New Beginnings

Everything changed last summer. I was on track to the weight I wanted. Actually, the body I wanted. For possibly the first time in my entire life. I had starting exercising, and I was actually enjoying it. Three, sometimes four times a week I was going to a fitness class, I loved it. And between that and eating a little better it was doing wonderful things for me. Then last summer I had an amazing opportunity to start a new full time job. Having been in a part time job for a few years and knowing there was no chance of progression there, it was definitely worth considering. There was a catch however. It involved moving to another city. Great. Wonderful. Why not? Whole lot of reasons for and against but after a lot of discussion with B and my family, I decided to accept the job and see how things turned out.

The job is a sedentary office job. Five days a week. It's not my dream job but it's a full time, ok paid job that is possibly a job for life if it continues to go well. The biggest problem, and what has prompted me to write this, is that the combination of a new city, a sit down job and losing the class I was enjoying so much has meant that I am back to being pudgy; heavy; overweight; fat; even possibly clinically obese. I should add, these are not terms that have been used by other people to describe me. These are all self appointed descriptions. I am at a point where I am unhappy with my outward appearance and where I feel unhealthy and am concerned about how th  food  I'm eating are impacting my overall wellbeing. I don't feel comfortable or confident. I don't like wearing the clothes I used to love because now they cling in all the wrong places. They're tight and uncomfortable. I actually snapped my belt while trying to buckle it a few days ago. Now, the belt wasn't the newest or the sturdiest, but it was still an upsetting moment. And maybe even a pivotal one. I joined a weight loss group two days later. I'm undecided as to whether I'll name the group or not, maybe we'll wait to see what happens. My sister had joined the same weight loss group and has had success, so I decided it was worth a shot.

My first night the weigh in was a little terrifying. Thankfully it's a very private weigh in. But the positive part is that I am pretty much the weight I thought I was. If that makes sense. So that was Thursday night. This is now Saturday night and today was the first day I put their weight loss plan into action. Friday was a non starter. No reason, just wanted to put it off a day or two more. And also I think part of me wanted to come home and sit and talk with B about the food options and to try encourage him to join me. So today we did a big shop, and for the first time in probably nine months, there was no chocolate, no biscuits. Not a cereal bar in sight. It was plain weird. Actually it was just plain.

For a first day it wasn't terrible. Now the decision to go to the cinema later in the day may have been misguided, but I stood strong. I packed an apple and strawberries and ate those. The lingering scent of the popcorn as we heading in the doors was hard to ignore. Popcorn is half the reason I even go to the cinema. But I was proud of myself today. I bought a drink, nothing more. I ate my strawberries and my apple slices. And it was weird. It wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't life altering or emotional. But it was strange. And, before the movie was over (Marvel movie so it was over two hours) I was hungry. And not a little peckish but hungry!! Normally after a cinema trip, B and I would skip dinner. Tonight however we made dinner. A healthy one. Grilled chicken, (no skin), quinoa and veg (tomatoes, spring onions, peppers, carrots and sugar snap peas). And it was really tasty. But, again, less than two hours later, we're both hungry again. I mean I'm sure that's probably a good thing but I'm far too used to popping to the kitchen and grabbing a snack. Chocolate or crisps or biscuits. Something to satisfy a craving and sate the hunger. Tonight, I went for a banana. Not nearly as exciting as M&M's but it will be worth it.

I aim to write and update how I'm getting on a couple times a week. Hopefully the task of writing about my food, eating habits and weight will make the journey more bearable. It might even be helpful to someone else. So, here I am, taking the first step to the rest of my life. Hopefully a healthier one.