Time for a Proper Post

Day four back in Hull and what a busy few days its been. I got back Wednesday and was hounded {!!} to go out, so I went and actually had a really good night. We went to Sharkeys, and there ended up being quite a lot of us - especially if you include the three bar staff that I knew.

Thursday I went to the library, did work, met up with a friend for coffee and then that night a friend of mine came over, we had dinner and watched some movies and ended up talking until almost 3am. It was a really nice day. Yesterday I went to see the new Katherine Heigl movie, 27 Dresses. Definately worth a visit. Her and James Marsden work well on screen together and the movie is funny and entertaining.

Then went to Spiders last night with my housemate, a friend of his that's visiting and another crowd of people. The place was pretty empty, most students not being back yet, but it was still quite a good night. So today I am a little bit tired. But it's been fun. And, I've managed to get half way through my essay at the same time, which is a shock to me but there it is, over 1000 words written. Not sure when they got written, but they did. Just another 1,200 or so to go and it's done. That's the plan for the rest of today, since I don't think I have the energy to go partying again, as much as I'd like to.

Easter at home was fun. It was quiet but I liked it. Gave me a chance to relax and think through some things, future options, current predicaments, things of that nature. I don't think I've come to any set decision as yet, but it was a chance to sit without any of the normal distractions.

Speaking of distractions, it was so good to see my nephews this holiday. Eoin took some time to get used to me, but that's not surprising. And Conor was, as always, hilarious without intention to be. And I am quite jealous of him, he got to have his first ever ride on a motorbike. A friend of my father's came to call on his bike, and offered Conor a spin. Why didn't I get one??

Hull....

....I'm back, and Oh how I missed you!!

Food & Friends

I've already said that my trip home has consisted of a lot of food, and it hasn't changed. I'm still eating way too much food, but its sooo good.

I have a bit of a problem. I've a close friend who is, well, for want of a better phrase absolutely wrecking my head lately. I can't be around her without wanting to leave. She has finally picked up that there's something wrong, and she keeps asking, but I can't give her any reply other than I'm fine. I don't want to talk to her. About anything. I dunno, maybe I've just grown impatient with people. I've not spoken to one of my best friends in over a month because he just got on my last nerve. He is a hard guy to handle at the best of times, but I am a patient person and I love him, so I've stuck with him throughout uni. But since Christmas he had been making me feel guilty and feel like the things I did, the things I poured my heart into, the things that I spent my spare time working on were unimportant and pointless in his eyes. Which made me feel belittled and hurt. I couldn't get over it, and every time we spoke he made me feel worse. So I eventually screamed at him down the phone, to the point where he hung up. We've not spoken since.

I miss him. Which sounds silly, cause of the way he was treating me, but I do. He has this terrible habit of knowing what to say to make me see sense. Knowing what to say to make me feel like I'm not worthy, or not bright, or not aware of whats going on in front of me. I know sometimes I can be naive but its not as bad as makes out.

I'm rambling, guess I haven't made up my mind about what to do about the boy. My life is definately not the same without him in it, but do I want someone in my life who makes me feel like that?? To be fair, he can also cheer me up when no one else can, and he makes me smile and laugh and we can talk. But.....when I weigh up both sides, which one wins?

Home again, Home again

Been home a few days now and though its nice, it feels different. I know, it sounds weird, but it does. I guess I kinda feel homesick for Hull, which is strange, because last time I was home I didn't. But hey, things change.
Not been up to much since being home really. I've spent time chilling out at home, spending time with Conor and Ceilí. Trying to get Eoin used to me, he's still a bit wary of me, which is only natural I suppose. Been eating a lot, I always do when I come home. I put on weight when I get home because I eat things I tend to avoid in Eng. I don't avoid them on purpose, I just don't think to buy them. But here, they're a staple. Like white bread, french rolls, cheese, ham, crisps....mmm, then there's my mum's cooking, which is one of my favourite things ever. I tend to eat and eat and keep eating when it comes to meal times in this house.

One thing that I've been thinking about is my older sister asked me the other day if I was okay. She said I seemed distant. I can feel that I am, and I know that I'm not entirely relaxed this time round, but I can't work out why. It upsets me a bit to know I can't be entirely relaxed around my family, as they are the ones I should be completely myself with, but I guess I feel like somethings missing. I'm not quite sure what.

So, buttons?

I've been getting quite good at writing here regularly in the past month or two, and I'm proud of that. It may not be the most interesting read, but it's mine. But, the regular posts may get disrupted as I'm going home tomorrow for two weeks. Chances are I'll sit down at some point and type a blog, but it may happen just the once.

To be fair, I don't really have a lot to write about lately, I just like the regularity of writing here, as empty as they posts may be.

I saw Nick tonight. For the first time since we split. And it was really nice. He came round, we chatted a bit, watched a movie, just chilled out. Was good to be able to do that. He's got himself a new girlfriend, apparently he had to reassure her that nothing was going on between us. Can I make that number 5 on my list?? But she has reason, I guess. More reason than most.

I'm packed. It's the night before I'm due to travel and I'm packed. This doesn't happen. I'm normally running around like a headless chicken at this point, trying to find things. Although, and I know this will sound a little odd, I have lost a pair of tights. I washed them, hung them up with other clothes to dry to bring home with me, when I went to get the clothes someone had moved them into my basket, so I brought it upstairs. As I emptied it I realised the tights were gone. Peculiar, no? I'm sure they'll show up, 6 weeks down the line when I no longer want or need them.
But yeah, back to being packed. Aside from having to throw in things like toothbrush, hairbrush, I'm done. I swear I'm forgetting something though. I'm sure I'll find out when I get home tomorrow!

Puzzled Shop Staff

I wandered into a little shop this morning, wandered around looking for something. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted though. I get like that. Upon finding nothing of interest I headed for the door. The guy behind the counter asked me what I was looking for because I looked bemused.

"Inspiration" I told him.

He looked at me like I was a little crazy after that.

Choices

It's been a bit of an odd week. After the election results on Thursday night I decided to take things in my stride. I spent the weekend primarily by myself, which suited me fine. I worked, I read, I baked. I even made a to-do list, and managed to cross more than half the points off. I felt quite good about things. I didn't get a chance to really think about my future. But that suited me fine. I don't really want to think about what to do. I've spent the past week avoiding the idea. People keep asking, and I tell everyone something different. One person I told I was hoping to go home and work on a new local paper - which is a possibility. Another person I mentioned that I may move to Australia - which is again a possibility. But who knows where I'll end up or what I'll end up doing.

I also think I may have made myself ill. I've been feeling tired, run down and generally not 100% for a few days, which culminated in me having a headache for the duration of today and sleeping badly the past few nights. I think this trip home will do me the world of good. Roll on Wednesday!!

I said I baked - here's the proof. Brown Butter Cookies with chocolate. They were really really good. But really small - shaped in a teaspoon. I'm thinking of making bigger ones and decorating them like Easter eggs for the boys for Easter weekend, if I manage it I'll take photos.