Everything changed last summer. I was on track to the weight I wanted. Actually, the body I wanted. For possibly the first time in my entire life. I had starting exercising, and I was actually enjoying it. Three, sometimes four times a week I was going to a fitness class, I loved it. And between that and eating a little better it was doing wonderful things for me. Then last summer I had an amazing opportunity to start a new full time job. Having been in a part time job for a few years and knowing there was no chance of progression there, it was definitely worth considering. There was a catch however. It involved moving to another city. Great. Wonderful. Why not? Whole lot of reasons for and against but after a lot of discussion with B and my family, I decided to accept the job and see how things turned out.
The job is a sedentary office job. Five days a week. It's not my dream job but it's a full time, ok paid job that is possibly a job for life if it continues to go well. The biggest problem, and what has prompted me to write this, is that the combination of a new city, a sit down job and losing the class I was enjoying so much has meant that I am back to being pudgy; heavy; overweight; fat; even possibly clinically obese. I should add, these are not terms that have been used by other people to describe me. These are all self appointed descriptions. I am at a point where I am unhappy with my outward appearance and where I feel unhealthy and am concerned about how th food I'm eating are impacting my overall wellbeing. I don't feel comfortable or confident. I don't like wearing the clothes I used to love because now they cling in all the wrong places. They're tight and uncomfortable. I actually snapped my belt while trying to buckle it a few days ago. Now, the belt wasn't the newest or the sturdiest, but it was still an upsetting moment. And maybe even a pivotal one. I joined a weight loss group two days later. I'm undecided as to whether I'll name the group or not, maybe we'll wait to see what happens. My sister had joined the same weight loss group and has had success, so I decided it was worth a shot.
My first night the weigh in was a little terrifying. Thankfully it's a very private weigh in. But the positive part is that I am pretty much the weight I thought I was. If that makes sense. So that was Thursday night. This is now Saturday night and today was the first day I put their weight loss plan into action. Friday was a non starter. No reason, just wanted to put it off a day or two more. And also I think part of me wanted to come home and sit and talk with B about the food options and to try encourage him to join me. So today we did a big shop, and for the first time in probably nine months, there was no chocolate, no biscuits. Not a cereal bar in sight. It was plain weird. Actually it was just plain.
For a first day it wasn't terrible. Now the decision to go to the cinema later in the day may have been misguided, but I stood strong. I packed an apple and strawberries and ate those. The lingering scent of the popcorn as we heading in the doors was hard to ignore. Popcorn is half the reason I even go to the cinema. But I was proud of myself today. I bought a drink, nothing more. I ate my strawberries and my apple slices. And it was weird. It wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't life altering or emotional. But it was strange. And, before the movie was over (Marvel movie so it was over two hours) I was hungry. And not a little peckish but hungry!! Normally after a cinema trip, B and I would skip dinner. Tonight however we made dinner. A healthy one. Grilled chicken, (no skin), quinoa and veg (tomatoes, spring onions, peppers, carrots and sugar snap peas). And it was really tasty. But, again, less than two hours later, we're both hungry again. I mean I'm sure that's probably a good thing but I'm far too used to popping to the kitchen and grabbing a snack. Chocolate or crisps or biscuits. Something to satisfy a craving and sate the hunger. Tonight, I went for a banana. Not nearly as exciting as M&M's but it will be worth it.
I aim to write and update how I'm getting on a couple times a week. Hopefully the task of writing about my food, eating habits and weight will make the journey more bearable. It might even be helpful to someone else. So, here I am, taking the first step to the rest of my life. Hopefully a healthier one.
Saturday, 7 May 2016
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
New World
Things don't stay stationary with me for very long. It's not that I get bored or lose interest, I guess its just that I haven't found the thing that I feel I can do for the rest of my life yet. People will tell you that a job is a job, and it is. And you should be greatful to be given an opportunity. But at the same time, if its an opportunity to do something that will mean I will get bored of it in a week or several or even a year or two, I don't wanna hang around.
I made the decision to move home a few weeks ago, and as of last Thursday (five days and counting) I am at home in Ireland again. Most of the time, it's great. Some times I am questioning why I decided to do it.
Already I have a possible job prospect, which in itself is great. Less than a week and something has come up. And I know that I should be appreciative and take it if I can get it. But at the same time, its not something I want to do. Or see myself being happy doing.
Yes jobs are all about an income. That's what it boils down to. But I would like to at least be somewhat excited to get out of bed to go to work. I'd like to look forward to it. I'd like to be motivated to progress. With this job, I think the only thing that would motivate me would be getting home.
I made the decision to move home a few weeks ago, and as of last Thursday (five days and counting) I am at home in Ireland again. Most of the time, it's great. Some times I am questioning why I decided to do it.
Already I have a possible job prospect, which in itself is great. Less than a week and something has come up. And I know that I should be appreciative and take it if I can get it. But at the same time, its not something I want to do. Or see myself being happy doing.
Yes jobs are all about an income. That's what it boils down to. But I would like to at least be somewhat excited to get out of bed to go to work. I'd like to look forward to it. I'd like to be motivated to progress. With this job, I think the only thing that would motivate me would be getting home.
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
How do you choose?
I recently (well, in April) took part in World Book Night. The idea behind it is brilliant; try get people reading again. Thats basically it. Get people reading who don't normally read, or get avid readers to try something different.
I got picked to hand out 24 copies of Audrey Nifeneggers 'The Time Traveller's Wife' , which is a fantastic novel, and I surprised myself in having managed to give them all away within a couple of days.
Anyway, I received an email this week from the WBN people (thats what us cool kids call it) asking me to choose my top ten favourite books and send them the list. This is how they choose their books each year. Book fanatics such as myself send them our top tens, they then make a top 100 of the most titles that appear most often, and then whittle it down to 25. Tough job.
But it got me thinking, how do you choose ten? Just ten? Is it even possible? The first book that came to mind immediately was Andrew Davidson's The Gargoyle. I read this last November and it took my breath away. I want to buy a hundred copies and pass them out to family, friends and even strangers just saying Please Read This! Davidson's first novel (that fact also blew me away! How?) is a compelling, if slightly skew-ways story of a man with no future, and a woman who gives him a past, and in doing so creates a new future for him. I guess thats the best way to describe it. It's gruesome to begin with and there were moments when I was almost closing the book, but I couldn't. The writing was so detailed that the story of a burn victim was painful to take, but the story was so engaging that I couldn't bear to put it down.
But what about books 2 through 10? How do I choose them?
My list so far is:
Three: Hmm, very probably it would have to still be in the fantasy veign and be Fairie Tale by Raymond E. Feist. I read this book first when I was about 15, and it scared the bejayses out of me! And it still does. I've read it several times and it is always a brilliant read. A family move from the city into an old house in the middle of nowhere next to a forest. But what they don't realise is that the forest isn't any usual place, and the fairie folk don't take kindly to their new neighbours.
Four: I found this book through a movie, the way I do a lot of books. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is a true story surrounding a man who finds his old college professor years later. Morrie Schwartz was an incredible man with a lot of insight and he shared a lot of these thoughts with Mitch. It's a book that is bound to make you emotional, and to make you think about those people in your life that you have lost touch with.
Will write again soon with descriptions of the rest.
I got picked to hand out 24 copies of Audrey Nifeneggers 'The Time Traveller's Wife' , which is a fantastic novel, and I surprised myself in having managed to give them all away within a couple of days.
Anyway, I received an email this week from the WBN people (thats what us cool kids call it) asking me to choose my top ten favourite books and send them the list. This is how they choose their books each year. Book fanatics such as myself send them our top tens, they then make a top 100 of the most titles that appear most often, and then whittle it down to 25. Tough job.
But it got me thinking, how do you choose ten? Just ten? Is it even possible? The first book that came to mind immediately was Andrew Davidson's The Gargoyle. I read this last November and it took my breath away. I want to buy a hundred copies and pass them out to family, friends and even strangers just saying Please Read This! Davidson's first novel (that fact also blew me away! How?) is a compelling, if slightly skew-ways story of a man with no future, and a woman who gives him a past, and in doing so creates a new future for him. I guess thats the best way to describe it. It's gruesome to begin with and there were moments when I was almost closing the book, but I couldn't. The writing was so detailed that the story of a burn victim was painful to take, but the story was so engaging that I couldn't bear to put it down.
But what about books 2 through 10? How do I choose them?
My list so far is:
1 – Andrew Davidson
– The Gargoyle
2 – Patrick
Rothfuss – The Name Of The Wind
3 – Raymond
E Feist – Fairie Tale
4 – Mitch Albom
– Tuesdays With Morrie
5 – Jim
Dodge – Fup
6 – Neil Gaiman
– American Gods
7 – Mitch Albom
– For One More Day
8 - Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Two would have to be The Name Of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Again, a first novel. (And again, How?) Never before have I waited so long for a man as I have done for Kvothe. I read The Name Of The Wind four years ago, and the second book in the trilogy was only released last March. Three years waiting nearly drove me mad. But the second installment was just as fantastic as the first. The story centres around the life and trials of one young Kvothe, a student of a university with a difference. It's hard to describe, but trust me, if you like your fantasy novels, try Rothfuss on for size.8 - Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Three: Hmm, very probably it would have to still be in the fantasy veign and be Fairie Tale by Raymond E. Feist. I read this book first when I was about 15, and it scared the bejayses out of me! And it still does. I've read it several times and it is always a brilliant read. A family move from the city into an old house in the middle of nowhere next to a forest. But what they don't realise is that the forest isn't any usual place, and the fairie folk don't take kindly to their new neighbours.
Four: I found this book through a movie, the way I do a lot of books. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is a true story surrounding a man who finds his old college professor years later. Morrie Schwartz was an incredible man with a lot of insight and he shared a lot of these thoughts with Mitch. It's a book that is bound to make you emotional, and to make you think about those people in your life that you have lost touch with.
Will write again soon with descriptions of the rest.
Sunday, 22 April 2012
Songs
I'm singing again.
For those of you who don't know me well, this won't seem like such a big thing. But for those that know me, they know I sing all the time, involuntarily. It is just a part of who I am. My mother always says the house is too quiet without me because no one is singing. And since I moved to the Uk back in August I haven't been. It's been a tough winter, but the sun is coming out again. I find myself singing along with the radio again, going for high notes when before I just dropped off.
I don't like to read too much into things, but I think things must be improving.
For those of you who don't know me well, this won't seem like such a big thing. But for those that know me, they know I sing all the time, involuntarily. It is just a part of who I am. My mother always says the house is too quiet without me because no one is singing. And since I moved to the Uk back in August I haven't been. It's been a tough winter, but the sun is coming out again. I find myself singing along with the radio again, going for high notes when before I just dropped off.
I don't like to read too much into things, but I think things must be improving.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Late Night
It is currently 1:20 am - well, technically it is 2:20 am as the clocks are springing forward tonight. But I don't feel much like springing. Or celebrating. Or doing anything that might indicate that I feel alright or happy.
It has been a roller coaster of a month, and it ain't over yet. At the beginning I was in a relationship that was healthy, happy and had a bright future. Now? Now I am in limbo with a man who couldn't make a decision if his life depended on it.
It's been a four year roller coaster ride. But the kind of ride that even at the scariest moment, when you're screaming so hard your lungs hurt, you still know deep down that you're safe. But maybe it's been too safe.
I feel like I have run myself ragged trying to make him love me. He is the quiet silent type, and I am not. I like to talk. I like to listen. I like to know what the people closest to me are thinking; what they're worried about; what they want from life; what they dream about. So I caused problems in our four years by asking too many questions. But he caused problems by not answering them. Or not talking at all.
Relationships are tricky. Granted I'm still relatively young at 27, but I have had my fair share of strange, complicated relationships. And because of that now I know what I want. So is it wrong of me to be forward about what I want and what I think I deserve? I don't think I should have to fight so hard to be loved. All I ask for is conversation, honesty and a bit of romance from time to time. And to be first choice.
I believe that if you've found someone you want to grow old with, you should make sure that they know every day that no one else compares. I have made sure, every day, that he knows how important and special he is to me. All I ask is the same in return. I'm starting to think I may have been wasting my breath.
It has been a roller coaster of a month, and it ain't over yet. At the beginning I was in a relationship that was healthy, happy and had a bright future. Now? Now I am in limbo with a man who couldn't make a decision if his life depended on it.
It's been a four year roller coaster ride. But the kind of ride that even at the scariest moment, when you're screaming so hard your lungs hurt, you still know deep down that you're safe. But maybe it's been too safe.
I feel like I have run myself ragged trying to make him love me. He is the quiet silent type, and I am not. I like to talk. I like to listen. I like to know what the people closest to me are thinking; what they're worried about; what they want from life; what they dream about. So I caused problems in our four years by asking too many questions. But he caused problems by not answering them. Or not talking at all.
Relationships are tricky. Granted I'm still relatively young at 27, but I have had my fair share of strange, complicated relationships. And because of that now I know what I want. So is it wrong of me to be forward about what I want and what I think I deserve? I don't think I should have to fight so hard to be loved. All I ask for is conversation, honesty and a bit of romance from time to time. And to be first choice.
I believe that if you've found someone you want to grow old with, you should make sure that they know every day that no one else compares. I have made sure, every day, that he knows how important and special he is to me. All I ask is the same in return. I'm starting to think I may have been wasting my breath.
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Up in the Air!
No, not the Clooney movie, but my life.
The last month has been tumultuous to say the least. Batman visited for the Tall Ships weekend here in Waterford, which was a great weekend. Then he went home. And thats when it started. The distance has proven too much for the caped crusader and he/we decided it was time to call it quits. Unwillingly it happened. Then less than 5 days later I received word about an interview. In Hull. Ironic. So, I went to the interview, got the job, and am moving to Hull in less than a week.
Three years with him, trying to find work to be in the same place as him. We break up and the universe gets a sense of humour. But, beggars can't be choosers, and as there are no jobs on this side of the water I accepted and am now leaving Tramore. Again. How many times is this?
So, my future is all a bit of a jumble. I have a good job, but no guy to come home to at the end of the day. I have great friends who let me stay on their couch, but no place of my own. I have a fantastic family that are loving and supportive and encouraging....and I am choosing to leave them behind. I think that is going to be the hardest part.
But new beginnings and all that jazz. New job will lead to new friends. Living on the couch will push me to find somewhere to live. And Batman and I are going to go back to the beginning and date for a while, see how things lie.
All in all, I have no idea whats going to happen, but I'm excited to find out.
The last month has been tumultuous to say the least. Batman visited for the Tall Ships weekend here in Waterford, which was a great weekend. Then he went home. And thats when it started. The distance has proven too much for the caped crusader and he/we decided it was time to call it quits. Unwillingly it happened. Then less than 5 days later I received word about an interview. In Hull. Ironic. So, I went to the interview, got the job, and am moving to Hull in less than a week.
Three years with him, trying to find work to be in the same place as him. We break up and the universe gets a sense of humour. But, beggars can't be choosers, and as there are no jobs on this side of the water I accepted and am now leaving Tramore. Again. How many times is this?
So, my future is all a bit of a jumble. I have a good job, but no guy to come home to at the end of the day. I have great friends who let me stay on their couch, but no place of my own. I have a fantastic family that are loving and supportive and encouraging....and I am choosing to leave them behind. I think that is going to be the hardest part.
But new beginnings and all that jazz. New job will lead to new friends. Living on the couch will push me to find somewhere to live. And Batman and I are going to go back to the beginning and date for a while, see how things lie.
All in all, I have no idea whats going to happen, but I'm excited to find out.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Look, I've been writing.
Dumbing Down
Sixty years ago it wasn't uncommon for some people to be unable to spell correctly, mostly due to a lack of education or the family's need for more regular incomes. You would like to think that we as a society have gone beyond that. It is not illegal to refuse anyone their right to an education but unfortunately our modern ways mean that people are still – or should that be again – losing a fighting battle with the English language.
Commonly regarded as the most complex language to master for those coming to it later in life, I believe it should be given the respect it deserves by those who call it mother tongue. But modern technology is gradually degrading it. With the invention of text messages and instant messaging services our communication age rounded a corner – leaving half of the alphabet behind. Words have been shortened, others replaced by symbols or numbers and even vowels removed – all in an attempt to save space and time. Even sites such as Twitter constrict the amount you can write in one go, at 140 characters a turn.
Why are we all in such a hurry?
The written word is a wonderful part of our lives. Think to those well thumbed books on your shelf; letters from an old friend; an invitation to a weddings; cards on your birthday. Without these things our lives would ultimately be wildly different and without the written word none of these would be possible. One could argue that there have been entire societies and tribes who used merely pictures and images to convey messages, but none of those people have ever felt the joy of following “Once upon a time...” to its conclusion, or reading a love letter dedicated solely to them.
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