm still happy. He makes me smile, he's good to me and I like being with him. So, I will do what I know I would be told to do, and enjoy it while it lasts, and just wait and see what happens.
Of course the fact that I'm slowly but surely driving myself insane thinking about the future doesn't help my writer's block. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it right now, and focusing on the papers that are going to shape my future, but I can't help it. With every essay I hand in I think I'm a grade closer to graduating. I'm terrified. I have no idea what to do. I have plenty of options - I think.
1: Run for a sabbatical position and if I succeed in getting it, stay in Hull for an extra year and work at that job. Pro's and Con's are fairly obvious. I get to stay in Hull, I get a fantastic criteria to put on my cv for the future, and I get to do something I think I would enjoy. On the other hand, the job does seem really difficult and taxing, it's very low pay and it's a very busy position. I'd have to forego the majority of the social side of my life to do this job to the degree it deserves to be done.
2: Stay in Hull. I've spent a while tonight looking at jobs online in places I know of. Looked at Hull, home, Edinburgh, High Wycombe and a few others. Even went so far as to looking at jobs in Australia. I'd like to be able to stay in Hull once I graduate for another year, six months minimum. But I know from talking to friends who have graduated before me that there is a very small amount of jobs in this city, unless you like factory work or bakeries. And I've done both in my time, and don't feel the urge to repeat either just yet.
3: Move home. It's an option, but one I don't feel ready for. I've built a life here, my friends are here, and despite it's drawbacks and bad reputation I love this city. It's quirky, it's odd, but I love it. If I move home yes it's a cheaper option, yes it means I get to be with my family more - which I really really miss - and yes I know I could find a job easily. But the chances of me finding a job I would enjoy are slim. I know I'd end up working back somewhere like Euro 2. Had enough of that thank you! I didn't go do an English degree so I could go back to being a supervisor in a discount store.
Option 4: Move and start again. As I said, I was looking at jobs all over, and I know I could move and start again, if I found a dream job. But I don't know what my dream job is. I'd like to go into a job that at least has some connection to my degree, otherwise whats the point? But that's limiting. I'm going to send cv's to every newspaper in the country I think, and every publishing house and every magazine HQ - anyone, anywhere, that might employ me because I can write fast and spell properly and have an opinion on literature.
It doesn't help that I keep hearing friends discussing applying for jobs, how bad the job market is in Hull, filling in masters applications, talking about housing. If I want to stay in Hull I need to decide, I need to find somewhere to live.
Jobs and housing is just one thing freaking me out about the future. I'm dating a guy I like, a lot, and I've been with him longer than I thought I'd be. But - and I know there are people who will kill me for saying this - I doubt it'll go anywhere. I know, I know, I'm young, I should just enjoy it while it lasts and not think about the future etc., etc. But the thing is, that's what I do. I think about how things are going, and where they are going, and as much as I like him I can't see us being together outside of university. University is a funny thing, people are all the same. Older, younger. Local, foreign. Widely travelled, never left home. Doesn't matter. People are just people. But outside that little world, people are not just people. People become things, instead of humans. Those labels that you managed to shake off for the three or four years you studied come back to haunt you. Who you are. Where you're from. What colour skin you have.
I can see myself leaving uni and travelling. I can see myself in the future moving alot. It's in my blood. I like to change the scenery from time to time. He was born and bred near Hull, and I can see him staying in the area. There's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but it's not me. I've a gypsy, he's a home boy.
BUT, for now, all is still good. It's three months and I'm still happy. He makes me smile, he's good to me and I like being with him. So, I will do what I know I would be told to do, and enjoy it while it lasts, and just wait and see what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)