Writer's Block

I always seem to suffer from writer's block when I have an assignment due. Any other time I can write and write and write, and come up with some good ideas, but when I have something that needs to be written for a specific time I get stuck. I have a 4,500 word piece due on Wednesday and I currently have just shy of 2,000 words written for it. I cannot seem to expand. It has to be either a complete short story or a section of one. So I wrote a scene between two people to throw into the middle of a short story that I have in my head, but that scene doesn't go beyond the 2,000 mark. So now I need to expand upon that, or write another scene, or the opening of the story or something to make it hit the word count.

Of course the fact that I'm slowly but surely driving myself insane thinking about the future doesn't help my writer's block. I know I shouldn't be worrying about it right now, and focusing on the papers that are going to shape my future, but I can't help it. With every essay I hand in I think I'm a grade closer to graduating. I'm terrified. I have no idea what to do. I have plenty of options - I think.

1: Run for a sabbatical position and if I succeed in getting it, stay in Hull for an extra year and work at that job. Pro's and Con's are fairly obvious. I get to stay in Hull, I get a fantastic criteria to put on my cv for the future, and I get to do something I think I would enjoy. On the other hand, the job does seem really difficult and taxing, it's very low pay and it's a very busy position. I'd have to forego the majority of the social side of my life to do this job to the degree it deserves to be done.

2: Stay in Hull. I've spent a while tonight looking at jobs online in places I know of. Looked at Hull, home, Edinburgh, High Wycombe and a few others. Even went so far as to looking at jobs in Australia. I'd like to be able to stay in Hull once I graduate for another year, six months minimum. But I know from talking to friends who have graduated before me that there is a very small amount of jobs in this city, unless you like factory work or bakeries. And I've done both in my time, and don't feel the urge to repeat either just yet.

3: Move home. It's an option, but one I don't feel ready for. I've built a life here, my friends are here, and despite it's drawbacks and bad reputation I love this city. It's quirky, it's odd, but I love it. If I move home yes it's a cheaper option, yes it means I get to be with my family more - which I really really miss - and yes I know I could find a job easily. But the chances of me finding a job I would enjoy are slim. I know I'd end up working back somewhere like Euro 2. Had enough of that thank you! I didn't go do an English degree so I could go back to being a supervisor in a discount store.

Option 4: Move and start again. As I said, I was looking at jobs all over, and I know I could move and start again, if I found a dream job. But I don't know what my dream job is. I'd like to go into a job that at least has some connection to my degree, otherwise whats the point? But that's limiting. I'm going to send cv's to every newspaper in the country I think, and every publishing house and every magazine HQ - anyone, anywhere, that might employ me because I can write fast and spell properly and have an opinion on literature.

It doesn't help that I keep hearing friends discussing applying for jobs, how bad the job market is in Hull, filling in masters applications, talking about housing. If I want to stay in Hull I need to decide, I need to find somewhere to live.

Jobs and housing is just one thing freaking me out about the future. I'm dating a guy I like, a lot, and I've been with him longer than I thought I'd be. But - and I know there are people who will kill me for saying this - I doubt it'll go anywhere. I know, I know, I'm young, I should just enjoy it while it lasts and not think about the future etc., etc. But the thing is, that's what I do. I think about how things are going, and where they are going, and as much as I like him I can't see us being together outside of university. University is a funny thing, people are all the same. Older, younger. Local, foreign. Widely travelled, never left home. Doesn't matter. People are just people. But outside that little world, people are not just people. People become things, instead of humans. Those labels that you managed to shake off for the three or four years you studied come back to haunt you. Who you are. Where you're from. What colour skin you have.

I can see myself leaving uni and travelling. I can see myself in the future moving alot. It's in my blood. I like to change the scenery from time to time. He was born and bred near Hull, and I can see him staying in the area. There's nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong, but it's not me. I've a gypsy, he's a home boy.

BUT, for now, all is still good. It's three months and I'm still happy. He makes me smile, he's good to me and I like being with him. So, I will do what I know I would be told to do, and enjoy it while it lasts, and just wait and see what happens.