Food & Friends

I've already said that my trip home has consisted of a lot of food, and it hasn't changed. I'm still eating way too much food, but its sooo good.

I have a bit of a problem. I've a close friend who is, well, for want of a better phrase absolutely wrecking my head lately. I can't be around her without wanting to leave. She has finally picked up that there's something wrong, and she keeps asking, but I can't give her any reply other than I'm fine. I don't want to talk to her. About anything. I dunno, maybe I've just grown impatient with people. I've not spoken to one of my best friends in over a month because he just got on my last nerve. He is a hard guy to handle at the best of times, but I am a patient person and I love him, so I've stuck with him throughout uni. But since Christmas he had been making me feel guilty and feel like the things I did, the things I poured my heart into, the things that I spent my spare time working on were unimportant and pointless in his eyes. Which made me feel belittled and hurt. I couldn't get over it, and every time we spoke he made me feel worse. So I eventually screamed at him down the phone, to the point where he hung up. We've not spoken since.

I miss him. Which sounds silly, cause of the way he was treating me, but I do. He has this terrible habit of knowing what to say to make me see sense. Knowing what to say to make me feel like I'm not worthy, or not bright, or not aware of whats going on in front of me. I know sometimes I can be naive but its not as bad as makes out.

I'm rambling, guess I haven't made up my mind about what to do about the boy. My life is definately not the same without him in it, but do I want someone in my life who makes me feel like that?? To be fair, he can also cheer me up when no one else can, and he makes me smile and laugh and we can talk. But.....when I weigh up both sides, which one wins?