Obsessed

So a little over a year ago I was introduced to the workings of the mind of Neil Gaiman. It started with seeing the movie Stardust - five or six times - and then being given a gift of the book of the same name and thoroughly enjoying it. So then I looked into him some more, and have since read American Gods, Anansi Boys, The Graveyard Book, Coraline and most recently Neverwhere. His books are the kind of things I wish I had the brian power to read. His mind just baffles me. I would hate to be lost inside it for any length of time. The detail in his writing, his style, the way his words just flow across the page. His childrens books {the two I've read} are a bit bizarre and you wouldn't read them to younger children for fear of frightening them, but wow are they amazing.

I read his books and feel at a loss. I have always wanted to write a book, preferably a kids books, but I've never come up with an idea strong enough to put to paper. When I read Gaiman's work I feel less than adequate when it comes to my writing. Why would anyone consider reading my material when there are novels such as his in the world already?

Home again, home again...

...jiggidy jig.

I went to Hull almost three weeks ago for a weekend. I got home yesterday. When it got to the day before I was supposed to come home, I couldn't bear to leave. I know, silly right? But I feel so much better being there. Its not that I'm unhappy at home, I'm just that bit happier in England. I have people to see and places I can go when I'm sick of being stuck in the house. I have people I trust and can talk to. And being able to see Batman whenever I want helps things too.

So I postponed my flights for two weeks. No one on this side of the water seemed happy about it; everyone on the English side was delighted. I even had Jason offer to 'steal' my bag with passport and flights in it, and then ring my mom saying he'd found the phone etc in the bag he stole, so I wouldn't be coming home. However I figured that just telling her myself would be a better option. She was delighted for me at first, but when I rang again the following weekend, she didn't sound so positive. And my boss was so unimpressed that I figured I wouldn't have a job when I got back. But I was in work at 9:30 this morning, so guess she didn't care as much as I thought.

The worst bit though is not knowing when I get to go back again. I had an amazing time being there, seeing people and going out and socialising. I kinda forgot how much fun it could be. I also kinda felt like I was finally back in the loop. Being away means that I only hear snippets of whats going on with my friends, and being there for almost three weeks meant I finally felt back in place and aware again. And I have no idea when I'll be back in England. End of May maybe? I honestly don't know, and that upsets me.

Anyway....to market, to market.

A Wreck

I'm not sure what to blame for the high emotions of the past two weeks. It could possible be that I'm over worked and not sleeping enough. It could be women stuff. It could be that I left Hull after Valentines weekend wishing I wasn't leaving; I sat in the departure lounge trying to work out if it made sense to walk back out of the airport, without getting on the plane. It could be that I'm due back in Hull in a matter of days and I don't feel like I'm wanted. I know that I am, but knowing something and feeling something are different at times. Batman's been really busy and quiet lately, add the distance to the mix and my crazy mindset and it doesn't make things easy. Why he still puts up with me I'll never understand. I must drive him up the wall sometimes, yet he still wants me there.

Anyway...enough of that. I finally sent off my application for the teaching course. I'm scared to do it, but it's sent. Not an hour ago, but it is sent. Now all I can do is wait.

I've been up the walls the last two weeks, picking little fights with people, crying at the drop of a hat and over the stupidest things, I'm tense and angry, and I don't know why. And I also think I'm sick, I'm either freezing cold or boiling. I can't seem to find a happy medium. I want to up and leave but I can't go anywhere, I have no money. I want to be in England, but I can't afford to stay for long because there are no jobs and I have no money.

Man my complaints are repetitive aren't they!?