Sunday Evening Musings

I do this time and again, revive the blog and promise to write regularly, and it rarely happens.

So this time I am not going to make any empty promises. I am just going to write and see what happens.

In terms of my world at the moment it is cold and dark - the weather at least. This week we have had the worst snowfall in this part of the country for over 40 years. It was over 30cm in some places, and it was beautiful. It snowed for 48 hours straight and the roads were quiet, blanketed in snow and it looked so peaceful. It was fascinating to watch. I have to admit I sat by the lit fire and watched the snow fall for long periods of the day.

We spent Christmas this year in the north of England with Batman's family, and on the last day there was a small snowfall. As we headed to the airport on roads that snake through mountainous regions seeing the speckled hills made me yearn for a trip somewhere with proper snow. Somewhere with log cabins and large open fires and snowshoes. Skiing and snowboarding and reindeer. So when I heard the Beast from the East and Storm Emma were due on our little corner of the world and were bringing wintery showers with them I got excited. Kid in a candy store giddy! And as the snow showers started, I thought if enough fell maybe it would satiate my need for a trip to a snow covered vista. But if anything, its made my desire even stronger. I've been researching log cabins in Scandinavian countries, trying to find the best locations. And I've even been trying to talk my sisters into joining me, a family trip to a snow laden wonderland. Whether this dream trip becomes a reality this year or not, its been put out there, it's on the cards. This is one of those Bucket List things.

Christmas Is Coming

I love Christmas. I really do. I love the lights; I love the crisp weather; I love writing cards and wrapping presents; I love baking seasonal food. This year though I'm feeling a bit anxious. I have made a decision. I have booked a one way flight to the Uk, leaving here before New Years, to try and start afresh.

And I am scared s***less. I don't know how its gonna turn out. I might be lucky and land a job. Or I might be like the hundreds of other graduates who are stuck sitting on their behinds wasting days because there are no jobs to be had. But there's no way of finding out if I can get a job in England while I'm sitting around in Ireland. But I am scared about having nothing to do. I do not suffer boredom well. I eat and become lathargic. Which then leads to not job hunting properly, if at all.

There's a double reason for my going though. Batman and I have been dating across an overly small ocean for two and a half years, so I figure its about time we tried to date while in the same city. But I am more nervous about that than anything else. I am nervous that it will turn sour; that we will come to realise we only worked because we were apart most of the time.

I guess only time will tell.

Blue Monday

Each day brings a new dawn. But it always brings another sense of waste. I wake up, go to work, apply for jobs I know I either have no genuine chance or interest in getting, come home, spend my evenings on the couch or in front of a computer screen, killing time. I know were I in England that my days wouldn't be much different but at least I'd have people to talk to, people to see.

Today is "Blue Monday". Officially the day of the year that people feel more depressed than any other day of the year. I have to admit, I felt worse earlier this weekend than I did today but I can understand why today might get people down. Third Monday of January, Christmas is over, all that you have to look forward to is more dreary weather and that awful made up holiday in February.

On a random side note, I just discovered that Keith Barry was presented last night with the Merlin Award of Mentalist of 2009. Go Keith!

Childhood memories

In the lead up to Christmas I always get a bit nostalgic, what adult doesn't? But this year my nostalgia seems to be directed towards sweets and junkfood. I was on a wonderful website the other evening, A Quarter Of, which deals primarily with sweets from times gone by. I keep finding things on it that I used to love, and some I don't ever recall seeing. So I have been idling time away sitting looking at the site, adding numerous sweets to my shopping cart, trying not to think about the damage they'll do to my insides. I'm planning to give some away in Christmas gifts, so its not too bad I suppose. Just how much I give away is to be decided!

Christmas is Upon Us!

It is officially Christmas time! 24 days and counting!! I heard three Christmas songs on the radio today, so its almost here. Although when I hear Wham!'s Last Christmas then it is officially the festive season and I can start getting excited. I think everyone has their own Christmas song, one that makes them excited about the season, and use it to judge the start of the excitement and when they hear it on the radio its the starting line. Playing it yourself just doesn't count. Last Christmas is mine. I remember listening to it at Christmas as a small kid, and I have always loved Wham! so it makes sense.

Aside from Christmas jingles, life is going along at a fairly regular pace at the moment. I went to Dublin last Tuesday to have a bit of a day out and do some Christmas shopping. All I ended up buying was things for myself. But I enjoyed it, and isn't that what counts? I've never been so organised for Christmas so early. I'm probably jinxing myself now, but I am. I have my secret santa gift, and I know what I'm getting the kids, I just have to go buy it. And as for Batman and The Viking I have their gifts in my head. It's just a case of getting a couple of bits and pieces together and they're done.

I've booked flights to go over to Hull for New Years. I want to spend it with my boys, rather than sitting in at home watching movies by myself. Because if I stay here I know that's probably whats in store for me. So I'll be in Hull from the 29th until January 10th. Almost two weeks!! But it's to go job hunting as well as celebrating the new year. Oh the joys!

All Things Christmassy

Christmas has come and gone, and New Years looms around the corner, and I am already back in Hull. It was fun being back in the Bay for a bit, even if it was a short visit. Part of me wishes I had stayed longer, but another part of me is so glad to be back in Hull. It's getting really strange to be back under the watchful eye of the parentals. I think every time I visit it gets that little bit more odd. But it was fun. Christmas day was nice and relaxed. Breakfast at my sisters house, singing at mass as always, followed by a chilled out day, nice dinner and card games a-plenty.

Susan seemed to enjoy herself with my family. I was a little bit worried. Visiting someone elses home any other time of the year is a completely different thing, but to spend the Christmas Holidays with a family other than your own, from a completely different culture surely can't be the easiest thing to go through. But it all seemed fine, which is good. She saw quite a bit of the country too, which is a good thing. Took her to Cork for the day, and she went down for another day with a friend and saw Kinsale. Took her to Thurles and she met my grandmother and uncle. The best part of that was her reaction to my Uncle's accent. She could understand everything he said - a difficult thing even for me - but it was the thick Tipperary accent that gave her trouble.

I discovered this Christmas that no matter the time of year, my father still loves to play tour guide!! As with anyone who comes to visit, he took Susan to see the Hook. Which, aside from the bitter wind, was a really nice trip.


On a different sadder note, a young man washed up on the beach on Christmas morning. A guy who's family my family have known for years. He was 20 years old and it's believed he jumped from the cliff edge on the night of Christmas Eve. This is the third guy since April to try, and the second to succeed. What I can't help wondering is why? What is it that pushes them, that makes them feel they need to end their life? And why does it seem to all be the same age group? The three guys were all around the same age. What happens to men at the age of 20 that they think now is the time to end everything? My heart goes out to the families of these guys, they are the ones left behind and left wondering what happened. Wondering where they went wrong. Wondering if there was anything they could have done differently. Even the guy who jumped and lived to tell the tale, I can hardly imagine the thoughts going through his head this Christmas. I wonder has he since realised how selfish his actions were? It may sound cruel, but I do believe people who commit suicide to be selfish. They never seem to realise what they are leaving behind. Or who.

I've talked a friend through it once, tried to make him see that ending his life was not the way out, tried to show him that he had things to live for. I don't know if it was my words that stopped him or his own fear and thoughts, either way he's still here. Yes he doesn't have the easiest life, yes he has troubles and bad times and failed attempts at things, but he's still here to try and fail, to try and succeed. Unlike those two guys I mentioned. All they can do now is look down on those they left behind.

It's a shame that only after a person dies do they get told how much they are loved and wanted.

Old-fashioned Sunday

When I say old-fashioned I mean like a Sunday when I was in school. It's been such a quiet day, I don't know quite what to do with myself. I woke up late...which for me was eleven am. I couldn't seem to sleep any later. Since then I have done....nothing. I moved some things around my room, put some clothes away, sorted out my module folders, washed dishes from last night, rang home and talked for over an hour. Then I decided I needed popcorn, so walked along Springback and checked every possible shop - not a sign of salted popcorn. The English are weird, they like butter and sweet popcorn over salted. It's supposed to be savoury - keep it that way!!
Anyway, walked as far as St. Stephens - which is about 15-20 mins walk from my house - only to find that the Tesco's there had shut about two minutes before I got there, so I walked back, checked the only shop I hadn't looked in on the way and lo and behold - salted popcorn!!

Yes, that was the highlight of my day. Out in the dark and the cold to buy popcorn.

Last night we had a mini Christmas dinner at my house, but unfortunately it ended up being for a lot less people than planned. We {Vicky and I} had originally hoped to have 8 or 9 people for dinner, in total we ended up with 5. But better that than it being just she and I! It was nice, roast chicken, veg, potatoes and of course, dessert. But it did make me want my mom's cooking. Only four days and I get to sample that again. True I did use her recipes and techniques for the things we made, but its never the same.

Speaking of coming home, I've been debating starting to pack. It's days away, and I know if I do start packing now, that I'll end up re-doing it two or three times, but I'm at a loss for things to do, besides starting an essay, which I don't want to do. But I've been buying bits and pieces to bring home for christmas, and then I have some films and books I want to bring home too, I doubt there'll be much space in the bag for clothes or anything like that, but what harm. Don't need much. That's what sisters are for.

I've been on a country music kick again this week. It's happening more and more lately. But I've found a song that I think is brilliant, and quite true. It's by a guy called Trace Adkins and it's called Ladies Love Country Boys. It's just fab. Have been listening to Trace and a guy called Toby Keith a lot. If you've a spare ten minutes look them up on youtube. For Toby Keith I'd suggest I Love This Bar. Really good song.

Stuff

Next week I will have been dating Nick for two months. Anyone that knows me well knows this is phenomenal. It's actually my longest relationship since I dated Greg back in....oh god, 2003? 2002? A long time ago anyway. And so far so good. I don't want to kill him {always a good sign} and he makes me laugh and smile {more good signs}. I'm not taking it too seriously, just gonna see what happens. Only time will tell I guess.

Last night was the Winter Ball. It was amazing! I'm so impressed with the committee. We ended up doing all the decorating minus the lighting ourselves. We had free sparkling wine on entry, a buffet, chocolate fountain, polaroid photos, and loads of decorations. Had a good turnout as well, about 200 people in total. Which is pretty good all considering.

TWO WEEKS!!!! I'll be home in two weeks!! With Susan in tow, she got the visa yesterday!!!

YAY!!

Officially Christmas!!! I heard Wham!'s Last Christmas for the first time today! And Joey heard Driving Home For Christmas on Sunday! It's official!!!

Flying Home For Christmas

It's officially December so it's finally okay to talk about these sorts of things. I've booked my flights!! Flying into Dublin on the 2oth of December, hopefully with Susan in tow. I know it's less than three weeks away but it can't get here fast enough. Little things lately have been pulling at the heart strings and I'm missing home alot. And it's effecting my everyday persona. I'm quiet and distracted and 'off' is the most common term. A few people have said it to me. And all it is is that I need to come home. It's Christmas, it does it to me every year. And because the promotions and displays and lights are all happening earlier and earlier every year, I get homesick that little bit earlier every year. But, on the plus side, Susan is very very excited about spending Christmas with my family. It will be totally different for her I'm sure. She's never had a stocking before, or really knew the reason for them. Tried to explain it today while we were walking around the Christmas markets in Manchester, but don't think I did a wonderful job of it.

Oh yeah, Went to Manchester today for an ISA trip, it was nice. Bit cold, but five different Christmas Markets around the city, so we just wandered around them for most of the day and ate a lot of European food - the European Market was my favourite, and the biggest. It even had a singing moose head. Yeah, odd I know.