Lapse of Judgement

I've been looking back at the month of May, and the choices I made that month, and I think I may have been blind-sided, or had a temporary lapse of judgement; or temporary brain loss. Whatever the reason I am completely clueless as to why I did some of the things I did. Though maybe it's just because I'm a girl and can never make up my mind one way or another.

Going Through The Motions

A month has passed and not a lot has occurred. Had the end of year ball on June 2nd. That was an interesting and eye opening night, though we won't go into details. I came home on June 7th and started work on June 8th. So far my face to face dealing with irritating tourists has been minimal, though I have found that trying to understand Dubliners on the phone is quite difficult. The girls I work with I already know one way or another so it's not bad in that respect either. It's fairly easy to pick up, mostly talking on the phone and taking bookings for the holiday homes, that sort of thing. Nothing major. Whether I can put up with it for three months, well thats another kettle of fish altogether. But if I managed to deal with the park for six years I'm sure I can manage this.



Last night was a Saturday, and in my town that means hitting the two local hotspots for people my age, first The Vic followed by The Baldy {now under the new name of Redz} but I haven't enjoyed doing that in quite a few years and try to avoid it as much as possible, so I stayed in and watched a movie instead. My ideal night - almost. My mom started talking to me once I'd watched my movie, saying how I should "Give Tramore a go." I told her I have done, many times, and it hasn't changed. I tried to explain to her how I feel I don't fit in here anymore. I have changed in the years since I left secondary school, but this town hasn't. Every Saturday night is the same. The same people, the same places and faces, the same conversations, the same arguments, the same explanations, the same music. And to be completely frank I find it boring, repetitive and stagnant. Nothing changes.

When I come home I do so to see my family and a handful of girls I have remained friends with from school, but aside from that I have no interest in being here. She can see that in me. She said I was like this last summer, and each time I visited throughout the year. I miss Hull and she knows it. I wouldn't have come home this summer if it weren't for the fact I knew I had a job waiting and a new nephew to get to know. I have accomodation in Hull for the summer and could have found a job if I tried. Part of me feels I had to come home, because I know I'm missed here. But something my mother said to me last night made a lot of sense, she said I'm just going through the motions when I'm home - waking up, work, home, dinner, tv or a walk or reading, and then bed. One single day is pretty much the same as any other day. I feel like an outcast in this town. I feel misunderstood. I feel like I have to explain myself and my decisions. I thought my family understood my decisions, but now it seems I have to explain myself to my family as well.



BUT on a totally different note, Terri's here in two days!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)